Words of Wisdom – The Buffalo Theory by Cliff Claven

cliff clavenWell you see, Norm, it’s like this … a herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo.  And when the herd is hunted, it is the lowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first.  This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members.

In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells.  Now, as we know, excessive intake of alcohol kills brain cells.  But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first.  In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine.

And that, Norm, is why you always feel smarter after a few beers.

Joke of the Day – The Wal-Mart Greeter

walmart-greeter.jpgA very loud, unattractive, mean-acting woman walked into Wal-Mart with her two kids, yelling obscenities at them all the way through the entrance.

The Wal-Mart Greeter said pleasantly, “Good morning, and welcome to Wal-Mart.  Nice children you have there.  Are they twins?”

The woman stopped yelling long enough to say, “‘Hell no they ain’t!  The oldest one’s 9 and the other one’s 7.  Why the hell would you think they’re twins? Are you blind, or just stupid?”

“I’m neither blind nor stupid, Ma’am,” replied the greeter.  “I just couldn’t believe someone would sleep with you twice. Have a good day and thank you for shopping at Wal-Mart.”

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Demotivational Posters Volume #11 (Wal-Mart Is Evil)

Official Hot Lard 1000 Hit Post

A special addition Wal-Mart Demotivational posters post.

Check out our update to this post here

After reading a story on CNN on how the demons of Wal-Mart have sued a disabled woman for $477,000.00 to get back the money she owes them because their insurance policy is nothing more than a rip-off. I felt I needed to come up with a few demotivation posters directed towards this anti-Christ of retail and human soul snatching.

Please take a moment to first read how this caring company puts its employees first and profits second. Then enjoy my tribute to this demon fodder of world domination and slave labor retail.

Link to story

http://www.cnn.com/2008/US/03/25/walmart.insurance.battle/index.html

Click on each poster for a better look.

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See our other demotivational posters here

SPAM Email of the Day for 2008-Mar-26

Subject: I realized I was in love.

Amaze her with your new, gigantic tool between your legs. http://liesonkeeng.com/

tool-douchebag.jpgWho’s point of view is this from?  Did this email come from a girl who realized she was in love because of a gigantic tool between some douchebag’s legs?  Or, did some guy realize that his new-found gigantic tool cause a girl to fall in love with him?

Either way, it doesn’t matter.

I want to point out that if you are a guy who once had a small penis but now has a gigantic one, girls will not love you.  You will always be remembered as the small-penis guy who had low self esteem and almost killed himself to gain a larger penis guy.

Has anyone noticed that Baseball Season has started?

jeter_sheffield_gay.jpgIn case you haven’t noticed (and my guess is that you haven’t), the Major League Baseball season has started … in Japan. WTF is up with that!?!?!?

Well anyway, I’d like to be the first to let baseball know that nobody fucking cares the season has started because the league sucks!  Hmmmmmmm, let me guess … the New York Yankees and the Boston Red Sox franchises are the favorites to spend the most money errrrrrrrrrrrrr … I mean, win the World Series.  Of course in baseball, those two phrases pretty-much mean the same thing.

1273251945_c0ac40f102.jpgCongratulations Baseball on another season where five revenue-generating teams are competing for the championship while the rest of the league break-in their really good players only to have them be bought by one of those five teams next year.

bonds.jpgI guess all I can hope for is that THIS IS THE YEAR that one of your roided-up players will finally explode on national TV.  Or snap and take out the first two rows of fans with a meat clever. (If there are actually that many in the stands that is)

PLAY BALL!!!

One good thing about the start of baseball season… It means that Football season is only four months away.

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