What I did this Earth Day…


To show my respect to the Earth and all the liberal pussies that say we must protect her…  Here is a list of what I did this Earth Day.

1.    Bought an SUV. The Ozone Killer 3000 with an extra fossil fuel burning engine and genuine baby seal skin seat covers.

2.    Purchased a crate of 250 Watt light bulbs for my house and burned them all day long.

3.    Convinced my neighbors to burn their lights all day long

4.    Shot and ate a bald eagle.

5.    Sank a Green Peace boat

6.    Stole money from PETA and gave it to Dick Cheney

7.    Peed into the towns water supply

8.    Dumped toxic waist in the ocean

9.    Taught children the joys of plastic silverware and how to hide a car battery in the woods.

10.    Changed my cars oil in a botanical garden.

11.     Planted 650,000 Styrofoam cups in hopes of growing Styrofoam trees.

12.     Watered my trees with gasoline.

13.   Killed a Hippy

14. Watched Fox News all day long.

So what did you do????

Happy Earth Day – Bah Humbug


Happy Earth Day from all of us here at Hot Lard.

Remember friends, the quicker we destroy the planet, the sooner we don’t have to listen to all these liberal pussies telling us how important being GREEN is.

So please do your part and throw an extra bag a trash into your neighbors yard today.

My Thoughts by Erivin Shlopnick – The Science of Women


Thank goodness for shiny things… Without them women would not have anything to think about.

But make sure they finish all your laundry and cooking before you let them play with their shiny thing. Otherwise they will not get any of their womanly duties finished before the big game comes on.

I just kid

I know women are a much more complex instrument than something that would be only interested in shiny things…

They like to give oral sex too.

Demotivational Posters Volume #34 – The Really Shitty Ones

It has been some time since I last created a bunch of demotivational posters.

Many moons have pasted and the sands of time have sifted away like a monkey who has eaten 6 cans of creamed corn and has a rectal infection.

A lot of changes have come to my life during this time, some of which are joyous and magical, but most of which are make believe

So that’s why these posters will really suck.

Yep, they suck shit and smell like your grandmas pleasantly moist but over used panties

Of course you will view them anyway and go home with a smile on your face thinking you have been fulfilled with the greatness that is me. (Ervin Shlopnick)

Only for it to dawn on you once you get home that you have been jipped, realizing your grandmas panties are not moist or pleasant in any sense of the word. Oh and these posters are really shitty too. But mostly because your grandma has really smelly panties… And the fact that you are just learning now that she dry humps your pillow when you are at work. Sorry for that, but I felt you had to know… and it gives you a visual of how awful these posters really are.

Pillow dry humped by your grandma with moist smelly panties and not washed before you sleep on it, awful… Get the picture yet asshole?

Most likely you will have to wait a very long time before you get any really good demotivation from this site. When you recognize this fact you will beat your dog and burn your house to the ground.

So my warning to you is that if you are expecting too much from these really shitty posters, you may just want to move along to another post. Come back when I start taking this blog seriously again and do better work.

But on second thought they could be so good that they help you to earn great wealth and happiness.

I really dought it though…

they kinda suck.



Your grandma is a whore…

and I love her