Sorry for the lack of Posts….

I want to apologized for the lack of posts recently. I have some perfectly reasonable excuses on why I have not been posting….

I’ve been very busy taking my dog to raves…

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and it is impossible for me to create posts until the drugs wear off.

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Because everything just feels wrong in the universe until they do…

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Plus my wife showed me her new outfit and I don’t think she was happy with my reaction…

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This is a peanut…

kvwFBOTThe aliens have landed, but I’m not sure what they want from us….

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I think my car is trying to eat me….

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Or maybe I’m just crazy….

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So while you wait for me to return…. Here is some Muppet porn to watch.  2DraDDw

Finding the Person(s) Behind the Dot – A new dot has been unearthed

Hello Hot Lard loyal readers…. and those of you forced to read us as part of your community service.  Hey, if you’re going to do the crime, you have to be ready to do the time. And reading Hot Lard is defiantly hard time.

andyWe have unearthed a new dot on the readers map. The site is called Andy Kaufman’s Kavalkade (Didn’t Andy Kaufman play Jim Carrey in a movie about his life?)  and it is located in the great city of Fresno, California. Ahhhhh Fresno, the home of the……. ummmmmmmmmmmmmmm

What the fuck is in Fresno???? Really… What the hell is in Fresno????

Do people actually live there, or is it a penance you have to pay for doing something really bad in a former life. Maybe it’s sort of like a secrete draft, where people are picked in a lottery and told they have to spend the next several years in Fresno. Do we need to feel sorry for them, or treat them like criminals, because they got what they deserve?

Actually I’ve never been there, so I don’t really know anything about the place. That in turn makes it very easy for me to make fun of it. Nothing like striking out blindly at things you don’t know or understand.

One thing I do know though is that Andy Kaufman’s Kavalkade is spelled incorrectly, (At least my spell check thinks so) but they have a lot of really great stuff on their site. To start they have a staff of 18 writers that offer everything from Poetry to Politics. There is music and art and an intelligence in writing that I could only dream of achieving.  Their site is an example of what I’d love to see Hot Lard become some day….. Only with more penis and fart jokes that is.

To see their location on the Hot Lard readers map, plus a link to their site, just go to the Readers Map page. It’s the tab at the top of the page….

No, the top of the page…….

Look up….

No, you are looking left….

Up is towards the sky….

No, that is grass….

The sky is the blue stuff…..

Or brown if you live in Pittsburgh…..

Now you got it!!!

Just click on the tab and it will take you to the page with the map….

I….

I said click on the tab….

No, you are hitting your crotch….

I give up.

Starting a new campaign to get more readers.

Believe it or not, I actually had one of the lard posters from the previous post and was working on it as part of my new campaign to get more readers to Hot Lard. (Shana you have good taste)

I just don’t feel that there are enough people out there that are experiencing the joy & horror that this happy little blog can force feed them. So it’s time I reach out and touch (Leaguelly this time) those who have not read the words of wisdom this prophet of the blogisphere has delivered. I need to awaken the sleeping and shout to the world that Hot Lard is here to stay, so you may as well get fucking used to it.

Below is my first campaign poster. Please take time to read it’s wisdom and then go forth and share it with the world….

I mean it, go forth and tell people about this shit…. No really go forth…. Dude, just get the fuck out of here!!!

read hot lard 2

 

 

What are you looking down here for??? I’m done writing

I just lost another follower…

I lost another follower…  And it just kills me when that happens. I’m serious, it hurts me to my core.

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What did I do wrong?

Was it something I said?

Was it something I didn’t say?

Is there anything I can do to win you back????

Sigh…. Like the old saying goes, “Once a love is truly lost, there is no winning it back. All one can do, is work twice as hard on the next love”.

Or…..

I could just hunt them down and do something really despicable to them.

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Yeah…. That’s a much better plan.

Just popped in to say “Hi”…. Oh, and here are a few other projects I’m working on

Hey all, just wanted to check in and let you know that the movie is going well.

OK, maybe not well… but it is going. Had some trouble with the local authorities. Apparently some people have issues with my film crew pillaging the small towns around here. Also, did you know that in some countries it is illegal to run through the streets wearing a pink tootoo and jelly donuts as a bra, exclaiming you are an angry God and demanding all the local virgins come to the town square for a SpaghettiO’s bath and spankings? Some places have no culture I guess.

I also want to take a moment to thank Shana for the great job she is doing. Because of her hard work, we are now a pay-per-view site. I figured I’d have to go back to showing barn yard porn again to charge for views… But apparently she knows away around that, and can make people pay for things other than porn.  Amazing what science can do these days.

Because of the great reception the Hot Lard movie is getting. I’d like to show you some other projects I have worked on or will be working on soon. I don’t want to brag, but I’m seeing an Oscar sitting in the Hot Lard women’s room trophy case in the near future.

KITTY WARRIOR

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TED 2

Pay Per View

I thought I’d do my bit to help Ervin raise funds for the Hot Lard Movie that he’s currently filming. All posts on this blog will now only be available as Pay Per View.

Please complete the following form, it’s only $29 a month, surely a small price to pay to read the most awesome blog on the Interwebs.

pay-per-view