Installing iTunes

You tell me what is wrong with this picture, as I fail to see how the two applications are remotely connected:


Is there some fancy feature where I can listen to my MP3s using Outlook 2003 that I am not aware of?

Sure, go ahead and blast me for not realizing that I could sync my Outlook calendar to my iPod.  Oh wait, maybe I should buy an iPod.  And, if I had one maybe I would have it connected via USB that would actually force the error you see above.

Better yet, why the fuck does Apple insist on installing iTunesHelper.exe and iPodService.exe when I have NEVER connected an iPod to my computer?

Apple, if you’re listening (and I know Steve Jobs is a huge fan of Hot Lard) … where are the options in the iTunesSetup.exe where I can deselect iPod connectivity?  I simply cannot spare any more resources of my 3.49 GB of RAM to allow you to install two services that never actually are used.

God, I hate the way Apple is cranking out their shitty iTunes software.  It is about high-time I uninstall this garbage.  See Maddox for more information.

Ervin Shlopnick’s Inbox: Emails from God and Severed Heads

Do you have that one friend?

You know the one I’m talking about, the guy or girl that has to send you those awful,

“Forward this email to 600 other people in the next 6 seconds or your dick will fall off”.

I fucking hate those; normally I just delete them and put that friend in my SPAM filter. But for some reason this email I just received has peaked my interest. I’m not really sure why… Take a look at it and see what you think.

If I could sit on the porch with God, the first thing I would do is thank him for you….
Read the bottom and see how it works.

Click on the photo for a better look.


Try this! … it really works.    If you take this e-mail and forward it to at least 5 people, including the person that sent it to you, a person will appear standing on this bridge Let me know if you know the person?     OKAY!

Hmmmmm, all it takes is for me to forward this to five victims friends and I get to see who is in the picture. Is this person the same for everybody? Or does God specifically pick who I deserve to see. Well let’s find out…

Ok , hmmmmm, I pick you…. And you… oh this person is a sucker for this shit… I’ll send it to you … and you….and even you.

There, I have sent this email out to 5 or so people so now all I have to do is stare at the picture and see who is on the bridge……

Oh well God bless, there is someone in the picture….

Click on the photo for a better look.


But wouldn’t the severed heads count as three people?

My Thoughts by Ervin Shlopnick – The Child Star

Being the father of a 13 year old and a 3 year old, I get to watch a lot of children’s television. I’ve come to realize that not all of it is cartoons; there are quite a few live action types of shows that place early-teens and pre-teens in the spot light. These teens have become big stars in the early years of their lives. Some have embraced the responsibility and have turned into adult stars, like Shai Labeouf. While others like Jamie Lynn Spears promote teenage sex and pregnancy.

It must be hard to be that young and have a world watching your every move and criticizing every decision you make? It makes me wonder…

How do they do it?

Who helps them make the correct decisions?

Who helps them make the incorrect decisions?

How do they combine their TV life and private life and make it work?

What would they do if they were ravaged by a large hamster?

Some say I ask too many questions.


Yet another impostor blster email – This made me think of you

Sometimes simple is good, as you will see here.

I received another email for the impostor blstern…. Once again his friends are flaunting what a great life this guy has and what a total fuck up I am. Well screw it , I’ve had it with them. I’m not going out of my way any more to try an make them feel loved. I’m just going to hit them below the belt, spit on their face, kill their dog, destroy their credit rating, rape their hamster, puke on their illegal immigrant maids and…. and…. ummmmmmmm… I guess I’ll just go back to viewing my barnyard porn and sleeping on my beef jerky bed.

So any way, I got this email from “H” and decide to give him a quick and simple response.

Subject: Sydney’s Beachside Cuisine

Thought of the two of you when I saw this. Best to you both, U.H.

TRAVEL | February 24, 2008
Sydney’s Beachside Cuisine
A lobster roll? No thanks. These cafes bring Michelin-quality dining down to the shore.

So I guess if you click on the link you can read about some peace of shit restaurant that serves  $55 hamburgers and expects you to vote green party. I guess I’m just not liberal enough to eat at a NY Time restaurant. so here is my response to this tree hugger. 

Subject : DO DO DO DO DO I”m loving it

Thought of you when I saw this.



I’m sitting in my own urine.


Do you think they’ll get my Des Moines, Register humor?

(Midget Porn) Hot Lard Mad Lib Volume #7 (Midget Porn)

Official Hot Lard 1000 Hit Post

Here it is 12:01 am Sunday morning…

I’ve had a few glasses of wine, because that is what white people like and it helps quiet the voices in my head. I decided that I needed to do something fun to take my mind off of the snakes and spiders…. errrrrrrrrr I mean the grind of everyday life. So what better to do than look at all the really neat-o reference words you group of granny panty sniffers have come up with to find our wholesome, well rounded, God fearing, educationally political correct web site…. Had I mentioned I have been drinking?

After getting over the shock and aw of your words of sin and lust. I decided to create another happy little Mad Lib with them, so you could all share in the nightmares I will be having.

Once again how this works is…

The BOLD typed abominations words are yours (and may God forgive you all), so as you read along and start to lose faith in all of humanity…. Remember…. Humanity could give a rats ass about what you think.

Did I mention I have been drinking?

The cursed and hilarious misadventures of Midget Porn


One day Midget Porn was enjoyingsome good Puke Porn with midget women with fat asses when he notice that nude freak women like fat tard anal leakage while hot midgets have anal sex with animals and fat ugly chicks perform gay rape on crack whores with hot egg farts and lard in their crack.


So the porn apple ass had to come out of hiding and hire chester the molester to anal fuck the big headed midgets while the fat drunk women would compare cum shots of the nude retards. After which they would enjoy cheerleader puke on meximullets then sink their bad teeth into some fat anal.


The monkey midget thought it was time that redneck pussy and sick bitch porno united with rainbow bright and create some peter griffin porn for the cum drinking babysitter so she could enjoy some video game anal rape with the double d crack whore of the cross eyed prostitute tribe.


It was then that the woman farting on toilet was taken from the nude catholic girls so she may perform midget on midget porn with gay clowns and underground whores fucking. She agreed to this because fat porn puke and shit,piss,sex were more important to her than all the hairy midgets and greasy farts in the kingdom.


Finally ugly midget fucks hot woman rode in on his hotties in diapers to save the day. First he freed the hot ass girls fucking from the mad bitch. He then told the evil fat thong to shut the fuck up and eat his shit with corn bits and hot dikes. The people cheered when nude freaks with dirty diapers had to experience anal pumping by the one eyed hookers and gay cowboys.


The lard sex End


Read our other Mad Libs here