(Midget Porn) Hot Lard Mad Lib #11 (Midget Porn)

Announcer: OK Kids, grab a seat and put on your happy fun – fun hats, because it’s time for the Uncle Ervin show!!!

Kids in the audience: YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAH!!!!!

Announcer: The Uncle Ervin show, brought to you by the makers of “Heroin Gum”. Why shoot it when you can chew it? And Gary’s house of Latex and Ball Gags; Gifts that show that special someone, you are the master. Now get on your knees and bark like a dog.


Uncle Ervin

Kids in audience: YEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!!!!!

Uncle Ervin: Hey Kids!!!

 Kid in audience: HEY UNCLE ERVIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Uncle Ervin: Golly gee whiz, I hope you are all ready for a really super good show today. We have all sorts of really fun and exciting things to do. Today we have Dr. Rustytools, the back alley gynecologist. He is here to give free exams to all you boys and girls in that dark windowless room at the back of the studio. We also have Zoo Keeper Willy here to show us the mating habits of Northeastern Pigmy Wombat. He’ll also show you how to push your mean older brother into the bear pit and make it look like an accident.


Uncle Ervin: It’s also career day at the Uncle Ervin show. We have Sparkles, the one legged hooker that hangs out by the dumpster in the alley behind the Slurp N’ Puke convenience store. She will be showing you young career minded ladies how to avoid STDs. We also h….

Lights start flashing: BONG, BONG, BONG, BONG, WHOOP, WHOOP, WHOOP.

Uncle Ervin: Uh Oh….. You know what that means???

Kids in audience: Unwanted rectal exam time!!!!!!

Uncle Ervin: NO!!!! You little bastards promised to never talk about that………….   It’s time for a Hot Lard Mad Lib.


Uncle Ervin: Yes, a Hot Lard mad lib. Where we tell a happy story of love, puppies, and ice cream rain storms, using the search terms you little monkey spankers from our audience have used to find the Hot Lard web site.


Uncle Ervin: Billy, do you remember when you searched for two retarded midgets trying to hump a turtle?

Billy: Golly Uncle Ervin, I sure do!!!

Uncle Ervin: You had to do some hard time for that one, didn’t you?

Billy: I sure did! Got to shank me a few bitches while in the hole too!!!

Uncle Ervin: And Sally; how did your search for fat people wearing thongs turn out for you?

Sally: I’m still in therapy, Uncle Ervin.

Uncle Ervin: Huh, Huh, huh… I’m sure you are little Sally… I’m sure you are.

Announcer: OK, for those of you who do not know how this works. The bold words in the upcoming story are the search terms that you evil Internet dwellers have used to somehow find your way to Hot Lard. So as you read along, remember…. We did not write this… YOU DID!!!! And may God have mercy on your souls.

Midget Porn and the quest for lazy housewife sex



Once upon a time Midget Porn was out riding his trusty crack whore named side boob. When he happened across despicable me minion porn and Walmart sluts having eiffel tower sex with the ugly naked girls of the blowjobs in public clan. They all started kissing girls and watching star trek porn while the tattoo of the year and it actually eats banana pussy monkey played with its naked retards.



Suddenly a lesbian gymnast and her russian whore showed up with Super Tard and demanded butt sex and blowjob motivational posters from all the naked midgets. It was up to cliff claven on brain cells to find naked pictures of the Olsen twins while an old drunk nude redneck tried to lick my balls on his 300lbs and pregnant wife who liked to read incest caption tricks and blowjob motivation.



But the carpet munchers wanted gay midget porn search engines to help them with midget christmas porn and midget women with animals. It was up to Midget porn and his trusty sidekick man boobs to show the power of mullet porn and ass sex fails. But first poopy fingers and the fat sexy woman had to logon to grannymidgetporn.com to see naked boating with top 10midget pornstars and hilary duff boobs pictures.


At that very moment girls in skin tight shorts wanted to know what fucking channels mediacom offers in their packages. Which meant olympic lesbian kissing in 2008 would need more anal demotivation to ward off Scooby doo porn and midget ass. But how could this be done when barnyard porn would have humor porn while watching wii fit trainer porn with midget hookers and their fat guys in thongs while posing for anal sex posters showing the original care bears with naked hookers on crack.


But everyone was saved when puke sex and Amy Winehouse had happy birthday porn with macaulay culkin. Then they declared that American midgets are the hottest so everyone could now pull my finger to stop the anal sex monsters from pouring lard on fat gay midgets in a thong. Everyone was so happy they told free fictional teen runaway sex stories and showed their daughter’s hot friend how to have zelda sex with tongue kissing girls.


The pamela anderson talks blowjobs End


Hot Lard Flashback – Mad Lib #9


c517ljpgBack in Hot Lards prime, we used to get some really sick and demented search terms used to find our happy little place in the sun. I would then take those search terms and make a Mad Lib post to show the true level of evil that lived out there on the Interweb. The series became very popular and brought even more filth and disease to the site. But I think volume 9 of the series was the one that really nailed it. This was the one that was so depraved and so shocking, that a defibrillator was kept near by whenever anyone read it. Even some of our more hardcore followers were left speechless and in awe, as you will see in the comments left for the post.

So before you click the link to read this happy tail of midget porn, regurgitation, and bodily fluids. Remember… I did not write it.  You (Our wonderful readers) did.


Click here to view Mad Lib #9

(Midget Porn) Hot Lard Mad Lib #10 (Midget Porn)

Back when Hot Lard was first started, I can remember one day I was looking through the site stats and happened across the “Search Terms” people used to find our site. Being new to the whole blogging thing, I was unsure how they worked. Someone on the staff was kind enough to let me know, that these terms are the actual words that actual people, actually typed into their computers to describe what they actually wanted to view on their monitors……  It was that day that I lost all faith in humanity.

As I went through the list, my head started to pound and few times I believe I may have lost conciseness. I felt dirty and lost the will to live. How could our world… My world, be filled with such sleaze & vermin. It all came crashing down on me when I realized that these sick and vile terms actually outnumbered the normal search terms such as…. Kitty… or Happy Happy Bunny Love…. Or Blue Berry Muffins made by a Nun.if7rxd

The one term that caught my eye immediately was “Midget Porn”. I remember thinking to myself, “How the hell did someone find this site with a search term of Midget Porn????” That is such a specific subject that I had not written any such post for. Plus we sure as hell did not display any midget porn…. At least I think we didn’t….  Anywho, how the hell did the Lord and Overseer of the Internet direct these runny nosed, mouth breathers that get off on height challenged individuals erotica to my little slice of heaven?

What was I to do? How could I fight this sickness and drive it away from our happy little world of Hot Lard?????? I had to fight this, I had to fight off these evil hairball goblins before they gave my site….MY WORK as bad name……..Or maybe…. I could go over to the dark side and play to their sickness to get mucho, mucho hits for my site. And that is exactly what I did. I created a character named “Midget Porn” who would star in Mad Lib posts that used these very search terms that the sick and mental deficient used to find this blog. How else do you think I got over a million hits?

And that is what I present to you today…. An all new Hot Lard Midget Porn Mad Lib. It has been a good 3 to 4 years since I last did one of these, so I was a little nervous that maybe after all this time, the search terms would not have the same “Shock & Awe” they once had. But humanity did not let me down. You are all still the same sick, Pedo-rific, panty sniffers we all fear and have restraining orders on.

How this works is, the BOLD words of love and joy are the ones you monkey spankers have come up with.  In other words, the BOLD words are the things you… YES YOU, wanted to see on the internet!!!!!

So, as you read through this and get digusted.  Just remember…. You sick fucks wrote this, not me!!!

The Return of Midget Porn


Midget Porn and his friends were sitting around one day watching retard porn & nips slips in a 10 lb box of rape, when suddenly Corn Shits the naked hooker came running in with her lesbian sports girl carrying on about anal itching & Star Trek porn. She said that Dog Blowjob the evil female midget with animals was hunting down all the midget ass masters with her anal-intruder-2600 and putting them into lazy town porn.lego1rfdrl_th

Midget Porn knew he had to stop midgets farting with a finger in the ass before the sexy hot porn girl got an anal bottle rocket. To do this he enlisted the help of an ugly russian whore to tell anal sex stories to the hairy boobs clan of the smelly ass valley. Anal fat, the town super tard passed this information on to the slutty females of the sore ass tribe. They in turn drove their american motors car to see the midget guy in diapers to let him know of the impending butt sex fail.


Once their forces had gathered, the tattoo of the year monkey cried out, “i fucked my daughter’s hot friend and now i want to fuck shawn Johnson”! A topless hilary duff was holding onto some hot Zelda porn and showed it to her topless sister. Some kissing hotties had trapped some gymnastic lesbians and forced them to blowjob “pamela anderson” with lard ass dudes.


When it was all finished they sat down to watched flashing people videos and passed around olsen twins naked pictures that they found on http://www.pornoskat.com while sharing corn shits with the carpet munchers and the original care bears. They had finally solved the centuries old mystery, is there lard in dairy queen ice cream. What a better way to celebrate their great victor than with a midget happy birthday porn party and a bj in front of audience.


The ass ravage End

Well, there you go… told you it was shocking. I’m sure we all just died a little bit inside. But as I said, I’m only letting you view what you had written. My hands are clean. Oh, BTW… To those of you that will do an internet search on www.pornoskat.com after reading this…  May God have mercy on your souls.

(Midget Porn) and Crack Whore Wishes Hot Lard a Happy Birthday

Happy anal electrode Hot Lard,

We just wanted to ass rape a gay midget and give you a fat woman thong from our Russian whore collection. Tonight we would like to give you a public blowjob while Penis ramming the shit teeth of Hillary Duff, while lorena bobbit and Rainbow Bright explore anal leakage and fat porn with fat Nigerian sluts who like to drink sperm from a computer nerd who has anal warts and a slutty sister.

After going to church we thought we could anal rape hot lpga golfers with a sperm poster of brett favre as a viking. Then watch the nympho puke on Sarahc_1225, Finally I want to shoot my load on your mexi-mullet and finish the day off when god kills a kitten.

Yours always

Midget Porn and Crack Whore

See our other B-day wishes here

Hot Lard’s Top Ten Posts – #8

Number #8

(Midget Porn) Hot Lard Mad Lib Volume #5(MidgetPorn)

Created: November 16, 2007

Hits: 3187

This is our most popular mad lib to date. And why not, it was our Christmas special mad lib. There is nothing better to do on a cold winter evening than to set down with the kids and read an altered version of “The Night before Christmas”. Especially when that version uses terms like, “anal leakage” “gay rape” and “crack whore”. Golly I’m starting to get that warm X-mas glow just thinking about it.  Of course we here at HL did not get any toys last Christmas after posting this… Maybe Santa was sick. From some of the photos that associated this post, I could believe that.

See the rest of the top 10 here

Hot Lard’s Top Ten Posts – #10

Beings Hot Lard is turning 1, we thought it would be fun to look back at some of the things that have made us the forth most popular web site on the Internet. So we are going to count down the top ten posts we have had in this first year of our existence.

Number #10

(Midget Porn) Hot Lard Mad Lib Volume #3

Created: October 23, 2007

Number of hits: 3069

This is the third volume of the Mad Lib series and the second most popular of them all. We placed the (Midget Porn) moniker on the title to celebrate the “number one” used reference word to find our web site. This post is a testament to the fact that if you print the sick and demented words of the crazy fucks that troll the Internet; you will get them to cum… errrrrrrrr I mean “come” to your site. After each one of the Mad Lib posts I immediately followed it with a very long shower and a day and a half of crying. Plus my soul dies just a little bit more.

See the rest of the top ten here