Mr. Positive – 10/3/2013

thumbs-up-low-resMr. Positive says….

To want something does not mean you need it.

An item you “want” is something that would be nice to have, but could never be considered a necessity.

Where something you “need” could be the difference between success and failure.

So the next time I tell you that I “NEED” a drink at 10:30 am. Don’t just sit on your ass and look at me. Get the fuck up and pour it!!!

More Observations…

Here are some more of my observations…

Some people can make me very angry…. You wouldn’t like when I’m angry.

1

I think the movie Titanic needed more special effects.

2

I believe my daughter may not be telling the truth when she says she is going to study with her friend Karen.

3

When the church choir decided it was strapless dress day, it made it very hard to concentrate on the sermon.

4

My cat really does not want to go for a walk.

5

We need to make more of an effort to design things for little people.

6

Not everyone can (Or should) shake that booty.

7

Engineers should not be allowed to name cars.

8

Not all computers can handle really good porn.

9

Some secrets should be kept…. And never told… EVER!!!!

10

You need to be very careful when choosing a college.

11

I believe this person could possibly be the next president.

12

Beauty is only skin deep…. But ugly is to the bone.

13

I think it is really nice that protesters and police can work together to help this fat guy get his pants off.

14

The next time I am in a store and my wife says, “I want anal sex… RIGHT NOW!” I’ll look for one of these.

15

I believe my wife thinks this is what will happen, every time I take the kids out.

16

It really scares me to think my kids may try underage drinking.

17

17a

Asians in general are the most cultured and diverse race.

18

I think the cable guy may be trying to tell me something.

19

Sensitivity training for the police is very important.

20

On a hot and sticky day, this is the only way I can get my balls unstuck from my inner thigh.

21

I have no clue what this is or how to feel about it… But it is wrong on so many levels…

last

My Thoughts by Ervin Shlopnick – Goals

Goals are a good thing to have. They are what makes life more than something you are just supposed to get through.  goals

Without goals…. Diseases would not get cured, lost continents would never have been found, and man would have never walked on the moon.

My daughter has set a goal of finishing an entire can of beer. The open can has set in our refrigerator for 2 1/2 weeks…. we poured it out today.

I guess not all goals are attainable.

And now a word from our sponsor…

Resurrecting an empire is a lot of hard work. Since restarting the site I have only been able to get around 16 hours of sleep a day. Meaning, I’m running pretty ragged. I have spent my days cleaning offices, looking for working computers and fighting the rats for left over Twinkies.  Today was the first time I was able to leave the office for a good period of time. It ended up being a very productive day too. I was able to dart, trap and tag three midget hookers. I can now electronically follow their migration in hopes they will lead me to the heard, allowing me to replenish the ranks. I also got a lead on the whereabouts of The Count of Flanders. A toothless hobo, that smelled of urine and old tuna fish, who refuses to wear pants and thinks he has a talking penis on the back of his head named King Bartholomew III (and who is now our CFO), told me he had heard that The Count was spending his days in a Turkish Prison. Not that he got arrested mind you… The Count just checks in now and then, because he likes that life style.

One of the other big wins I had for today was successfully acquiring advertising for the site. I know, I know… Ads on sites are a sign of selling out.  But in today’s market, it is a necessary evil. Plus midget hooker trail mix isn’t free you know. You have to get them hay to lay in and I had to spend some serious money to hire mercenaries to go in and wrestle salt licks away from the Kardashian’s. Man they fought hard to keep those, especially Khloe.

I even had to whore myself and the site out for a couple of the ads… But that’s me… dedicated, driven, success minded….. chronic masterbator.

Well anywho…..

Here are some really great ads on products I”m sure you cannot live without.

art school

Baby you're

Burger Wars

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Google Glasses

Greenpeace

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jeager

massengill

nivea

Butterbal

Apple IOS 6