Keeping up with Super Tard


No one really knows the true origins of Super Tard.

Where he came from?
Who he is?
How long has he been here?
Does he wear Depends?

All we have are some snapshots and original art work that suggests that Super Tard has been around for some time and has done some pretty amazing things. Not to mention has taken part in historical events.

What I would like to do is display some of the archived information (photos/art work) that Hot Lard has gathered on Super Tard over the years. We are bringing them forward to you to show the true greatness of this handy-capable super hero.

Fall of the Berlin wall

In this photo you can see Super Tard flying past the wall as it is being brought down. Nobody really knows why Super Tard was flying around the East German side of the wall that day. But is has been rumored that he was there to either make East Germany surrender. Or he heard that East Germany had really good Italian food.

Bonnie & Clyde

This is believed to be the original of the famous photo taken of the two bank robbers. Super Tard had been working undercover for the FBI to help them get information on these two. At the time of this photo Super Tard had infiltrated the gang and was acting like a member. The photo was later altered to remove Super Tard from it to protect his identity. Also, one thing we have learned from this photo is that one of Super Tards super powers is the ability to appear in color no matter what type of photo it is. Amazing, truly amazing.

Kennedy Assassination

When the report of the assassination of the president was originally release; this photo was not included in it. It’s hard to see, but there appears to be a shadowy figure (Upper right) standing behind the wall on the grassy knoll. Some say Super Tard was there to warn the president of his impending doom. Others think he was cheering what he thought was a monster truck rally.

Moon Landing

History states that Neil Armstrong was first man on the moon. Bullshit! Super Tard was there waiting with a flaming bag of dog crap.

Mt St. Helen

It’s hard to see, but in the upper left hand corner of this photo you can see something… or someone flying out of the pyroclastic cloud just before the mountain blew.

Titanic

During the filming of the movie Titanic, it was thought by the producers that the movie did not have enough star power for the bloated budget. So Super Tard was asked to make a cameo appearance.

Racing

This is a shot of Super Tard winning the Indy 500.

Football

During his college days, Super Tard did play a little ball. He played special teams and was used mostly on the field goal blocking team. Due to his below average IQ Super Tard had to attend a school that was used to dealing with much less intelligent students. He went to the University of Texas.

Hanging with Celebrities

This is a picture of Super Tard lifting Paris Hilton over his head… Or he is punching her in the boob. Were not really sure… Whichever it is she is still a skank.

Another TV Spot

Here is Super Tard making his first appearance on the Simpson’s. He has made 763 other appearances.

Battle Photo


This is a dramatic photo of Super Tard doing battle with Evil Jimmy Hendrix. We were told that the battle raged on for days and the only thing that saved Super Tard was the fact he had to go make poopy and forgot what he was doing. So he laid down a took a nap. Evil Jimmy Hendrix got bored of waiting for him and left to parts unknown. But he is still out there and some day these two will have to meet again.

Apple Computers

It is widely believed that Super Tard was one of the original developers of the Apple computer. What you see here is what thought as the first logo design for the company. An angry and egocentric Steve Jobs could not live with Super Tard being better known than he was. So he took a loan from Bill Gates and bought out Super Tards share of the company. Soon after that his likeness was removed from the logo.

Revolutionary War

In 1996 while doing restoration work on this painting, a figure was discovered under the paint. It appears that the original painting had been altered for reasons unknown. Magnetic imaging x-rays were taken of the painting to see what the figure was. After doing so the government stepped in and halted all further work on the famous art work. This is believe to be one of the images taken.


Dawn of Time

This is possibly the oldest evidence of Super Tards existence. These cave drawing clearly depict Super Tard as, “King of the Dinosaurs”.

As of this time this is all the evidence we have on Super Tard. We here at Hot Lard will keep searching for the truth. If you have any information that could help us in this search, please let us know.

Don’t miss the Super Tard Movie and Bed Time story.

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