Observations – 10/11/2013

Here are a few of my Observations going into the weekend.

I really hate it when they put out S.N.M.G.F.I.E.H.P decorations this far ahead of S.N.M.G.F.I.E.H.P.

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This is a sign of a summer well spent.

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This car is so gay, it can’t even park straight in the driveway.

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Since when are your eyes on the top of your fucking head?

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Right now you are all looking at the hat with eyes…. But I want to point out his unzipped pants and partially exposed crotch…. You looked didn’t you? I bet you really hate me for that.  dUnI7jh

I truly love the arts…

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How I feel when a cute girl smiles at me…

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What I imaging I actually look like when a cute girl smiles at me.

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I wonder if news casters get nervous? zNSnM1G

For some reason. I’m in the mood to listen to Pink Floyd….

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Fuck You Kuala Bear…

You need to click on the gif to see it

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I actually prefer the alternate ending to The Lion King.

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I was asked if I knew “The Walking Dead” started this weekend…

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Some “Observations” I have made while being really busy.

Still very busy at work. But wanted to bounce a few new observations off of you all. Hopefully I’ll be back to full time blogging in a few weeks.

Oh… and Butt… Fart… Crotch … There you go, it’s now an official Hot Lard post.

Enjoy,

I wonder how the movie “The Shining” would have looked if it was filmed in a Target store?

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I don’t think this box should be opened….. EVER!!!!

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That is a really really long time to wait for your bags…

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Fuck that…..

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I really, Really, REALLY hate to open these!!!

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I also hate when commercials over act how fucked we are without their product.  QvtS0DR

I often wonder what women dream about…xU0xXxs

I got physically hard when I saw this photos…. I can hardly wait for the sequel.

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Daughter has a date tonight… Better start getting ready.

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I think I’ll just stay in today….

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I bet the clown was very relaxed and satisfied after she finished…

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These two always show up early for Dog Poker Night.

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Looks like there is a Coke deal going down…

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Maybe wearing a coat on picture day was not such a good idea.

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I miss my old CAD system…

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Why are black people so against Fruit Ninja…

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Sometimes I feel like this while climbing the corporate ladder.

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It’s always good to keep your priorities straight….

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Let’s play Cowboys & Indians… You can be the boobies….

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I really hate it when news reporters show up when I’m moving….

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I believe “The Life of Pi” would have looked like this, if it was filmed in 2D only.

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Please, Please, Please, never drink and drive.

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Sometimes, old school is better than nu skool…

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If you are bored with the ghost I left you to play with in my last Observations…. Here is something else to keep you occupied for a few hours.

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Been Busy – Going to stay busy – Here is some shit to get you by…

I want to take a moment and apologize to my followers and the people I follow for not being diligent in reading your posts and getting back to your comments. I have been extremely busy the past few weeks with work and unfortunately, I will remain busy for the next couple of months. (Golly, it really sucks growing up)

I just wanted to let you know that I have not forgotten about you….. OK, some of you I do choose to forget, but the voices in my head keep reminding me of your existence and how important you all are to the master plan of world domination…. Errrr, I may have just said too much.

Anywho…

I wanted to ask you all to please be patient with me, I will get with you and your posts as much as I can, and will try to eek out a post here and there during this busy time.

In the meantime, here are a few observations to tide you over until I get back to blogging full time…

Enjoy…

If the story of Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs were told today, this is how I believe it would end.

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If the Harry Potter movies where made in the 80’s, how do you think they would have looked?

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It’s probably not a good idea to give a blowjob to a stranger at a Rave…

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Large people and water sports, don’t mix…

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qDIUrBefore any of you start to bitch and moan about this one. I am a large person, so it’s OK for me to say this. Plus I was politically correct and referred to these individuals as a “large person”….. But I have lost 60lbs in the last 6 months, and I plan on losing 60 more. After that I will be skinny & they will become “Fat Bastards”….. and it will probably be NOT OK for me to say that then…. Like that ever stopped me before.  

My coffee was really hot this morning…

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Everything is better in 3D!

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Nothing can compare to the awe and sheer beauty of witnessing a unicorn fart.

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Sometimes you just have to go with your gut and say, “Yeah, I can get into this car.”

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This is my lunch when I’m busy at work…

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Maybe I should try to multitask my lunch with other things….

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Or maybe it is just time to find a new career….

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But I really do love my job… I’m just not sure if it really loves me…

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If only we could just wish for what we truly desired….

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I’d wish for some Pizza Fries!!!

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One last thing to keep you entertained while I’m absent.

Click on the picture of the ghost and drag it around the screen… It makes it look like my site is haunted… That should keep you busy for hours. I know it has me!!!!

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More Observations…

Here are some more of my observations…

Some people can make me very angry…. You wouldn’t like when I’m angry.

1

I think the movie Titanic needed more special effects.

2

I believe my daughter may not be telling the truth when she says she is going to study with her friend Karen.

3

When the church choir decided it was strapless dress day, it made it very hard to concentrate on the sermon.

4

My cat really does not want to go for a walk.

5

We need to make more of an effort to design things for little people.

6

Not everyone can (Or should) shake that booty.

7

Engineers should not be allowed to name cars.

8

Not all computers can handle really good porn.

9

Some secrets should be kept…. And never told… EVER!!!!

10

You need to be very careful when choosing a college.

11

I believe this person could possibly be the next president.

12

Beauty is only skin deep…. But ugly is to the bone.

13

I think it is really nice that protesters and police can work together to help this fat guy get his pants off.

14

The next time I am in a store and my wife says, “I want anal sex… RIGHT NOW!” I’ll look for one of these.

15

I believe my wife thinks this is what will happen, every time I take the kids out.

16

It really scares me to think my kids may try underage drinking.

17

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Asians in general are the most cultured and diverse race.

18

I think the cable guy may be trying to tell me something.

19

Sensitivity training for the police is very important.

20

On a hot and sticky day, this is the only way I can get my balls unstuck from my inner thigh.

21

I have no clue what this is or how to feel about it… But it is wrong on so many levels…

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I Can…

Since I have destroyed the 4 gig jump drive I have every single photo, gif file, and post draft on. I pretty much have nothing to do.

So I am looking for ideas of what I can do now that the rest of my weekend is fucked.

What to do…?

What to do…?

What to do…?

I know… I can…..

Take my kids to the water park….

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I can teach others about fireworks safety…

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I can play a game of catch…Carly-Rae-Jepsen-baseball-pitch

I can teach the younger generation to respect their elders…

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I can help out a stranded motorist…

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I can have some water fun with my wife…

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I can go to a concert in the park…

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I can teach my son how to make some money….. Like a lemonade stand, or a paper rout… or…. I guess whatever his little imagination can come up with…

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I can try to make new friends…

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I can try a new sport…

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I can try to learn a new trade…

Car-stealing-fail

I can kill Gorrax, the evil cat overlord of the underworld…

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I can tell evil, “NO, YOU ARE NOT GOING TO WIN TODAY”!!!

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I can take Thor’s Hammer and and see what I can do with it.

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Strongman-hammer-game-fail

I can try to surprise the women in my life…

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Pants-guy-punches-girl

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I can start my dog’s astronaut training…

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I guess I can just drink my sorrows away…

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But I think I’ll just crawl into a dark corner and feel sorry for myself…

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For those of you who thinks its funny that I lost 4 years of stuff… Here’s a gif of Hitler turning into a werewolf monster thingy.

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A brave man being attacked by a giant spider….

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A girl being told by a sheep what it thinks of her dancing…

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And a little girl who’s not afraid to slap your shit around…

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Hope they give you nightmares !!!

Should I…

Along with asking myself “What If” I will also ask, “Should I”  questions from time to time. Such as…

Should I continue my education?

Should I lean another language?

Should I tell that girl I share an elevator every morning with, that I want to motorboat her sweater cows more than anything else in the world?

I believe asking ourselves questions like that, helps us to better ourselves.

Here are a few more “Should I” questions I have….

Should I become an art class model?

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Should I start dating again? Of course this is something that would really piss off my wife.

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Should I become a super hero?

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Should I start working on some of those home repair projects I have been putting off?

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Should I tell my buddy how I really feel when he says he enjoys watching Twilight with his girlfriend?

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Should I join the Mexican Army?

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Should I take up mountain biking?

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Should I learn more about science?

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Should I go for a hike?

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Should I spend more time at the beach?

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Should I teach a young boy how to ride a bike?

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Should I believe in ghosts?

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Should I buy a Corvette?

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Should I get that awesome paint job on my van I’ve always wanted?

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There are so many things I have left to do with my life.