Resurrecting an empire is a lot of hard work. Since restarting the site I have only been able to get around 16 hours of sleep a day. Meaning, I’m running pretty ragged. I have spent my days cleaning offices, looking for working computers and fighting the rats for left over Twinkies. Today was the first time I was able to leave the office for a good period of time. It ended up being a very productive day too. I was able to dart, trap and tag three midget hookers. I can now electronically follow their migration in hopes they will lead me to the heard, allowing me to replenish the ranks. I also got a lead on the whereabouts of The Count of Flanders. A toothless hobo, that smelled of urine and old tuna fish, who refuses to wear pants and thinks he has a talking penis on the back of his head named King Bartholomew III (and who is now our CFO), told me he had heard that The Count was spending his days in a Turkish Prison. Not that he got arrested mind you… The Count just checks in now and then, because he likes that life style.
One of the other big wins I had for today was successfully acquiring advertising for the site. I know, I know… Ads on sites are a sign of selling out. But in today’s market, it is a necessary evil. Plus midget hooker trail mix isn’t free you know. You have to get them hay to lay in and I had to spend some serious money to hire mercenaries to go in and wrestle salt licks away from the Kardashian’s. Man they fought hard to keep those, especially Khloe.
I even had to whore myself and the site out for a couple of the ads… But that’s me… dedicated, driven, success minded….. chronic masterbator.
Here are some really great ads on products I”m sure you cannot live without.