Back when Hot Lard was first started, I can remember one day I was looking through the site stats and happened across the “Search Terms” people used to find our site. Being new to the whole blogging thing, I was unsure how they worked. Someone on the staff was kind enough to let me know, that these terms are the actual words that actual people, actually typed into their computers to describe what they actually wanted to view on their monitors…… It was that day that I lost all faith in humanity.
As I went through the list, my head started to pound and few times I believe I may have lost conciseness. I felt dirty and lost the will to live. How could our world… My world, be filled with such sleaze & vermin. It all came crashing down on me when I realized that these sick and vile terms actually outnumbered the normal search terms such as…. Kitty… or Happy Happy Bunny Love…. Or Blue Berry Muffins made by a Nun.
The one term that caught my eye immediately was “Midget Porn”. I remember thinking to myself, “How the hell did someone find this site with a search term of Midget Porn????” That is such a specific subject that I had not written any such post for. Plus we sure as hell did not display any midget porn…. At least I think we didn’t…. Anywho, how the hell did the Lord and Overseer of the Internet direct these runny nosed, mouth breathers that get off on height challenged individuals erotica to my little slice of heaven?
What was I to do? How could I fight this sickness and drive it away from our happy little world of Hot Lard?????? I had to fight this, I had to fight off these evil hairball goblins before they gave my site….MY WORK as bad name……..Or maybe…. I could go over to the dark side and play to their sickness to get mucho, mucho hits for my site. And that is exactly what I did. I created a character named “Midget Porn” who would star in Mad Lib posts that used these very search terms that the sick and mental deficient used to find this blog. How else do you think I got over a million hits?
And that is what I present to you today…. An all new Hot Lard Midget Porn Mad Lib. It has been a good 3 to 4 years since I last did one of these, so I was a little nervous that maybe after all this time, the search terms would not have the same “Shock & Awe” they once had. But humanity did not let me down. You are all still the same sick, Pedo-rific, panty sniffers we all fear and have restraining orders on.
How this works is, the BOLD words of love and joy are the ones you monkey spankers have come up with. In other words, the BOLD words are the things you… YES YOU, wanted to see on the internet!!!!!
So, as you read through this and get digusted. Just remember…. You sick fucks wrote this, not me!!!
The Return of Midget Porn
Midget Porn and his friends were sitting around one day watching retard porn & nips slips in a 10 lb box of rape, when suddenly Corn Shits the naked hooker came running in with her lesbian sports girl carrying on about anal itching & Star Trek porn. She said that Dog Blowjob the evil female midget with animals was hunting down all the midget ass masters with her anal-intruder-2600 and putting them into lazy town porn.
Midget Porn knew he had to stop midgets farting with a finger in the ass before the sexy hot porn girl got an anal bottle rocket. To do this he enlisted the help of an ugly russian whore to tell anal sex stories to the hairy boobs clan of the smelly ass valley. Anal fat, the town super tard passed this information on to the slutty females of the sore ass tribe. They in turn drove their american motors car to see the midget guy in diapers to let him know of the impending butt sex fail.
Once their forces had gathered, the tattoo of the year monkey cried out, “i fucked my daughter’s hot friend and now i want to fuck shawn Johnson”! A topless hilary duff was holding onto some hot Zelda porn and showed it to her topless sister. Some kissing hotties had trapped some gymnastic lesbians and forced them to blowjob “pamela anderson” with lard ass dudes.
When it was all finished they sat down to watched flashing people videos and passed around olsen twins naked pictures that they found on http://www.pornoskat.com while sharing corn shits with the carpet munchers and the original care bears. They had finally solved the centuries old mystery, is there lard in dairy queen ice cream. What a better way to celebrate their great victor than with a midget happy birthday porn party and a bj in front of audience.
The ass ravage End
Well, there you go… told you it was shocking. I’m sure we all just died a little bit inside. But as I said, I’m only letting you view what you had written. My hands are clean. Oh, BTW… To those of you that will do an internet search on www.pornoskat.com after reading this… May God have mercy on your souls.