Golly, I have been pretty busy. This is my fourth post of the weekend. Who knows, if I get around to doing a mad lib and a Mr. Positive, I may go for the cycle.
Well anyway , here is edition 43 of our beloved Demotivational Posters. I’m sure this batch will touch your heart or give you indigestion. Ether way you’ll feel something inside you that really shouldn’t be there.
Enjoy.
As I work on replenishing my new jump drive with photos and gif files for new posts. I figured I’d share some of the better demotivational posters from our past editions. These are some of what I consider the “Best Of” group. These are posters that can be found in Google searches and on other sites (some claiming them as their own). These are also some of the posters that drive a good majority of the hits to our site. You may actually see some that will make you say, “Hey, I’ve seen that elsewhere…. I didn’t know it was a Hot Lard original”. Well little Timmy, I’m proud to say that they are. They may also make you say,” Blue monkey, banana face, regurgitation house”. If that is the case, then you most likely have deep rooted psychological issues and should seek medical help immediately.
Enjoy….
This next batch are some of my personal favorites. Again these are all Hot Lard originals. The first one is a photo I took.
Well, I hope you enjoyed those. Now back to working on getting new photos and gif files for more stupid future posts.
Along with asking myself “What If” I will also ask, “Should I” questions from time to time. Such as…
Should I continue my education?
Should I lean another language?
Should I tell that girl I share an elevator every morning with, that I want to motorboat her sweater cows more than anything else in the world?
I believe asking ourselves questions like that, helps us to better ourselves.
Here are a few more “Should I” questions I have….
Should I become an art class model?
Should I start dating again? Of course this is something that would really piss off my wife.
Should I become a super hero?
Should I start working on some of those home repair projects I have been putting off?
Should I tell my buddy how I really feel when he says he enjoys watching Twilight with his girlfriend?
Should I join the Mexican Army?
Should I take up mountain biking?
Should I learn more about science?
Should I go for a hike?
Should I spend more time at the beach?
Should I teach a young boy how to ride a bike?
Should I believe in ghosts?
Should I buy a Corvette?
Should I get that awesome paint job on my van I’ve always wanted?
There are so many things I have left to do with my life.
Back when Hot Lard was first started, I can remember one day I was looking through the site stats and happened across the “Search Terms” people used to find our site. Being new to the whole blogging thing, I was unsure how they worked. Someone on the staff was kind enough to let me know, that these terms are the actual words that actual people, actually typed into their computers to describe what they actually wanted to view on their monitors…… It was that day that I lost all faith in humanity.
As I went through the list, my head started to pound and few times I believe I may have lost conciseness. I felt dirty and lost the will to live. How could our world… My world, be filled with such sleaze & vermin. It all came crashing down on me when I realized that these sick and vile terms actually outnumbered the normal search terms such as…. Kitty… or Happy Happy Bunny Love…. Or Blue Berry Muffins made by a Nun.
The one term that caught my eye immediately was “Midget Porn”. I remember thinking to myself, “How the hell did someone find this site with a search term of Midget Porn????” That is such a specific subject that I had not written any such post for. Plus we sure as hell did not display any midget porn…. At least I think we didn’t…. Anywho, how the hell did the Lord and Overseer of the Internet direct these runny nosed, mouth breathers that get off on height challenged individuals erotica to my little slice of heaven?
What was I to do? How could I fight this sickness and drive it away from our happy little world of Hot Lard?????? I had to fight this, I had to fight off these evil hairball goblins before they gave my site….MY WORK as bad name……..Or maybe…. I could go over to the dark side and play to their sickness to get mucho, mucho hits for my site. And that is exactly what I did. I created a character named “Midget Porn” who would star in Mad Lib posts that used these very search terms that the sick and mental deficient used to find this blog. How else do you think I got over a million hits?
And that is what I present to you today…. An all new Hot Lard Midget Porn Mad Lib. It has been a good 3 to 4 years since I last did one of these, so I was a little nervous that maybe after all this time, the search terms would not have the same “Shock & Awe” they once had. But humanity did not let me down. You are all still the same sick, Pedo-rific, panty sniffers we all fear and have restraining orders on.
How this works is, the BOLD words of love and joy are the ones you monkey spankers have come up with. In other words, the BOLD words are the things you… YES YOU, wanted to see on the internet!!!!!
So, as you read through this and get digusted. Just remember…. You sick fucks wrote this, not me!!!
The Return of Midget Porn
Midget Porn and his friends were sitting around one day watching retard porn & nips slips in a 10 lb box of rape, when suddenly Corn Shits the naked hooker came running in with her lesbian sports girl carrying on about anal itching & Star Trek porn. She said that Dog Blowjob the evil female midget with animals was hunting down all the midget ass masters with her anal-intruder-2600 and putting them into lazy town porn.
Midget Porn knew he had to stop midgets farting with a finger in the ass before the sexy hot porn girl got an anal bottle rocket. To do this he enlisted the help of an ugly russian whore to tell anal sex stories to the hairy boobs clan of the smelly ass valley. Anal fat, the town super tard passed this information on to the slutty females of the sore ass tribe. They in turn drove their american motors car to see the midget guy in diapers to let him know of the impending butt sex fail.
Once their forces had gathered, the tattoo of the year monkey cried out, “i fucked my daughter’s hot friend and now i want to fuck shawn Johnson”! A topless hilary duff was holding onto some hot Zelda porn and showed it to her topless sister. Some kissing hotties had trapped some gymnastic lesbians and forced them to blowjob “pamela anderson” with lard ass dudes.
When it was all finished they sat down to watched flashing people videos and passed around olsen twins naked pictures that they found on http://www.pornoskat.com while sharing corn shits with the carpet munchers and the original care bears. They had finally solved the centuries old mystery, is there lard in dairy queen ice cream. What a better way to celebrate their great victor than with a midget happy birthday porn party and a bj in front of audience.
The ass ravage End
Well, there you go… told you it was shocking. I’m sure we all just died a little bit inside. But as I said, I’m only letting you view what you had written. My hands are clean. Oh, BTW… To those of you that will do an internet search on www.pornoskat.com after reading this… May God have mercy on your souls.
There is nothing I love more than Strippers & Alcohol.
Here is a shot of the Despicable Me Minions before all the fame and fortune. As you can see, they came from very humble beginnings like most of us.
Before the success, life was pretty hard on the minions. They could not afford many of life’s essentials and were forced to do unspeakable things to make ends meet. Many of the minions were forced into minion prostitution and minion porn. Some were even sold to Max Factor and Maybelline to test makeup. It is widely believed today, that is how they got their bright yellow skin color.
Things looked bleak for the minion race and minion extinction was all but certain, if things did not change soon. Fortunately the movie hit and thanks to the makeup testing that caused their incoherent rambling and bright yellow glow, kids fell in love with them. So it goes to prove that animal or minion testing does seem to work out for the testies… Now we just need a cartoon about rabbits wearing lipstick and eyeliner and everyone should be happy.
Of course, no matter how bad it got for the minions, none of them looked as bad as Spongebob Squarepants after he lost his fame.
Breaks your heart, doesn’t it.
Below are a selection of photos that mostly feature our wonderful furry friends of the wild. Captions have been added to each one to help you, our special (ED) readers, have a better understanding of what our animal friends are trying to say in them.
I did also include a couple photos of humans. One is of my sweet sweet grandmother…. But she is kinda furry, so I guess she would fit right into theses.
I’ve decided to create a post that gives our audience a warm and fuzzy feeling. Because I’m in the process of creating a new Mad lib post using the search terms that , errrrrrrrr…. I mean, our wonderful readers use to find this little piece of Heaven we call a blog. If you have not read one of these Mad Lib posts before, let me warn you… It will turn your hair white… Isn’t humanity wonderful??? sick ass scum of the earth
So in the meantime, enjoy these……. Before you are forced to lose all faith in humanity.
Just a little update here…. I was asked if I came up with these captions. I did for all but two…. and those two are under witness protection.
It has been nearly three years since I have last created a demotivational poster. So I decided to start out small (only 9 entries this time) in hopes to get the hang of doing it again.
After finishing I have to admit…. Nope, it just didn’t click.
So after looking at these, if you fall violently ill, just remember, I warned you.
Well there you go…. and remember, if you get sick from these, you have Obamacare to nurse you to the grave… errrrrrrrrrrrrrr I mean back to health.
Not saying you can’t afford your own health insurance… I just know my readers and… Well, most of you don’t have jobs… So, yes, you can’t afford your own health insurance.
Resurrecting an empire is a lot of hard work. Since restarting the site I have only been able to get around 16 hours of sleep a day. Meaning, I’m running pretty ragged. I have spent my days cleaning offices, looking for working computers and fighting the rats for left over Twinkies. Today was the first time I was able to leave the office for a good period of time. It ended up being a very productive day too. I was able to dart, trap and tag three midget hookers. I can now electronically follow their migration in hopes they will lead me to the heard, allowing me to replenish the ranks. I also got a lead on the whereabouts of The Count of Flanders. A toothless hobo, that smelled of urine and old tuna fish, who refuses to wear pants and thinks he has a talking penis on the back of his head named King Bartholomew III (and who is now our CFO), told me he had heard that The Count was spending his days in a Turkish Prison. Not that he got arrested mind you… The Count just checks in now and then, because he likes that life style.
One of the other big wins I had for today was successfully acquiring advertising for the site. I know, I know… Ads on sites are a sign of selling out. But in today’s market, it is a necessary evil. Plus midget hooker trail mix isn’t free you know. You have to get them hay to lay in and I had to spend some serious money to hire mercenaries to go in and wrestle salt licks away from the Kardashian’s. Man they fought hard to keep those, especially Khloe.
I even had to whore myself and the site out for a couple of the ads… But that’s me… dedicated, driven, success minded….. chronic masterbator.
Well anywho…..
Here are some really great ads on products I”m sure you cannot live without.
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