NI!

 

 

Just popped in to say “Hi”…. Oh, and here are a few other projects I’m working on

Hey all, just wanted to check in and let you know that the movie is going well.

OK, maybe not well… but it is going. Had some trouble with the local authorities. Apparently some people have issues with my film crew pillaging the small towns around here. Also, did you know that in some countries it is illegal to run through the streets wearing a pink tootoo and jelly donuts as a bra, exclaiming you are an angry God and demanding all the local virgins come to the town square for a SpaghettiO’s bath and spankings? Some places have no culture I guess.

I also want to take a moment to thank Shana for the great job she is doing. Because of her hard work, we are now a pay-per-view site. I figured I’d have to go back to showing barn yard porn again to charge for views… But apparently she knows away around that, and can make people pay for things other than porn.  Amazing what science can do these days.

Because of the great reception the Hot Lard movie is getting. I’d like to show you some other projects I have worked on or will be working on soon. I don’t want to brag, but I’m seeing an Oscar sitting in the Hot Lard women’s room trophy case in the near future.

Been Busy – Going to stay busy – Here is some shit to get you by…

I want to take a moment and apologize to my followers and the people I follow for not being diligent in reading your posts and getting back to your comments. I have been extremely busy the past few weeks with work and unfortunately, I will remain busy for the next couple of months. (Golly, it really sucks growing up)

I just wanted to let you know that I have not forgotten about you….. OK, some of you I do choose to forget, but the voices in my head keep reminding me of your existence and how important you all are to the master plan of world domination…. Errrr, I may have just said too much.

Anywho…

I wanted to ask you all to please be patient with me, I will get with you and your posts as much as I can, and will try to eek out a post here and there during this busy time.

In the meantime, here are a few observations to tide you over until I get back to blogging full time…

Enjoy…

If the story of Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs were told today, this is how I believe it would end.

If the Harry Potter movies where made in the 80’s, how do you think they would have looked?

It’s probably not a good idea to give a blowjob to a stranger at a Rave…

Large people and water sports, don’t mix…

Before any of you start to bitch and moan about this one. I am a large person, so it’s OK for me to say this. Plus I was politically correct and referred to these individuals as a “large person”….. But I have lost 60lbs in the last 6 months, and I plan on losing 60 more. After that I will be skinny & they will become “Fat Bastards”….. and it will probably be NOT OK for me to say that then…. Like that ever stopped me before.  

My coffee was really hot this morning…

Everything is better in 3D!

Nothing can compare to the awe and sheer beauty of witnessing a unicorn fart.

Sometimes you just have to go with your gut and say, “Yeah, I can get into this car.”

This is my lunch when I’m busy at work…

Maybe I should try to multitask my lunch with other things….

Or maybe it is just time to find a new career….

But I really do love my job… I’m just not sure if it really loves me…

If only we could just wish for what we truly desired….

I’d wish for some Pizza Fries!!!

One last thing to keep you entertained while I’m absent.

Click on the picture of the ghost and drag it around the screen… It makes it look like my site is haunted… That should keep you busy for hours. I know it has me!!!!

Finding the person behind the dot – Another Update, the dots keep rolling in.

We have a few new dots to identify on the Hot Lard Readers map.

Fist off, thank you to cat9984 the author of Adventures in Cheeseland: Working in a Big Box. Please click the link to visit Cat’s page.  Cat is out of central Michigan. That is Big Ten country, so that is a good thing. Especially now that Michigan beat Notre Dame. Cat wanted to give us some more information, but apparently the witness relocation program does not allow that. So we’ll just have to go with central Michigan for now…. Until the Hot Lard secrete death ray satellite can find Cat’s true location. I like to go to Cat’s site when I want to feel…… normal. It’s hard for me to categorize Cat’s site. Other than saying it is just a good read on subjects like, family, vacation, shopping, humor, osmosis….. Oh and cheese, let’s not forget cheese.

Next is someone near and dear to my heart… or is that a tumor? Well anywho, give it up for Buffalo Tom Peabody. Tom is an amazing person that does really neat things with a cat……..  I see that look on your face and no, it is not like that donkey show you saw in Tijuana. Tom is the cat and does all sorts of really neat and wonderful things. I get a good laugh every time I go to his site. Just a word of warning, Tom is blind, so you will have to speak up when you talk to him. He tells me I don’t have to shout, but I’m sure it’s because he is just trying to be polite. But I yell anyway, because that is the type of kind hearted person I am. ISN’T THAT RIGHT TOM!!!  I…….SAID……ISN’T…….THAT….RIGHT?!?!?!?! Oh and click here to see a very special post of his… Check out the really cool T-shirt.

And finally there is Elizabeth Melton Parsons  If that is your real name!!! I mean come on!!!! I believe cat9984 and Buffalo Tom Peabody could be real people…. But Elizabeth Melton Parsons… that has FAKE NAME written all over it. I guess some people just don’t want to show their true selves… sigh. Well anyway “E L Z A B E T H” or what ever…. I love to go to your site when I want to see how beautiful the world can be. She does things with a camera that are truly amazing….. Again, get your mind off of that show you saw in Tijuana!!! GEESH! If you want to sit back and go, “AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH… the world is good”. Go to her site and look at her pictures. They will truly amaze. Except the bug photos… those are creepy and need to be killed with fire.

Updated Map – Click on it to enlarge

For the rest of you, if you would like to be added to the map, please leave a comment with your general location, GPS tracking number, blood sample, favorite color, & shirt size. If you refuse to submit and give me your location, I’ll train the Hot Lard secrete death ray satellite on you and take you out…. I know what you are saying now, “But Ervin, if you don’t know where we are, how can you take us out?”… That is a good question and I really have not worked out all the finer details of that quite yet. But I figured if I just go for the scorched earth thing, I’ll eventually hit you or someone you care about… BUH WA  HA HA HA  (that’s my evil laugh)

Oh, one last thing Elizabeth (Or whoever you really are) the satellite is trained on you right now… Give me your real name or I’ll….. ummm… learn… what… all these… buttons… do… and push the one that gets you!!!. (Repeat evil laugh here)

Finding the person behind the dot – Update, a new dot has been identified

We have an update for the Hot Lard Readers map. A new dot has been identified. Thank you Sloth (An old time visitor of Hot Lard) has claimed the dot in San Antonio, Texas.

I’ve also included the location of the secrete undersea headquarters of Hot Lard.

Please join in, so I can fill out the map and know where I can stalk……………….errrrrrrrrrr I mean, know where you are all from.

Thanks again Sloth!!!

A Message to the “Real Fans” of Star Trek

I just read that the supposed “Real Fans” of Star Trek, voted the latest movie release Star Trek: Into Darkness the worst movie of the franchise.

Really…?

Ummmmm, who are these “Real Fans” and what qualifies you as one. I ask, because I have been a Trek fan since the original series. I think I officially became a “Trekker” during the Next Generation era. And I even gave the other offshoots, Deep Space Nine, Voyager & Enterprise a try. Can’t say I was a big fan of the last three series offerings, but I do let them stand on their own merit. I believe that one of the reasons the last three did not work as well, is because they were just more of the same thing. New stories, different crew, but still same the ole ho hum Star Trek viewings.

The same thing goes for the movies. I’m a big fan and have seen each and every one of them the first week of their release; had them all on VHS, Laser Disc, then DVD, and finally Blue Ray. But just like the series, the movies were starting to get tired. By the time Nemesis rolled around, watching it was like masturbating for the sixth time in a week to the same photo of Sarah Palin. It can be done, but you really have to work at it. I guess I was really tired of watching D list actors (With some exceptions of course -Sir Patrick Stewart) just read their lines to collect a paycheck. Nemesis bombed at the box office, breaking the even number streak of Star Trek movies and we all knew it was time for some fresh blood.

In 2009 the savior of the franchise came. The JJ Abrams release of Star Trek was exactly what this tired franchise needed. The movie was fast paced, action packed, had a good story that kept the audience into the movie, and got new viewers interested in Star Trek again. I personally love this movie and rank it right below Star Trek II as best of the franchise. Three years later Star Trek: Into Darkness was released and admittedly it is not as good as its 2009 predecessor. But it was still a good movie that I enjoyed a lot.  I can hardly wait to get it on Blue Ray on September 10^th.

So it completely pisses me off when I hear that so called “Real Fans” of Star Trek are saying that the new movies are an abomination and should not be considered “REAL” Star Trek movies. I guess the “Real Fans” gathered last week and voted Star Trek: Into Darkness the worst of the franchise…… The worst……? Really?

OK, so called “Real Fans”, let me get this straight. You are saying that Into Darkness is worse than Star Trek: The Final Frontier…… Really? Final Frontier…. The movie that is considered by many people one of the worst movies of all time…. Not just worst of Star Trek movies…. BUT WORST OF ALL MOVIES!!!! This is the movie that we had to suffer through three old guys signing Row-row-row your boat and see a very old Uhura do a (Gulp) nude fan dance….. (Shudder). This movie was so bad, I broke up with my girlfriend at the time for taking me to see it… I heard she was never able to get over the break-up and ended her life in a very horrifying manner…. That almost makes up for taking me to that movie.

Oh and everyone that was responsible for unleashing the horror of Star Trek: Insurrection onto the unsuspecting public should be taken out to a public square and stoned to death. Then all their offspring should be killed just to prevent any of them from releasing any sort of movies themselves.

And let’s talk about Star Trek: The Motion Picture….. I’d like to tell you how it ends, but I’ve never been able to stay awake through the entire movie. It is God-awful boring!!! Even Sheldon Cooper says it is the worst Star Trek movie, and as we all know, Sheldon is never wrong.

So that brings me to what makes someone a “Real Fan” of Star Trek. I thought I was a real fan and figured I could be part of the movie vote. But after looking at the official “Real Fan” rule book I guess I was disqualified. First off, I’ve had sex…. With a girl…… A REAL GIRL! Sorry, but blow up dolls, Anime love pillows, and that girl you had naughty words with on the Trek Masturbaters Dating Chat Line does not count. You do realize that girl was really a 56 year old convicted sex offender truck driver with Psoriasis and anal warts don’t you?

Plus I have children that are biologically mine. (Once again, that goes back to the having sex thing I guess). I have my own home, car and job….. Shoot, I guess that disqualifies me again. A “Real Fan” of Star Trek must live in the basement of his grandmother’s home, be unemployed, and cannot drive because they are too busy with important things like…….. ummmmmm….. Minecraft & WOW? Also the fact that I can talk to a girl without wetting my pants, keeps me out of the vote. And no that does not count the time that the girl in the elevator smiled at you. She was only smiling because your unwashed body odor was not making her eyes water that day. Plus all girls know that smiling at a “Real Fan” of Star Trek keeps them from having to talk to you. They know that a mere smile renders the “Real Fan” of Star Trek helpless to uncontrollable bowl movements. After a smile from the opposite sex you are using all your energy trying to keep last night’s hot pocket from decorating the back of your Pokémon underpants. So that prevents you from covering them with your rotting Mt Dew & Lunchables breath while trying to ask them to the Capt Kirk under the sea, sock hope. It’s true, it’s taught to them in Sex Ed at school. Lesson one: Avoiding the smelly geek who doesn’t know shit about what makes a good movie but will give his dumbass opinion anyway.

To be a “Real Fan” of Star Trek, you must like movies with special effects that are 20 years behind the times. They must consist of old (Past their prime) actors sitting around boardroom tables discussing the relevance to Duranioum 234 and speaking to Klingon tax adjusters in their own dialect. Did you see the fight seen between Riker and the bad guy that mind fucked Deanna Troi in Star Trek: Nemesis?   If not, go ahead and watch it now…. It’s OK, I’ll wait………………………………… All done? Looked like two senior citizens fighting over the last jar of prunes at the old folk’s home didn’t it.

Apparently that is what “Real Fans” of Star Trek prefer for their movies.

Well “Real Fans” of Star Trek let me make this clear from all of the “Non-Real Fans” of Star Trek…. SHUT THE FUCK UP!!!

Shut the fuck up and crawl back in your grandmother’s basement and masturbate to your Japanese anime porn. You do not speak for all of us. We like the new movies, we NEEDED the new movies. You are out of date morons that are angry because girls are now going to see the new Trek movies and that makes your asthma act up. We not so real fans, like the opposite sex and enjoy that fact that our favorite movie franchise is now relevant. We cannot wait for the third movie of this reboot to be released and hope it is just as fun, flashy, and as disturbing to you “Real Fans” as the last two were. As a matter of a fact, we all hope it kills you, so the next generation of Trek fans can move forward with this franchise without you.

Remember you idiots; Star Trek was the first show that had all races working together as equals. Star Trek showed the first interracial kiss on TV. This was unheard of in those days.  If the early generations of Trek creators thought the same as you did, (Let’s not try anything new, let’s stick with what has worked in the past) none of that would have happened. And the Star Trek that we have today and that I and many million others love so much, would not be the corner stone of the science fiction universe.

So in closing, I am a Star Trek fan and am proud to admit it. I may not wear the ears or know how the warp engines on the Enterprise work. But I enjoy the TV shows and movies just the same. I have a vote and a voice. My voice is telling you “Real Fans” of Star Trek to kiss my ass, sit down, shut the fuck up and watch the movie in silence…. Oh and try not to fart or puke on the girl sitting next to you… Trust me, shes is not happy to have to be near you either.

Thank you and enjoy the next Trek release in 2016 just in time for the 50^th anniversary. Golly, it must be driving you “Real Fans” nuts knowing the movie for the 50^th anniversary will be a reboot format…. That makes me smile.

Hot Lard turns 6

Today, Hot Lard is six years old…

Happy birthday to us…

Happy birthday to us…

Happy birthday to uuuuuuuuuuuuuuussssssssssssssss….

Huh…. nobody else is singing….

Oh well, happy birthday Hot Lard. Other than the 2 years, 9 months, and 1 day… Or 1005 days…, or 143 weeks and 4 days…, or 24,120 hours…, or 1,447,200 minutes…, or 86,832,000 seconds we didn’t do anything. It has been a fun ride.

Today I Poop…

Unlike most of you, (probably 38% to 95%) of you, I do not poop every day.  I do not poop once a week or even once a month. No, I only poop once a year, and today is the day.

You are probably asking yourself now, “Should I have the chicken or fish for dinner”?  Which has nothing to do with this subject and I ask that you start paying attention like the rest of us.  Pooping once a year has so many advantages over pooping every day. I know you pooping novice have no idea what I am talking about, so let me educate you.

(1.) The time I save – Pooping once a day takes up anywhere from 10 to 30 minutes of your daily routine. If you are a multi-daily pooper, you can double or triple that number. Adding that up over a lifetime you have wasted…  hmmm let’s see…. Add the 1… carry the 4…. Divide by banana… that comes to 76.29% of your life is spent on the toilet pooping.

 Whereas pooping only once a year takes up just 1 hour….. Actually it’s more like 10 minutes (Believe me), but I like to read and that is about how long it takes me to get through a Jughead comic.

 (B.) Stress of going poop – As a daily pooper, you are faced with daily poop stresses.  Should I poop at work? Can I hold it for the drive home?  What is this hole in the stall wall….? It says to stick my fingers through it…. OK, sounds simple…. OH LOOK! Someone just stuck their penis through.

But a yearly pooper doesn’t give a rat’s ass where they go. Trust me, after a year of no pooping, I’ll cop a squat in the oval office if need be…… Oh right, as if that is the worst thing that has ever happened there!?!?!?!?

(Bat Signal.) The Smell – Do you realize that you daily poopers have to smell your poop (And the poop of others) every time you sit down…. That is 76.29% of your life smelling poop.  What a horrible way to live a life.  It is so bad for you poor souls that the mention of any action reminds you of poop.  Try this…. What do you think of when I say, “I enjoy eating a double beef and bean burrito when I have diarrhea”. You think of pooping don’t you?  I knew it.

Now, we yearly poopers don’t smell a thing…. The reason for this is that after a year of no pooping, the outflow is so violent, we barley stay conscious for more than 10 seconds of the process. By the time we are revived, the hazmat teams have already cleaned up the mess, or quarantined the building… block…. town… or state.

(blue.) Poopers Fatigue – Pooping daily gets tiring. I know; I used to do it. You have to drag yourself in there again & again. This may be the third time today you have done this and you already masturbated on the second go around, so there really isn’t anything for you to do now.  So eventually you just give in and hope that gravity will do its job.

But for us yearly poopers it is an invigorating experience. I feel so much better after I do it. My last poop, I lost 397 lbs. Tell me if that wouldn’t make you feel (And Look) great. Of course the children who witnessed it at the preschool I was forced to go at, will probably need therapy for the rest of their lives. But physiotherapists need work too, don’t they? Plus I’ve heard that the shock therapy treatments to make them forget the memory of their teacher losing her life to what must have looked  like an evil living mass of fecal matter hungry for human flesh, has worked very well for them.

Now, you are asking me, “Golly Ervin, how can we too only poop once a year”? I’d love to answer that question for you, but I am very hunger now and want to eat this Bean & Cheese & Bean & Cheese & Bean & Even More Cheese burrito. ……………………………………………………………………………………

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….. GULP!

OK I’m back. Where were we…? Oh yes, my trip to Illinois. So I’m standing there with this hatchet in my hand, covered in the truck stop waitress’s blood and…. Huh? What? Ooooohhhh, you are the group I was talking about poop with…. Ummmmm, let’s not tell anyone about that Illinois thing, OK. I’m already wanted in 16 states; don’t need to completely lock out the Midwest for me.  Thanks!

Moving forward….

I am in the process of driving home to take my yearly poop in the privacy of my own bathroom.  There is nothing more tranquil and relaxing as unloading several hundred pounds of stored up recycled food in one’s own abode. Once I wake up from the coma, I’ll let you all know how I feel and show you pictures……… Of my weight lose….. Oh, you thought I was going to show pictures of…… Man you are one really weird group of people.  Thank you for taking the time out of your busy day to read about my poop.

One final observation…

Do you realize that you daily poopers that spend 76.29% of your lives sitting on the toilet pooping , just spent another 10 minutes of your life reading a 921 word post about someone else’s bowel movement? You people are obsessed with this shit…. Get a life will yah… you disgust me.

A few stills from the up coming JJ Abrams, Star Wars Episode VII

I believe the “Force” will “Live Long & Prosper”.

Click here if you would like to see the Star Wars VII set.

The past 2 years, 9 months, and 1 day… Or 1005 days…, or 143 weeks and 4 days…, or 24,120 hours…, or 1,447,200 minutes…, or 86,832,000 seconds. PART#1

So, I know what you are thinking…

Is this really free fudge I have found in the back of my pants, and should I really be eating it?

But after that I’m sure you are thinking… Should I leave my pants on today while I ride the bus?

Then of course you will think about Jell-O Wrestling, Inter-species love making, and where you hid that body last night…

Finally, you should get around to wondering… What the hell happened to Hot Lard and its staff and what have they been doing for the last 2 years, 9 months, and 1 day… Or 1005 days…, or 143 weeks and 4 days…, or 24,120 hours…, or 1,447,200 minutes…, or 86,832,000 seconds.

What’s that….? You never once wondered that? Well then, fuck you! Get the hell out of here and go back to your Feminine Hygiene blog you pansy. For the rest of you, I’ll be happy to answer that question.

To start, the story is too long and sordid to just put it down in one post. So I’ll break it up in to many different posts to be able to give you as much information as possible… and give our lawyers as much time as they need to go over the information to prevent me from incriminating myself.

Of course, who am I fooling?  Hot Lard does not have lawyers any more. We don’t have any of the old staff or marketing team. The midget hookers have all gone on to bigger and better endeavors.  Or have all died from the tininess that has plagued them from the day they were born and finally ended their miserable tiny lives.

Hell, we don’t even have a front door anymore. After everyone left, the building was boarded up and sold to Hollywood Video to become their new headquarters. Now what the hell does Hollywood Video need with a cream corn wresting ring and a suicide pit? After they went under, I guess Hostess bought the place. That makes more sense to me; they would have much more use for the midget hooker yeast factory that we had out back.

Well anywho…  After they went belly up, the building sat vacant until one morning when I was going through someone else’s belongings and found a key. It was a key to the front door of Hot Lard.  It had been 2 years, 9 months, and 1 day… Or 1005 days…, or 143 weeks and 4 days…, or 24,120 hours…, or 1,447,200 minutes…, or 86,832,000 seconds, since I had last set foot in the building. I had thought about going back to see the old place several times in the past 2 years, 9 months, and 1 day… Or 1005 days…, or 143 weeks and 4 days…, or 24,120 hours…, or 1,447,200 minutes…, or 86,832,000 seconds. But I had lost my key and had no way to get in.

Now that I had a means to get back into my past; (Maybe the 16^th happiest time of my life… More like 17^th… Ok 18^th, No 20^th) I decided to leave my position as Amanda Bynes moral compass and hitchhike across the country to Scurvy Hills, Utah and the possibility of reliving my dream of becoming a millionaire by enslaving the Mormons and  forcing them to create egg carton art erotica. But alas… the truck driver that was giving me a ride, got pissed off because I refused to give him head for mileage, and dropped me off in fucking Iowa. Which just so happens to be the home of your favorite web site Hot Lard.

Standing there blankly looking at the building that held so many of my fondest memories; which included journalistic integrity and midget torture. I realized that I finally had a key to the place; and being the Mormon idea was out of the question, (unless I learned to swallow) I could start here again and maybe…. Juuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuust maybe… if I worked really, really hard… The Mormons would eventually have to bow down to me and call me master. But if not, I could always fall back on this blogging thing.

As I gleefully skipped up to the building… Yes, I gleefully skip, don’t you? I realized that the front door was missing. It appeared that it had been gone for a very long time… So the whole part about waiting to find the key was pretty much pointless I guess. Remember, I referred to the door being missing in the first part of this story dumbass….. So you should have known that the whole time you were reading about me finding the key was just an enormous waste of your time. But it did bring my word count up for this post and that is important.

Going through the building it was hard to recognize any thing. All the old Hot Lard amenities were gone.  (I’m going to use HL for Hot Lard for the rest of this story… What can I say, I’m lazy.)  Hostess had removed all the Demotivational posters we had hanging around the building. How the hell could they weed out the weak if you didn’t have constant reminders of what losers they were? Those posters kept our suicide signup sheet full… Another item they removed. They even converted the HL puke-a-torium into a kitchen to make the Twinkies.  Actually the Twinkie thing was pretty good. I hadn’t had anything to eat or any food offered to me in the past two days. (Unless you want to include the truck driver offering up his man-sausage) There were Twinkies lying all over the place, so I had a feast. Of course I caught and sacrificed and few rats to the evil squirrel god Gorrax first. A lot may have changed over these past 2 years, 9 months, and 1 day… Or 1005 days…, or 143 weeks and 4 days…, or 24,120 hours…, or 1,447,200 minutes…, or 86,832,000 seconds, but I had not lost my religion.

After eating and puking and then eating and puking… then I think I puked a little bit more… Just because it’s fun. Who doesn’t like to good puke, am I write? I then set out to explore the building. I was hoping to find anything that may have been left over from the old HL days.  As I trudged through this dark and desolate place it occurred to me that I had left the gas on at my apartment and everyone that slept there was probably dead now. And yes, I’ll admit… it did put a little smile on my face.

Everything was gone!!!! There was nothing, nothing at all left of the old HL. No computers, no servers, no Post-it note porn art.  I was truly bummed and starting to get a little mad… The anger started to grow and I knew that those damn dirty Mormons were going to pay dearly once I ruled over them.  And then out of the corner of my eye, I saw a weak glow coming from a broom closet. As I stared into the light, it became brighter and brighter until I had to shield my eyes or go blind.   I staggered over to the closet… Because I had been sniffing Head-rush the entire time I was in there and that affects my balance.

Once I got to the door (Yes there was a door there this time) I open it (No duh) and looked upon the treasures that waited for me inside. It was the Hot Lard Commodore 64 server and the file cabinet that we kept all the blackmail information we had on our employees.  With this, I could rebuild my kingdom, I could bring Hot Lard out of the grave and back to the prominence it once had. Once again Hot Lard would be the 6^th most important web sit on the Internet, I would be the 3^rd most powerful person on the Web… And those damn Mormons would tremble at the sound of my voice.

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And so that is where we are today. I have setup shop in the new HL office (The old Hostess broom closet) and plan on searching out the old staff to bring them back here, dead or alive.

So that’s it… That is how Hot Lard was started back up again. In the next few posts I’ll let you all know what has become of the old staff and what they have been doing for the past 2 years, 9 months, and 1 day… Or 1005 days…, or 143 weeks and 4 days…, or 24,120 hours…, or 1,447,200 minutes…, or 86,832,000 seconds.

I’ll also try to add some interesting photos from our adventures over the past 2 years, 9 months, and 1 day… Or 1005 days…, or 143 weeks and 4 days…, or 24,120 hours…, or 1,447,200 minutes…, or 86,832,000 seconds, just as soon as I figure out how to use this !@#$$@ Photo editor.

I’d love to write some more right now, but I have to get to work on refurbishing the offices. (Broom Closet) The floor needs to be swept; the desk needs to be mended… Probably should put a new coat of paint on the walls… You’d think that after all these years, the blood stains would have faded….

Finally, I’d like to apologize for any misspelling and grammatical errors that may be in this post.  I’ve hired someone to proof read my writing before it gets into the site. But it has been a very long time since I have done this and I was really excited and……… Well, I prematurely posted. It’s a common affliction in men between the ages of 30 and 65…… YES IT IS!!!

Welcome back readers

Ervin Shlopnick