Some time back I was a loyal customer of NetFlix. What a great idea! Order movie rentals on the internet and in 1 to 2 days your movies arrive in the mail and you can keep them as long or as LITTLE amount of time as you want. I had the 5 movie membership (The second most expensive they offered at that time). I even talked a few friends into purchasing the service after they heard from me what a great deal it was.
So here I was, loving the great service…… The problem was, apparently I was loving it to much. You see NetFux in all of their evil wisdom decided that people who used their service too much, were lower forms of life and needed to be beaten in public and shamed for all the world to see. They started a new policy (That they did not let anyone know about) called, “Throttling”. What this new double super secret policy did was punish people who did not hold onto their movies for more than 145 days, saving NewtFuckers 45 cents on shipping fees. The punishment they dolled out to us “Frequent Viewers” (that is an actual term they used to describe us) was to not send us demon fodder the videos that were on the top of our lists or taking up to a week to send our movies which was advertise by them to take only a day or two… Or in my case both.
The two problems I had with this was that:
- The NumbFux outlet was less than an hour’s drive from my house. But it took them 5 days to mail me a movie.
- They absolutely refused to admit they were doing this.
That was until they were sued in a California court for false advertising and lost 2.5 million dollars (That’s a lot of 45 cent postage stamps)
I don’t know if any of you have ever tried to contact NetEnron. It is nearly impossible to talk to anyone on the phone and when you use their email, you get nothing but canned responses. As you will see in my first couple of e-mails to them. Needless to say that after a couple of wasted attempts to get any real answers from NutFudge I decided to just let loose.
My first e-mail to Nutkicks…
I would like to know why the movie I had at the top of my list was skipped over and a movie below it was sent in its place. I placed that movie at the top of the list because that is the one I wanted first. If it was not, I would have placed it lower on the list. (Please don’t say you were out of the movie because this happened early Monday morning and I know you had it in) This is not the first time this has happened to me and I’m getting tired of it. You have 24 hours to send me the movie at the top of my list or I’ll take my business elsewhere.
Also can you explain to me why it takes 4 days for you to send me some movies? Please don’t blame the postal service, you always get your movies back from me in a day. But you show 3 to 4 days for a movie to be returned to me. I live one hours drive from your outlet. I’m not paying for this. Please correct this or I’m gone.
NewbornFuckers first canned response…
It’s a bit long, all it does it list all of their rules, you may just want to skim this one.
Thanks for your message.
To help you manage your Rental Queue, we provide inventory information for each title you add to your Queue. Due to the fact inventory status fluctuates constantly; it is possible that the status may vary before the movie can be shipped. Please note that all expected “wait” designations are simply estimated according to overall demand and inventory levels.
There are overall estimated “short wait”, “long wait” and “very long wait” status designations, but these do not indicate the exact waiting time for you in regards to receiving this title.
We do suggest keeping your Queue in your chosen order despite a wait designation. This will allow our system to attempt to process the title for you each time a return is received from you. If your top choice title becomes available to you at the time you make a return, it will be shipped to you. If not, we will process the next available title in your Queue for shipment.
We apologize for any inconvenience this wait may be causing you. At present, our goal is to ship you the DVDs listed highest in your Queue. If the first is not available, we will ship the second; if the second is not available, we will ship the third, and so on. Your Queue will indicate when we expect your next available title to be shipped. After the title has been shipped, you will receive an e-mail letting you know that the title has been shipped and its estimated arrival date.
You may also return to the site to confirm which title has shipped and get an estimated arrival date. You may view your Rental Queue via the following link:
Here is how we process and ship our DVDs:
We receive rental returns Monday through Friday, except holidays. We process nearly 100% of returns the same day we receive them. When we check-in a return, an email is automatically and promptly sent to you to let you know that we have received your DVD. At present our goal is to ship you the DVDs listed highest in your Queue. Also, we currently try to ship you DVDs from the distribution center closest to you so that you get movies quickly.
Often, on the same day that we receive a DVD from you, we will ship the next available DVD from your Queue. In certain instances, your next available DVD will not ship until at least one business day following our receipt of your returned movie. This can occur, for example, when your top choices are not available to you from your closest distribution center or the number of shipments to be processed by the distribution center on that day has been exceeded. When this happens, your DVD will likely ship on the next business day and may come from an alternate distribution center.
In determining priority for shipping and inventory allocation, we give priority to those members who receive the fewest DVDs through our service. As a result, those members who receive the most movies may experience that (i) the shipment of their next available DVDs occurs at least one business day following return of their previously viewed movie, (ii) delivery takes longer, as the shipments may not be processed from their local distribution center and (iii) they receive movies lower in their Queue more often than our other members. By prioritizing in this way, we help assure a balanced experience for all our members. Those that rent a lot of movies get a great value and those with lighter viewing habits are able to count on our service to meet their limited needs.
When we ship you another DVD we automatically and promptly send you an email letting you know that it’s on the way and telling you the estimated arrival date.
If you have any further questions or concerns, please feel free to contact us.
Netflix Customer Service
Thanks for telling me nothing. Here is my second serious e-mail to Netfinks…
Thank you for the canned and bullshit answer you sent. We all know that the reason I am having so much trouble with you is because you have pick me out as a “Frequent Viewer” and you have “Throttled” me.
Please read the story at this link.
The truly sad thing about all this is that you will not admit you are doing it. If you would come out and say, “We will only allow ‘X’ number of rentals a month” I could have lived with that. But this little game you play with week long return times and not getting my top choice is getting old. I will not pay you money to be treated like a second class customer. Please let me know what you intend to do about this so I may decide if I am going to keep my account with you or not.
It is truly sad that you have gotten so big that you think you can treat the customer like this.
Looking forward to seeing you in bankruptcy in the future.
Please take a look at the long drawn out explanation NetBlow sent me. Man they really showed they care about the customer with this one.
Thank you for contacting Netflix.com customer support!
We appreciate you taking the time to provide us with your feedback and comments. I sincerely apologize for the difficulties you’ve experienced.
If you have any further questions or concerns, please feel free to contact us.
Netflix Customer Service
WOW! Thanks NetLeech, you really went all out on that one. You have surely cleared a lot up for me. Well apparently my serious approach is not working. So I decided to mix things up a little bit and have some fun. Hey, Tim did say I was free to contact them. I decided to feed off their use of the word “Sincerely”.
You “sincerely apologize”?!?!?!?!?
Well golly gee gumdrops that changes everything. Where do I sign back up? I didn’t realize you were “Sincerely Apologetic” about screwing me over. How you must “Sincerely” roll around sleepless in bed at night, worrying about the customers. Maybe I should be apologizing to you. Maybe I missed that letter you sent me about your new “Sincerely screw over the customer policy”. Oh wait here is:
Dear livestock… errrrrrrrrrrrr Valued Customer,
We here at Netflix (Salute when you say that) would like to let you know that we “Sincerely” appreciate your loyal patronage and to show you how thankful we are… You have been singled out by us to start receiving sub-par service. As of this time we will start lying to you about the time it will take us to ship your movies and never send you your top choice. Your queue is now “Sincerely” worthless. But don’t fret… You will get all this sub-par service for the exact same price as a customer that gets good service. How can we do this you ask? Well you see, because you view 3 more movies a month than customer Joe Smith you are “Sincerely” taking money out of our mouths. Because of those three extra rentals our board member Thurston S. Moneyhouse will not be able to afford that extra pony for his little girl Mimsy. Also Mr. Bloodlust needs to update his 2005 BMW to a 2006 model. Let’s not forget the battleship … errrrrrrrrrrrr yacht we promised the executives. But remember, we are “Sincerely” remorseful for any difficulties you may have. See we said “SINCERELY” so it must be true.
In closing, keep sending us your money.
Thank you for your understanding.
Robert J. Screwthecustomer
(The J stands for “Sincerely”)
You do care, I’m (Sniff) touched. I would like to bake you a ham. Please let me know where I may send it.
(The L stands for Succulent Ham)
I received a carbon copy of the e-mail I got from them earlier, only with the word “sincerely” removed.