RSPV a wedding I’ll never go to

In case you are new to the site, I have been getting emails for another person that shares my name. Not sure who this guy is or where he lives, all I know is that for some reason he and I have the same Gmail address and from time to time I get emails that were meant for him. After receiving quite a few of them I decided to start responding. This is the latest.  

The impostor “me” has been invited to a very charming weddings, but I’m the one that has to respond to the invitation.

Subject: Wedding Matters

Friends,

D and I hope this email finds you well and in good spirits!  We are
writing to touch base regarding our upcoming wedding on May 24, 2008, and to
update you on a couple of things that are in the works.

weddings-bw.jpgFormal invitations, which have many of the details you’ll want to know
about, will go out by April 1st, so you should be getting those within the
next couple of weeks.  Regarding accommodations – we have contracted with
several hotels in San Francisco for special event rates.  However, in order
to take advantage of these rates, reservations need to be make within a
month of the event (i.e. the deadline is April 24, 2008 for most places).
Coincident with accommodations come travel plans, and with today’s uncertain
and frequent fluctuations in fuel prices and airline fares, planning ahead
is the way to go.  Thus we urge you to take advantage of the lower fares
which you’ll get further out from the dates that you would like to be in SF.
Finally, give some thought to the time you’ll be spending here and, if you
haven’t been to the Bay Area before or didn’t think you spent enough time
here the last time you came, think about all the awesome things this part of
the country has to offer and perhaps come and stay a few extra days!

If you haven’t already checked it out, our wedding website has a wealth of
information regarding all of the above, including recommendations for
activities, restaurants, and details regarding travel and accommodations, as
well as some other juicy tidbits http://www.mywedding.comXXXXXXXXXX

Please feel free to call or email with questions.  We welcome all inquiries
and very much look forward to seeing you all in the very near future!!  62
days to go!

D & A

Only 62 days!?!?!?!?!?. I have so much to do and I need to find a dress to wear!!! I need to know so much before I can show up. I had better ask a few questions.

Subject: So you finally got your sister to agree…

Dear Skeeter,

haltruck.jpgClem an I would be overjoyed to come to your marrying day in May.

However I do have some questions I need to ask so I know what clothes to wear and what ball-gag to bring.

1. At what time will the Monster Trucks be bringing the kegs of Pabst Blue Ribbon beer? You’ve got to be careful with those Pabst kegs, cheep beer can explode when shaken.

2. Why the heck are you only serving us Pabst beers you tight wad?

3. Are Hookers allowed on the grounds? In other words will you be having some there or is it up to us to bring them ourselves?

4. What color under-drawers are you wearing that day? Sorry to ask but Clem needs to know for the sacrifice ceremony. Splatter guards can be put up if you are wearing whitey-tighties.

5. Do you like pig anus fritters? Sally-May-Junebug-Jitterpop-Clementine could whip-up some anus fritters to bring if you want. Please give us a good weeks notice, this dish does take some time to prepare,  pig anus don’t be growing on no trees you know.

6. Will there be a public groping tent? Those are a hoot and I personally don’t think that any wedding or 8th birthday party should be held without a groping tent.

7. Do we need to keep our mentally disabled relatives on a leash? Or is it OK to let them just roam and relieve themselves wherever they see fit. If I has to keep an eye on mine, I just may leave her home with the dog.

What number comes after 7?

9. Will the Winne Dixie and the Jug hollering band be there? Those boys are really good. I love their tune, “I will be lovin my girl like she was my sister tonight”.

10. Do you have a sister… Besides the one you is marrying?

Can’t wait to see you then. Got to go and throw things at old people for a while.

Love and kisses

Ervin.

Boy Howdy I really hope it’s an outdoor wedding, I’d really like to wear that pink strapless number I have. I don’t know if you noticed but they left a web link to their wedding web page. Of course I altered it so you freaks could not go there and harass them. But I did go there and RSVP.

Take a look.

Click on photo for better look

 rsvp-jpg.jpg

I’m just waiting to hear back from the happy couple. 

9 thoughts on “RSPV a wedding I’ll never go to

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