The continuing horrible truths Nintendo does not what you to know

In his prime Mario was a Rock & Roll God!!!

But in recent years, due to slumping Wii U sales, he has really let himself go…

Curse you Xbox and Play Station for your superior game playing systems!!!!!

And now a word from our sponsor…

Resurrecting an empire is a lot of hard work. Since restarting the site I have only been able to get around 16 hours of sleep a day. Meaning, I’m running pretty ragged. I have spent my days cleaning offices, looking for working computers and fighting the rats for left over Twinkies.  Today was the first time I was able to leave the office for a good period of time. It ended up being a very productive day too. I was able to dart, trap and tag three midget hookers. I can now electronically follow their migration in hopes they will lead me to the heard, allowing me to replenish the ranks. I also got a lead on the whereabouts of The Count of Flanders. A toothless hobo, that smelled of urine and old tuna fish, who refuses to wear pants and thinks he has a talking penis on the back of his head named King Bartholomew III (and who is now our CFO), told me he had heard that The Count was spending his days in a Turkish Prison. Not that he got arrested mind you… The Count just checks in now and then, because he likes that life style.

One of the other big wins I had for today was successfully acquiring advertising for the site. I know, I know… Ads on sites are a sign of selling out.  But in today’s market, it is a necessary evil. Plus midget hooker trail mix isn’t free you know. You have to get them hay to lay in and I had to spend some serious money to hire mercenaries to go in and wrestle salt licks away from the Kardashian’s. Man they fought hard to keep those, especially Khloe.

I even had to whore myself and the site out for a couple of the ads… But that’s me… dedicated, driven, success minded….. chronic masterbator.

Well anywho…..

Here are some really great ads on products I”m sure you cannot live without.

We’re Away…

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Hot Lard has passed the 100K mark!

On behalf of the entire Hot Lard staff, we would like to thank all 4 or our readers for getting us over 100,000 hits.

Microsoft Patches MAJOR FLAW

It’s about time this gets resolved … I’m sick and tired of my PC not waking up after hibernation.  Why do I configure it to hibernate?  Well, when your machine is as powerful as mine, then you need to conserve energy when it’s not being used.

Review the SYMPTOMS bullet items.

It’s great that Microsoft finally expended some resources to get this resolved before securing their flawed operating systems.

Source: www.istartedsomething.com

Jean-Claude Van Damme vs Windows

Don’t mess with Van Damme, Windows.  You will pay.

Microsoft Technical Support

Mujibar was trying to get a job in India.

The Personnel Manager said, “Mujibar, you have passed all the tests, except one.  Unless you pass it, you cannot qualify for this job.”

Mujibar said, “I am ready.”

The manager said, “Make a sentence using the words Yellow, Pink and Green.”

Mujibar thought for a few minutes and said, “Mister manager, I am ready.”

The manager said, “Go ahead.”

Mujibar said, “The telephone goes green, green, and I pink it up, and say, ‘Yellow, this is Mujibar.'”

Mujibar now works at a Microsoft Technical Help Center.

No doubt you have spoken to him.  I know I have.

I thought about categorizing this as under jokes, but the joke isn’t funny anymore.

Installing iTunes

You tell me what is wrong with this picture, as I fail to see how the two applications are remotely connected:

Is there some fancy feature where I can listen to my MP3s using Outlook 2003 that I am not aware of?

Sure, go ahead and blast me for not realizing that I could sync my Outlook calendar to my iPod.  Oh wait, maybe I should buy an iPod.  And, if I had one maybe I would have it connected via USB that would actually force the error you see above.

Better yet, why the fuck does Apple insist on installing iTunesHelper.exe and iPodService.exe when I have NEVER connected an iPod to my computer?

Apple, if you’re listening (and I know Steve Jobs is a huge fan of Hot Lard) … where are the options in the iTunesSetup.exe where I can deselect iPod connectivity?  I simply cannot spare any more resources of my 3.49 GB of RAM to allow you to install two services that never actually are used.

God, I hate the way Apple is cranking out their shitty iTunes software.  It is about high-time I uninstall this garbage.  See Maddox for more information.

Toshiba Gives Blu-ray a Blow-job

In light of the recent news, some readers might want to bow your heads in silence and remember…

Internet Explorer 7 Sucks

What ever happen to a browser behaving like it’s supposed to?

Don’t you hate it when your Internet Options are configured as:

And when you start IE7, you’re presented with this:

As you can clearly see, the stupid-ass Windows page IS NOT my Home page, as it has been previously instructed so in the top screenshot.  I know it works sometimes because I will click the Home page icon and go to my Personalized Google page!

Come on Microsoft, this is your 7th attempt at making a internet browser that doesn’t suck.   I guess this is one of MANY reasons why you’ve single-handedly driven users to alternatives.