We have the Jessica Alba shower video!

Wait for it!

Mr. Positive 01/31/2010

Mr. Positive says, “When all else fails, you can always cheat”.

Demotivational Posters – Running is Dumb

Running sucks…

It’s just dumb! Why the fuck run when you can walk or drive and get where you are going and not be out of breath.

Here’s few reasons why running is so dumb.

Demotivational Poster – Nightmares

Sometimes I will see a photo and say to myself, “Self, this is a demotivational poster.” I knew the second that I looked at this picture I was going to be wetting my bed tonight from the nightmare that it would bring… Ok, I guess I pretty much wet the bed all the time for no apparent reason… other than I like the feeling…. And smell…. But that is a story for another time.

Refinance Fail?

You tell me; are you going to refinance after seeing this guy’s sweet-ass mug?

Plans for New Years Eve?

So, it’s about time to starting drinking.  If you haven’t stopped by the liquor store to pick up your stash, you had better run because the pickings are sure to be slim.

So, what’s everyone doing this year?

Are you going over to Uncle Ted’s house for a night of Pitch and watching Carson “Tool” Daly present Adam Lambert to a crowd of horny hetrosexuals in Times Square?

Or, are you going to the bar to try to score with similarly-desperate female by using the pickup line, “Hey, wanna hunt for bear?”.  Which, by the way, I’m told works quite well because chics don’t expect such a crazy line like that.

Or, are you going to be trying to do doing this?

I hope everyone reading has a safe, yet fun (shown above) New Years Eve!!

Mr. Positive 12/29/2009

Mr. Positive says, “The holidays are a really good time to show your family and friends that you have better stuff than they do”.

Another Round of Christmas Cards

Christmas is a mere few days away, so we wanted to shove a couple more Christmas cards in your face.

If you’re Jewish, just imagine the words are different.

Happy Hanukkah and Merry Christmas!!

Christmas cards and wishes to make anyones heart sing with joy.

Please take this card as a token of our appreciation to you… Our wonderful readers… this Christmas holiday.

Yeah, I know, it is pretty much a piece of shit. I believe it took our art depart all of thirty seconds to slap the damn thing together and post it… I really hate those bastards and would like to see them all fired… or taste their own blood. But hey, what can one do? It’s hard to find an art department that will agree to wear full-body leather suits and ball-gags at work.

Beings this card sucks so much, I’ve decided to have the illegitimate children of our staff come up with their own sweet little Christmas cards for our readers. You can see them below.

Or if you like, you can view last years Christmas special here, http://hotlard.wordpress.com/2008/12/12/demotivational-posters-christmas-special/ because we are too cheep to do a new one this year.

Happy Christmas to you all…. Except you, yes you, you know who I’m talking about.

Ervin Shlopnick.

Managing Director of Smell My Finger and Tape Worm

I like Pie

I like pie