Another Round of Christmas Cards

Christmas is a mere few days away, so we wanted to shove a couple more Christmas cards in your face.

If you’re Jewish, just imagine the words are different.

Happy Hanukkah and Merry Christmas!!

Christmas cards and wishes to make anyones heart sing with joy.

Please take this card as a token of our appreciation to you… Our wonderful readers… this Christmas holiday.

Yeah, I know, it is pretty much a piece of shit. I believe it took our art depart all of thirty seconds to slap the damn thing together and post it… I really hate those bastards and would like to see them all fired… or taste their own blood. But hey, what can one do? It’s hard to find an art department that will agree to wear full-body leather suits and ball-gags at work.

Beings this card sucks so much, I’ve decided to have the illegitimate children of our staff come up with their own sweet little Christmas cards for our readers. You can see them below.

Or if you like, you can view last years Christmas special here, http://hotlard.wordpress.com/2008/12/12/demotivational-posters-christmas-special/ because we are too cheep to do a new one this year.

Happy Christmas to you all…. Except you, yes you, you know who I’m talking about.

Ervin Shlopnick.

Managing Director of Smell My Finger and Tape Worm

I like Pie

I like pie

Mr. Positive – Sharing Your Thanksgiving Meal

Mr. Positive says…

“After this years big Thanksgiving meal. Throw up on a homeless family. They could really use the food”.

Happy Thanksgiving… Now get out of the way or I’ll cut you bitch!!!

On behalf of all of us at Hot lard…

And the three midgets who like to touch themselves that we keep locked up in the basement.

We’d like to wish you all a very happy Easter. You know it’s this time of year we should….

Huh????

What???

It’s what???

Thanksgiving????????

WHY THE FUCK DON’T YOU PEOPLE TELL ME THESE THINGS!?!?!?!?!?!?

God Dammit! That completely changes everything I need to do now!

I need to get a bathtub of whip cream for the Hooker wrestling tournament. I’ll bet there isn’t one single virgin in the office to sacrifice,  and who the fuck is going to hand out the Thanksgiving colostomy bags-o-fun this year?!?!?!?!? And I suppose nobody has gone out a clubbed a baby seal for the meal!

Fuck!

FUCK!

Well anywho, Please enjoy this time you will have with your family. And only think about how nice it would be to kill them all. Taking action on those thoughts can get messy and is very hard to conceal…. So I’ve been told.

Happy  Thanksgiving

Blonde Joke of the Day – Corn Maze

Not much to write here… fairly self-explanatory.

Hot Lard joins PETA to speak out about the slaughter of baby seals

It’s time to show Canada, they can’t fuck with PETA and Hot Lard!!!!

(Click on poster for a better look)

Rio gets the Olympics, Obama fails…Again!

So after spending millions of dollars of the tax payers money to fly his Commander and Chieflyness, her first lady likeness and the Oprah-nator to some third-world shit-hole so they could  suck up to the IOC to get the Olympics (YAWN!) in Chicago…. It goes to Rio.

That was money well spent.  We didn’t even finish in the top two spots!!! Hell, they could have sent me, a sex starved midget with genital warts, and a one legged Asian hooker with turrets and we could have gotten the same results for a lot less money.

On second thought, from what I know of the IOC, my group may have won the bid.

What was the deciding factor that lost is for us???  Oprah wouldn’t give the chairman of the IOC anal. Dammit Oprah… Take one for the team!!!!

Who the fuck forgot to bring the Pepperidge Farm Cookies, the Wesson oil, and child prostitute for the IOC board?!?!?!?!?!?

Ahhhhhhhhhh….. it’s OK, nobody in this country really gives a rats ass about the Olympics anyway… They’re about as gay as Soccer… About.

Iowa Hawkeye Demotivation

We are still in prison…errrrrrrrrrrrrr I mean on vacation.

But after the bitch slap the Iowa Hawkeyes laid on the Penn State …. Ummmm, they’re called the Silly Little Bitches aren’t they???

Well any-who, I had to create a couple of posters to mark this great victory.

GO HAWKS!

Demotivation while we are away.

Here are a few demotivational posters I had lying around. Figured I’d post them so you all had something to look at while we were away.

Why are we away you ask….

Prison.