What you need to know about the Economic Stimulus Package

piggy-bank1This year, taxpayers will receive an Economic Stimulus Payment. This is a very exciting new program that I will explain using the Q and A format:

“Q.. What is an Economic Stimulus Payment? ”
A. It is money that the federal government will send to taxpayers.

“Q. Where will the government get this money? ”
A. From taxpayers.

“Q. So the government is giving me back my own money? ”
A. Only a smidgen.

“Q. What is the purpose of this payment? ”
A.. The plan is that you will use the money to purchase a high-definition TV set, thus stimulating the economy.

“Q.. But isn’t that stimulating the economy of  China ? ”
A. Shut up..”

Below is some helpful advice on how to best help the  US economy by spending your stimulus check wisely:

If you spend that money at Wal-Mart, all the money will go to  China .

If you spend it on gasoline, it will go to the Arabs.

If you purchase a computer, it will go to  India .

If you purchase fruit and vegetables, it will go to  Mexico ,  Honduras , and  Guatemala (unless you buy organic).

If you buy a car, it will go to  Japan .

If you purchase useless crap, it will go to  Taiwan .

And none of it will help the American economy.

We need to keep that money here in  America . You can keep the money in America by spending it at yard sales, going to a baseball game, or spend it on prostitutes, beer (domestic ONLY), or tattoos, since those are the only businesses still in the US.

One thought on “What you need to know about the Economic Stimulus Package

  1. You forgot to mention that the stimulus package is taking money from taxes paid by a minority of Americans, and distributing it out to the majority of Americans that don’t pay taxes.

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