One Last Email – Expert Advise

I know I said I was done… and I am. I mean it!!

But we received an email from a fan that I just could not let go unanswered. So this is now my final post for Hot Lard… It is… Really… I mean it… I’m done after this… STOP LOOKING AT ME THAT WAY!!!!

Letter from a fan:


I’d appreciate if you can give me some feedback on our site: and our item hanging bubble chair.

I realize that you are home decor-modern design connoisseur πŸ™‚ I’d like to hear your opinion/feedback on our products. Also, it’d be swell if you can place our link on your blog.

Thank you,


I always knew this site was about modern design and now here is my chance to prove it.


My name is Ervin Shlopnick, I’m the managing director, of things that need management and direction for Hot Lard Inc. I’d like to say thank you for your email; home dΓ©cor & modern design are two of the most important things in my life. Right after cow tipping, colostomy bags, rubber pants, adult diapers, septic tank skinny dipping, and fart lighting contests.

I checked out your site and I do have a few comments for you. First you need some naked clowns. Nothing says buy my crap better than a naked clown staring you in the face. That is how we sold over 2 million units of our product, “Why I Like to Touch Mommy Down There, Lubricant”. Next, you could use a blood splatter back ground and maybe a woman screaming.

As far as your products, I’m not really seeing anything I could use for my 16 monkeys. Do you have a monkey section on your site that I did not find? How easily can one clean feces from your products. Those darn monkey sure do love throwing their feces around. I guess it is partially my fault; I’m usually the one who starts the feces fight with them. Also do you have any chairs that would prevent your victim.. errr I mean “date” from escaping before you have finished? Other than that I think you stuff is pretty much crap.

Thanks again for the email, I’ll be posting your link right between the barn yard porn and NAMBLA ads.

Regards and sweet, sweet kisses

Ervin Shlopnick

I wonder what Sean has to think of my “Win Win” ideas. But You’ll never know, because this is my last post. (BUH WAH HA HA HA)

4 thoughts on “One Last Email – Expert Advise

  1. I like the “ball chair” they advertise, but I have two balls. I don’t really have enough money to buy two chairs though.
    A “balling chair” would be better.

    Good to see you received a last minute pardon; or was there a power outage?

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