An Open Letter to the Green Bay Packers

Dear Green Bay Packers,

I’d like to talk with you about the offer you have given to Brett Favre… The 20 million dollars to not play the game of football ever again.  I believe this may be a waste of money on your part and have what I think is a win-win solution.

I think you should give the money to me and here is why. You see Brett Favre is a sports legend. Possibly one of the greatest to ever play position, the man is well loved by fans and players throughout the country.  I on the other hand suck at the sport and am pretty much hated by everyone that knows me, plus a lot of people that don’t know me and a few barnyard animals to boot.

Bret Favre holds most of the passing records in the NFL; I can barley hold my lunch. Bret Favre is a leader of men; I cry and wet my pants when the neighbor’s poodle barks at me.
Bret Favre is a family man and a good roll model for kids. Megan’s law states I am not allowed within 50 yards of a child.
So you see it makes much more sense to pay someone like me 20 million dollars to never show up for a game, than it would a living legend.

Please let me know your answer as soon as possible; I could really use the money for lawyers and bail.

Thank you

Ervin Shlopnick.

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