Ervin Shlopnicks Quick Movie Review – No Country for Old Men

full_movieimage_12526.jpgBeings I’m a father of two and hold down a full time job. I do not get many chances to go to the theater to watch a movie. And in this day of $9.50 ticket prices, it’s very hard for me to shell out that kind of money and take a chance on a movie really sucking.

 So this movie review is about one that I waited for to come out on DVD. That way I’m only spending $4.00, plus I’m able to stop the movie when I want to go for a bathroom break or shoot heroin. Both of which I need to do at least three times during an average length movie.

 The movie I am reviewing this time out is the Oscar winner for best picture of 2007, “No Country for Old Men”. I figured that I really could not go wrong laying my $4.00 down on an Oscar winner (and for best movie to boot). Boy howdy was I wrong about that. Now before I get started let me tell you that I did like the movie, in about the same way I like being able to get to a toilet in time when my bowels start to rumble after a double beef an been burrito. I’m not really happy about the whole situation, but I am glad I did not shit myself.

 I don’t think that I have ever seen a movie that had as much killing as this one did, but was as slow it was. Here’s an example what I mean:

 Bad Guy: Talk Talk Talk Talk

 Victim: Talk Talk Talk Talk

 Bad Guy: Talk Talk Talk Talk

 Victim: Talk Talk Talk Talk

 Bad Guy: Talk Talk Talk Talk

 Victim: Talk Talk Talk Talk

 Bad Guy: Talk Talk Talk Talk … Bang, you’re dead.

 Bad Guy walks away and we move to sheriff eating his lunch. I think that happened about eight times during the movie. Hell the biggest shootout of the movie we missed. All we get to see if the aftermath. AND WHAT THE FUCK WAS TOMMY LEE JONES’S WHOLE DREAM COVERSATION ABOUT?!?!?! Could someone fucking explain that to me.

 If this was the best that Hollywood had to offer for 2007. Then this year really sucked for movies. Also I’m pissed that I spent $4.00 for this turd, when I could have waited till it came on cable and then would have only had the 2 hours of my life that was lost watching it to bitch about.

 My suggestion, rent barnyard porn. You always know what you’re going to get and the action is a lot better. Plus no dream conversation scenes.

2 thoughts on “Ervin Shlopnicks Quick Movie Review – No Country for Old Men

  1. I’m afraid I must offer up a bit of a rebuttal – So you want less dialogue and more mindless gun battles ? Should we throw Steven Segal in the mix or perhaps Dolph Lundgren ?

    Don’t get me wrong, there is a place for those movies too if they’re well done (the rent one get one free bin), but you won’t see any of them winning any awards. The closest thing you’ll get to a violent award winner will also contain heavy plot and dialogue … probably themes and character development also (Saving Private Ryan?). The closest thing you’ll get to getting away from these things is ‘Gladiator’.

    The dream conversation to me was sort of putting the finishing touches on the conversation Tommy Lee Jones had with the old wheelchair-bound friend. It also accentuated the themes of the movie.

    The fact that we missed the shootout makes sense (I assume that this is the scene you are talking about). Moss walking up on the aftermath was a central point of the whole movie. We were kind of put in his shoes – left to figure things out as he was figuring them out. I really liked how the movie had long stretches of silence where we just observed what the characters were doing and we could piece together what was happening in their mind ourselves.

    In my opinion, not only was this the best that Hollywood had to offer in 2007, but one of the best that Hollywood has had to offer ever.

    Also, if you don’t enjoy that huge crap after a double beef and bean burrito … then I just don’t know what to tell you.

    PS – I’d recommend you check out ‘Doomsday’ which is in theaters right now – it’s right up your alley.

  2. You are voting for Barack Obama aren’t you?

    Let me get this straight, what we need is a “Kinder Gentler” psychopathic assassin movie that depicts how violent the country has gotten? Couldn’t they have just done a book on tape for that and saved a lot of us the trouble.

    I miss the days when John McClane could used the “F” word in every other sentence and follow it up with a 10 minute shooting spree that only kills the bad guys. I miss dialog in movies such as this:

    California Governor: Remember when I said I would kill you last?

    Crying upside-down guy who is pissing himself: Yes, you did!!!

    California Governor: I lied

    Crying upside-down guy who is pissing himself: AAAAAAAAAAAAH

    Black/Hispanic chick that was considered hot in the 80’s: What happened to Sully?

    California Governor: I let him go.

    Now that was great movie making. I guess the country has slid so far to the left now that the best we can ask for are touchy feely, feel-good movies that hold our hands and covers our eyes and whisper sweet nothings in our ear when the bad guy is near to keep us from getting too scared. (Sigh)

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