If you’re thinking of adopting a child but are afraid that they may not be well-mannered, try this:
Before bringing the child to your home, put 3 to 4 wooden crosses in your back yard. Construct some little plaques with names engraved on them (e.g. Billy, Mandy, and Clem) to hang on the crosses. Then, dig a hole and place a cross in front of it with no name. When the child arrives, walk them out back and explain that these are the crosses of the “Naughty Children”. The hole is for the next naughty child.
For a good laugh when they act up, scream “get your ass out back NOW!”. Then take them out and make them lie down in the vacant hole. Tell the child you’re going to get your shovel and instruct them to to wait down in the hole.
Then go inside to watch some football.
Boy-howdy, will you and your child have a good laugh about that in 20 years!