My Thoughts by Ervin Shlopnick (Thanksgiving Meal)

As I set in my chair completely stuffed with turkey, ham, mashed potatoes, yams, stuffing, pumpkin pie and many more wonderful things that were set on the table. I started to think to myself; this meal that I just gorged myself with today may be more food than some people get to eat in a week. Why should I get to set here in a chair feeling miserable from all the food I ate, while others are out there are just trying to get by.  Not knowing where their next meal will come from, or if they will make it to the next day. Maybe I should do something for these people. Maybe I should get out of this chair, button up my pants and walk down to the nearest homeless shelter and see what I can do and who I can help. It is time that I give back to the less fortunate and for once help them to see how grand life really can be.

But first I need to take a major dump. You know the kind I’m talking about. One that will clog any normal sized toilet and kill any small animals or children that may be trapped in the room.  This will be an “A-1” first class Thanksgiving dump with all the trimming. When I’m done there will be no wall paper on the walls, the city pipes will burst and I may not have any bones left in my body. It will be decades before they will be able to use this restroom again.

After that I may have myself another “small” piece of pie… And maybe a little turkey, and ham, some stuffing with gravy….. Could do some yams and sweet potatoes along with some green beans and corn…. That turkey leg bone the dog is gnawing on looks pretty good too.  What’s this in my pocket? A check made out to “Starving Kids” in Cambodia????  When did I fill this out??? More importantly what the fuck was I thinking? I have my Skin-a-max bill to pay, can’t live without my soft core porn you know.

Ahhhhhhhhhhh, what a good day, maybe I’ll take a nap and then poop some more.

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