blstern writes LIONSGATE about the movie “Bug”

Below is an Email I have sent to LIONSGATE films studio’s investment department on a film of theirs I had the misfortune of watching. If any of you out there are thinking of renting the movie “Bug”, don’t do it!!! This movie is not what it is advertise to be, of course how can you correctly advertise a movie about a crack head and a Slingblade wannabe having snuff film sex and there is not one single thing in the movie that the title leads you to believe there is.

After viewing this abortion, I was so pissed off about the time I had lost that I was compelled to sit down and write LIONSGATE and demand my life back.

 

 

Dear LIONSGATE films,

I would like to talk to someone about a return of my investment.

Normally I am eager to view a LIONSGATE film; you have created a nice little collection of movies. I am extremely fond of the horror collection you have built up. Usually I get my horror lust fulfilled by one of your low budget but not low on quality of story and shriek value films. A sign of a good studio is one that can come up will a good movie and not have to spend $100 million dollars to do so. Or in the case of your “Saw” series come out with a continuation of a story every year and it is more than just the masked guy severing a head at a 68 degree angle rather than the 60 degree angle he did in the last movie. For that I applaud you.

But now we come to the movie “Bug”. I remember seeing previews for this movie some time back and thinking to myself, “Self, this could be a good one to watch on DVD”. Sorry, the previews did make it look interesting, but I’m a father of two and I do not get to go the theater that much. Especially for horror flix, so I normally have to wait for the DVD release. As I was walking through my local Hollywood Video store the other night I noticed the box for “Bug” and remembered how good this looked on the previews. I was in the mood for a good horror flick so decide to pay out $3.58 to be able to have this movie in my life for the next five days.

That night I did my normal fatherly routine and at around 9:45 pm all the kids were in bed and I could settle down to enjoy your product. Or so I though….

Here’s my problem, your previews, commercials, and DVD box for this movie all give the potential viewer the idea that this movie is a horror film. But as I learned about 45 minutes into this assault on my senses, was that this film was a romantic tragedy. I was so confused by the first three quarters of an hour of this movie that I actually removed the DVD from the player to make sure it was the right one. Unfortunately it appeared to be so. I was expecting a bug horror flick and what I got was a Crack Whore meets Slingblade romance.

Evidence of my misunderstanding:

Tag Line for movie: First they send in their drone… then they find their queen. The true meaning of this was found out in the last 2 minutes of the movie and all it accomplished was to say “Hey you just wasted 96 minutes of your life to learn what this means”.

 

Plot Outline: An unhinged war veteran holes up with a lonely woman in a spooky Oklahoma motel room. The line between reality and delusion is blurred as they discover a bug infestation The only bug in this movie was the one up my ass for spending 96 minutes of my life on this piece of garbage. And the only thing that was spooky about this motel room was how bad Ashley Judd looked. Man she was 50 mile of bad road. Seriously, there were no bugs in this movie… At All! We get to see the pretend bugs, which slowly and boringly leads us down a very confusing path that finally shows us there are no bugs at all. These are just the delusions to two high school drop-out crack heads…. Who fall in love…. And have very scary sex.

This leads me to my next disturbing point…


The one true horror that was in this movie was the love scene between Crack Whore Agnes and Rain-man Peter. My god if I had wanted to watch two drug addicts getting it on, I would have driven down to the local methadone clinic. I don’t know if snuff films really exist, but if they do I’m sure that is what they must look like. I feel dirty, I need a shower…. Oh and so did they. Was the budget on this film so small that you could not afford the person to remind Ashley that she needed to was her hair?

On to my demands…

What I would like is a return of my investment. Not for the $3.58 that I laid down for this turd, but for the hour and thirty six minutes of my life I wasted on this film. How can I get this time back? What measures do you have in place to refund a portion of one existence that was stolen by false advertising? Please let me know what you will do to help me fill in this void that once was an hour and thirty six minutes of a relatively happy life. For that matter I would also like to have terrible things be done to the actors of this film. My guess is that they knew all a long what evil and horrible lie they were portraying on the American public. If I may make a suggestion: You could make them all act with Ben Affleck or Gene Garofalo in their next five movies.

If the investment department is not the correct place I need to go through to get my missing portion of life back. Please let me know who I need to contact.

I await your response.

Thank you,

Blstern

 

The L stand for Truth in Advertising

 

Just sent this out today. Will update as soon as I hear back from LIONSGATE.

Update 11/09/2007

Have not heard back from LIONSGATE, so I sent my email to them again. I also contacted the Author of an Ashley Judd blog to see if she could help me.

Kadeliah,

I was hoping you could help me. I just watched the movie “Bug” with Ashley Judd and was so disappointed that I’m trying to get LIONSGATE to refund me the 96 minutes of my life I lost. Beings you’re such good friends with Ashley Judd, maybe you could get her to forward it to them. They don’t seem to want to respond to my emails.

Thanks,

blstern

 

Will  let you all know if anyone responds.  

One thought on “blstern writes LIONSGATE about the movie “Bug”

  1. As I had read a review of the movie which incuded audience comments which were very negative I did not watch the movie.I agree with you that the box is very misleading. If Lions Gate Films continues the misleading marketing of trash their customers will avoid their films, I know I am.

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