blstern impostor e-mail – Volume #1 “Artsy Fartsy”

News Alert!

There appears to be another blstern in this world. How do I know you ask? Because I have been getting his e-mail.

Some time back I started receiving e-mails in my Gmail inbox, that at first glance had the appearance of being SPAM. But then one day after a very strenuous masturbation session, I was way to tired to push the delete button on one of these e-mails so I decided to read it. What I found is that there is some other guy out there posing as blstern and using my Gmail address.

How can this happen?

What kind of person would do this?

Have I lost my identity?

Can one really lite their own farts?

I needed to nip this in the bud right now! There is only one blstern and I am he… or I am him…. He is me?….. I is him there for I…. Screw it you know what I mean.

I had to respond to the next e-mail and let them know the truth.

Ummmmm, So I did…

Subject: I must resign

Dear Blstern:

I have just accepted a commission to curate, write and produced a huge
photography exhibition and book. This project is comparable to my Pulitzer
exhibition but more complicated. It will occupy all of my time for the next
18 months. Given this challenge, I’m obliged to free myself from other
commitments. Therefore, I’m resigning from the Special Events Committee, as of now.

If you wish, I will be available to present a slide show of the Pulitzer
photographs, because the program exists. I just have to know when. However,
I cannot develop “Damon Runyon’s Broadway” at this time. It is a piece that
interests me enormously so I will definitely pursue it in the future. If the
committee is still interested, at that time, I will be pleased to present it
to the Club members.

Thank you for your support and interest in my work.




I had to let this artsy fartsy person know that this blstern she was writing to was not me! But I had to break it to her as gentile as possible. Remember “C” was expecting a reply from the other blstern; someone she thought took the stupid shit in her e-mail as seriously as she did. I had to use every diplomatic bone in my body to give the proper reply.

Dear Clumpy,

I would be honored to be your replacement. I have always wanted to work with small rodents. The pesticide and small animal ratification field has always been near and dear to my heart. Just the other day I was yelling at my son, “Gippy! I said. “Gippy, git on to stompin that rats head right into the ground”! Of course Gippy mistook “Rat” for “Left Fender” and “Stompin” for “20 gauge shot gun” and plum shot a bunch of holes in my brand new Gremlin. I swear if I wasn’t down to my last clean muscle shirt, I would have been splattering some blood on it. But enough about me, let’s get to know you a little better. When can I come over for some food and talk to you straight to your face. Please fix something with bananas.

Love and kisses



I can see by her reply that she was a little stunned to discover this truth.



I’m sure the message below was not meant for me.

OK, I had to help this frail little person in her time a need.

I can talk to clouds…

Can I spend the night?



One person lead to the truth… but as you will see, there were many many more that needed my help in discovering the truth. I will post my other discovery e-mails as time (and masturbation) permits.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s