blstern… Art Dealer

I must admit that I have never considered the world of art as a way to make extra money. But this e-mail may have changed my mind.

Subject: Temporary job for you!!


I hope this email meets you in good condition of health, but I feel quite safe dealing with Americans I have a vacancy in my company. As I am just setting up in the USA I will be requiring Rep to work on a part time basis. I sell Arts all over the world, have sold to galleries and to private collectors, I am always facing serious difficulties selling my art works to Americans, they are always offering to pay with either Money orders/cashiers check, which is difficult for me to cash here in United Kingdom. I just need some one that could help me, this position will not take up your time nor will you have to use your own resources for the position. The job does not entail anything stress full, you can do this while you still continue with your full time job or school. All you need is to devote about 5 hours of your time in a week in a given period of time. The payment will be sent to you via regular mail or FedEx. When you get this payment which are for my Art Works, you will cash it at your bank, deduct 10% of the money for your effort and have the rest wired to me via western Union or money gram. Also you need to have a BANK ACCOUNT where cheque,s can be cleared and most important you need to be HONEST with me, my painting starts from $2800USD and above and this contract will last for about 6 months till am fully established in the USA. Kindly let me know if you will be interested in the Job Offer, all replies should be emailed to : Regards JAMES DOUGLAS 12 COW BRIDGE LANE BARKING, IG11 8LQ ESSEX, UNITED KINGDOM (+44) 770-432-0302

Boy Howdy, that was really easy to read…. Anyone with writing that bad has to be a legit artist.


Subject: Temporary job for you!! I’m your man!!!!

Dear Savage,

I am not that familiar with art. Does that make any difference? Plus I have webbed feet. Will there be much face to face interaction? I don’t really like to brush my teeth.

Harry S. Crotum


Ummmmmmmmm, OK so he replied. They must really need people.



Thank you for your reply.

I am most grateful for your email, and I seize this opportunity to thank you for coming to my rescue and to also let you know that this transaction is a straight forward and legal transaction. I hope you were not too embarrassed by my first email, since you do not know who i am. I had no option so I resorted to putting fate to test and making a random contacts. I got your email address from the internet email web directory. I am based in Kent here in United Kingdom, below is my address and has time goes on you will get to know more about me, my work and family.

I am communicating with only you at this moment with regards to this transaction, I have had diff erent transactions with many Americans and i believe they are very honest.I look forward to a very trustworthy relationship.

I will like to start with getting the below informations, as soon as i get this business can commence.



(+44) 770-432-0322

I don’t think he addressed my art knowledge concerns…

Dear James the artist.

I’m still a little leery about this offer. It sounds good and I surely could use the money, but I’m still afraid that my lack of art knowledge may hamper my performance somewhat. I’m am no art critic and have no idea what makes good art or a piece of crud so bad my dog would not take a dump on it. Which is pretty bad because my poodle “Bloodfang” will pretty much crap on anything. Hell I’ve woken up in the middle of the night to find her trying to deliver a mud puppy on my forehead. Boy howdy, I can tell you that the blood splattered on the walls from me throwing her could be confused for art. Do you like poodle steaks? Or is dog meat too expensive in your country?

The one big reason I am so uncertain about this is that, for an artist to try and sell me his art over the Internet makes me think that your work may stinks worse than a hooker’s underpants in July? Have you ever smelled a hooker’s undies in July? Golly Gumption; let me tell you, your work would have to be pretty awful or you would have to be a total retard to spew out something that bad. Speaking of tards, you’re not one of those are you? I noticed in your e-mails that your wording is pretty poor, which could lead someone to believe that you’re either Nigerian or retarded. (And from what I hear they are pretty much the same). So please let me know right away if you are either or both. I’m sorry but I’m not wasting my time with any retarded Nigerian art dealers. That is just asking for trouble.

Maybe, if I could see some of your work I may feel better about this deal. Can you send me a few pictures in your next e-mail so I may judge your work? Even though I may not be an expert on the subject, if I see that your art consist of nothing else that pop cycle sticks, smiley faces, human teeth and dog doo, I’ll know that you are a retarded Nigerian. I’ll take my leave of you and this deal to let you get on with your life of mud hut construction and beheading small animals as a cry for love.

If I may impose on you?

I would also like to get your advice; my daughter does some pretty dandy finger painting. I would like you to look at a picture of hers and let me know if she has a future in the field. Please see that attached photo.

Thanks again,

Harry S. Crotum


This is the picture I sent.


Still waiting to hear back.

2 thoughts on “blstern… Art Dealer

  1. It’s a scam, straight up. But you’ve obviously figured that out. I got the exact same email from “John Haro” at the same street address. What a bunch of crap…….

  2. “I am communicating with only you at this moment with regards to this transaction” dats interesting cuz he is communicating with me 2 🙂

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