Britney Spears is awful

Seriously, what is wrong with you? Why can’t you stay home with your kids and be a real mother? K-Fed is acting more like a normal parent, and that’s saying a lot.

There is already a ton of news available out there, so we won’t go into too much on previously reporting information. However, here is an open letter to Ms. Spears.

Dear Blow-bag,

I saw your performance on the VMAs the other night and I was shocked at the level of droopiness of my woodrow. I think you have become the new catchphrase “ROSANNE BARR NAKED!” Do you have any idea how nasty you’ve become? Are you too poor to afford a mirror? Did your dancing coach quit? Are the 4 packs of Marlboro Lights a day catching up to you? Did you polish-off a bottle of Mad Dog 20/20 last night and not throw up?

I remember back in the good old days when you were 16 years old, talkin’ about how you did it again. My … how times have changed. First, you divorce your mother and move to craptacular Los Angeles, CA. I guess that wasn’t all that bad, from my perspective. Hell, I didn’t even give two squirts about your trailer-park ass. I was too busy listening to real music, like KoRn, Pantera, and Billy Joel.

Something happens to people who become celebrities. It must be drugs, or in your case, the lack of meth that caused your downward spiral. Perhaps your biggest mistake was not posing in Playboy when you had your chance. Instead, you decided whore yourself out to the lowest bidder <cough>K-fed<cough>.  In your failed-attempt to resurrect your career, you bombed the other night.  I guess that’s what happens when you shoot-up before a performance live studio audience.

By the way, please don’t even try to call up Huge Heffner and beg to be in his magazine.  We’ve already seen the snatch, and frankly … I’m still recovering from the after effects of blowin’ chow for 3 weeks.

Uh-oh, just thinking about that makes me taste a hint of bile working its way up my throat.  I gotta go.

If you’re interested in the fantastic performance by Britney, here’s the video:

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