News Flash: Natalie Portman Hates the USA, still hot

Celebrities, like Natalie Portman Hershlag, certainly know how to run the United States of America and they’re all experts at Foreign Policy.  This t-shirt pisses me off.

The United States of America (and our allies) do not start wars without a reason.  Fuck with us, you die.  Fuck with our interests, you die.  Pretty fucking simple.  Don’t attack us and we’ll make the world safe for everyone else.

Oh, you don’t like our rule of the planet?  Why don’t you try bombing something we care deeply about and we’ll fix you right up … straight to hell.  BTW, don’t do this.

Don’t like law and order?  Your civilization will crumble without it.  Go ahead and try to start your government in some fucked-up country in the Middle East.  See how many allies you get.

Oh, so you hate the United States of America (the country that gave you EVERYTHING)?  Get the fuck out and shut your whiny, bitchy mouth and go live in France with Johnny Depp.  Good luck in the movie business over there because all they film is women getting raped and getting their ass pummeled.  Oh wait, that’s Germany.  Yeah, go there too.

So, do you want to make ammends now Natalie?  How about you treat us to a Léon sequel.  I’ve got a few ideas for the movie that would revive your failing career:

  • Blow stuff up
  • Get naked
  • Blow stuff up while naked

I think that pretty-much sums up the gist of the plot.  The box office will crumble to the ground under the ginormous weight of all the cash it will bring.

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