Today was like any other day of work in the operating room. You end up getting used to removing nails from peoples skulls, suppositories from peoples ears and nasal passages, and the occasional gunshot victims. However; today I saw something absolutely gut wrenching. One of my fellow colleagues came in almost bleeding out from multiple gun shot wounds. His name was Dr. Filmore X. Peabody, this is what his sorry carcass looked like when it came to me:
Let me tell you a bit about Dr. Peabody, he was an active member of the Christians will Irradicate the Heathens and Jews, Church of Jebus. He sponsored many charities, gave most of his money to dying children (a waste I know). And always got home late because he was constantly helping old people across the street so they wouldn’t get hurt (raising your taxes.) Most normal people would say he was a great man, possibly to good for this world, and there was nothing bad you could say about him (although he owes me $20 for that interspecies erotica show we went to one time in Mexico.) This was why I was shocked to see that he had been shot and flogged so badly when he should have been at home with is wife and kids.
Just a few minutes ago I learned what actually happened to him. He arrived home late after yet again helping raise our taxes (help old people) to an enraged wife and daughter. See both of them were basically cattle, they spent every hour that they weren’t out spending Dr. Peabody’s remaining money watching Lifetime, and the Lifetime Movie Channel. Their lives had descended into nonsensical feminine grunts and whines, that no one cared for, and their appearance left much to be desired below is a picture of his wife.
They had been watching cattlevision, err I mean Lifetime, when a movie came on telling them that all men were child molesting wife beaters, that society loved. After hearing this Dr. Peabody walked through the door and not 5 steps in he was duct taped, beaten, stabbed, and shot eleven times. According to the women by the 4th step he had already doled out so much abuse that they couldn’t take it any more, that they had to assault him and await a heroic movie deal.
About 20 minutes ago, Dr. Peabody died on my operating table while we tried to surgically remove (NSFW) “The Rabbit” from his neck. I will be out of my office the rest of the week while I mourn.
Let this be a lesson to you, marry the fat hairy one.