Curse of the Non-Listening Russian Whore

Have you seen one of these?

Subject: is it you? jenna here

Do not ignore me please,
I found your email somewhere and now decided to write you.
Let me know if you do not mind. If you want I can send you some pictures of me.
I am a nice pretty girl. Don’t reply to this email.
Email me direclty at djenna9@mailcreativity.info


Whatever you do, do not reply to one of these e-mails! If you do you will be subjected to a Russian Hooker that no matter how off the wall your e-mails may be, she continues on with her business without reading a single word you have written.

I replied to the above message with a completely off the wall response that started one of the longest one way conversation I have ever had.

Subject: Welcome you little Humper

Dear Jenna,

Thank you for your application to the Jonathan B. Humper, Pre-School for the extremely gifted.

We here like to think of our selves as one big happy family of Humpers and are always aroused to welcome a new Humper into the group whenever we can.

Thank you so much for the offer of a picture. We would love to get one of you so we may place it on our “Future Humpers” board in the physical exertion hall in the Semen’s building. This way all the other little Humpers may get a good look at what new Humpers they will soon be having contact with.

We will need to get some more information from you so we may start processing your application immediately. This information will help us to conclude if you are Humper material. Beings we are a private organization, we do reserve the right to choose who we want as a Humper. I’m sure you understand this and don’t want just anyone coming up on you as a Humper partner or classmate. I assure you that you will be part of a select group of clean and healthy Humpers that you can feel safe spending long periods of time with in close quarters.

Please contact me if you have any questions or would like more information on what it takes to be a good Humper.

Thank you,

Robert S. Crotum

Personal Affairs Organizer
Jonathan B. Humper, Pre-School

So it turns out to be a Russian dating service (Big Surprise!) or something to the like. This next e-mail is about how badly she wants to come to America to meet the right man and blah blah blah… But at least the pictures she sent were nice.

Hello stranger 🙂
I am so happy to see that you have decided to reply,I see it is very short letter.
It is all right because you are astonished to get my letter.
I want you to know that I have only good intentions and I have not any secrets.
The thing is that I will work in your country for three months or so and I would like to meet a nice man to fall in love or just be closest friends.
I don’t want to live in Russia because I have not any chances here,it is hardly possible to explain from first time but I want you to know my plans.I will work in any shop, bar or restaurant the agency that i am going through will suggest me some locations. It will be my choice in the end as to what option to go for.
So I will have a simple work till I improve my English. And I can choose any town of your area,agency will only help me to get a visa and all travel documents + some suggested placed to work in. My best friend last year met the man from the USA when she worked there for 12 months, too.
She had two jobs. From morning till 4 pm she worked in amusement park and after it she worked as a waitress in some bar till midnight. She was very tired of course but made very good money there.
It is special programm for young people who wants to work abroad and I think it is the right way for me, I am lost here,and I think that Ilook pretty enough to find a better place .I want to repeat the same way,it is only my chance to meet a nice man.I want to work in USA or in Europe or any nice country. I am full of plans and different dreams and I want to share my life with good man because I’m also full of love and tenderness,I know that I am not so beautiful like Hollywood Princess but I do hope to meet my Prince and I am sure he will be not be disappoined to meet me in the real life! This is why I am going to go through the same way.
Well,I will close this letter and I do hope to get your reply.
I will leave russia in two weeks or so (I can’t tell you everything exactly right now) and I would like to be sure that I have the man who waits for me there. I will work all day and I want to find a man to spend all free time together to get to know each other better.if you have any interest to meet me I will be more than happy to meet you too.
I will tell you all details about me and my life if you like my pictures and want to meet me! please send picture of you too!!!
I wrote to you with djenna9@mailcreativity.info
Now I write you from my personal mailbox gord@mailactive.info, please write me back here and here only. I will be checking it often.
Kiss you , VALERIYA (this is my real name)!

Beings she poured her heart out to me about how hard of a life she has and how desperately bad she wants to find a good American man… I felt it only right to respond appropriately.

Dear Valleriya,

Thank you so much for your lovely letter.

We here at Pussy Cat Lovers of America are always so very interested in hearing from pussy cat lovers from all over this great big worlds of ours. I believe you are the first Russian we have had any correspondence with.

Thank you for letting us know of the terrible conditions of pussy cats in Russia. Nothing breaks my heart more that hearing about the poor conditions pussy cats have to put up with in your undeveloped countries.

I was talking to a gentleman friend at work the other day and he commented on how hard it was to get good Russian pussy here in the states. And how desperately bad Russian pussy wants to latch onto a good American home so they may live a better life. First off I didn’t know that this co-worker was such a cat lover, second I didn’t realized that Russian pussy wanted in the country so bad. And third according to my co-worker, Russian pussies are the best in the world. I must admit that I am some what skeptical of this but am willing to try a Russian pussy to see. I have a typical American Pussy that I take to all the shows, I must admit I like showing and competing my pussy with others. Do you show your pussy?

If I understand your letter correctly you are offering to send your pussy here to the states so it may have a happier life. It must be really hard for a pussy lover like yourself to make such a sacrifice. But in the best interest of your pussy I feel you are doing the right thing. I would be more than happy to do what I can to make your pussy feel better. Please instruct me on what I can do to help your pussy and any other Russian pussy you know of.

I will be waiting for your reply.

Thank you

Robert S. Crotum
Chapter President
Pussy Cat Lover of America


Believe it or not… She replied back to me! But wait…. Hmmmmmmm Is she even reading my e-mails?

Hello my dear Robert, thank you for your answer!
At first I think I have to say that I am new in internet and I have only good intentions.
you should know that I am not very good writer in english, please be patient to read my
messages and see many mistakes. to be fair I don’t know what you want to know about me,in principle
I am usual girl.I think I should tell you about me, my interests,tastes and hobbies.I think I will tell you
about things I want to know about you and you will know my future questions.
I am 25 years old,my birthday is 3 Oktober 1981. I so much don’t want to get older ,when I can see old women I am
getting crazy to think that it is my future .I do all the best to keep my youth and I keep my body well.In spite of all
difficultes here I am trying to be in good condition and I do a lot of exercises to be in good shape!
I am about 172 cm tall (5.6) and my weight is about 56 kg. I’ve been told I look well enough ,
and I think that all women have own beaty. I have never been married and I don`t have children.
I have one youngest sisters and it is great problem for us because we have only two rooms flat.you can’t imagine what does it mean to be born
in small town in Russia,there are not any chances to live well,to get a good job.All young people leave towns to search
great luck in big cities but nobody waits for them there. I want to leave Russia,I know it sounds ugly but I know that I
will be lost here like many young girls before me. It is not place to grow children and have stable future.I want to meet my right man .
I think in future I can work as fitness trainer I have a certificate. My mother is my great problem too,she has a great dream to see me
married and she wants to make me happy but I think it is only my business I am not a little child. She tells me every day
that I should get married very soon… To be fair I am not sure I am able to explain all in first message I
want to say so much! I just want you to know that I am not afraid to work,I am fairly goal
oriented and I am sure you will be not disappoined to meet me in real life.I am going to spend three months
abroad to work in any good place,agency promises to help me because it is only the way I can leave Russia.I will have all documents
to travel in a few days and i will travel to St Petersburg then,from St Petersburg I will travel to you and they ask me about name of the city i am going to work,
if you don’t mind to meet me please tell me the name of your city and nearest international airport! I will book my flight from St Petersburg!
I think it would be so great to meet my love and stay there forever.I know that it is not so easy like I think but I think it is possible that I meat my real love.
I want to love and to be loved I want to build our own happiness,only me and my man there. I don’t smoke,I tried to smoke when I was younger.
I may have a glass of red dry vine,sometimes it helps to relax. I try to take care of my body and face. I know it is all I have.
My soul may have any itnterst for you later, I thinkso.I am not a little girl and I know that at first almost all men look
at body ,legs and face.God created males such persons. Well,I think I am lost in my letter,I am not sure you
understand my goals,please feel free to ask.
I live in Russia,town Divnogorsk, Dugovaya street 3 – 6,it is near big city Krasnoyarsk.
My town is rather far from St Petersburg.
St Petersburg is a second capital of my country. I want you to reply if you understand my mind,my intentions,my soul,if
not please reply too, I will continue my searching. Well, I will close this letter,I think you are tired to read
it.and If you think that I should write shorter letters please tell me. I write from internet cafe in
Krasnoyarsk because there are not cafes and possibility to use internet in my small town,we have 4 digital phone number and we
can’t call abroad.Even to call in any big town here in Russia I have to order the call in advance.and I would like to say
please don’t worry if I keep silence sometimes I have no time to
travel ,it is about 1 hour 25 minutes by bus from my town till Krasnoyarsk
Please tell me more about you,your tastes,likes and dislikes .also I have a few impotant questions do you
like strong drinks too much?can you be very drunk?very ofthen?can you be rude with women?
Well,I have to stop or I will write without ending.Kiss you !see you later. In my next e-mail I will write you more things about myself and
more details about my trip and work. I will miss you, your Valeriya.

Decided to go a little bit darker on this e-mail and see what happens. Got help with slearl on this one. We wanted better pictures!!!!

My dearest Valeriya,How sweet it is read your letter. My heart melts for you and the pain and suffering you must be enduring in Russia.

In my country, we always read and see on the news the atrocities by the Russian Gestapo and the prison system. The newspapers here print stories about how regular people are forced to go to countries like Iraq and Iran to be construction workers for the Sunni insurgents. How awful this must be. The news also reports that your president Putin is very vile and poisons his people with radioactive material. They also say that the secret Russian police, FSB, forces people into the streets to be massacred when they oppose the government. This must be a scary place to live!

In America, things are much different. Contrary what you might have read, our automobiles can hover from city to city. Imagine the possibilities! If I want to “drive” from New York City to Los Angeles California, it only takes about 30 minutes! Amazing…

Also, in America, our government does not kill us if we oppose them. We are rewarded for such behavior (free speech, as you might have read or heard) with large houses (also known as “flats”) and plenty of food and clean drinking water. If we are lucky, the government will build a McDonalds restaurant near our home. We can go there if you like.

How can I be sure the photographs you sent are really you? Is it possible for you to take some additional photos for verification? As you, I am new to the internet, but I have good intentions also. Would you hold something in your hand, such as a teddy bear, so that I can be sure this is true? Also, American men have certain needs that need to be fulfilled. You might be embarrassed, but can you remove as much clothes as you are allowed in Russia and America in your photographs? If you are to be my friend or love interest, I will need to see your full figure, as best you can. Growing children is what most men would like, even in America. In my country, this is normal practice to see a woman in her natural.

My nearest city with an international airport is Anchorage Alaska. Juno might be closer, but it is really hard for me to figure out. I am 24 years old and I am a strapping young lad. Some say that I am larger down there. I don’t know, I think I am mostly good. Strong drinks are necessary due to the stranger weather where I live. Sometimes it can be cold, so strong American whiskey helps the body. In the summer time, I sometimes drink American beer. I do not drink a lot, but family parties can be fun. My sister and I sometimes have a contest where we see who can perform the funniest stunts. This one time, we both took clothes off and ran around the city. It was a dare, and I won! I think the beer affected our judgment because the police stopped to talk to us. Luck for us, they only gave us a warning to go home. It was a lot of fun, but very risky! You should try it with your sister. Do you and your sister do anything fun together? My sister and I do everything!! We are really close. This other time, we drive our Honda across the frozen lake where I live and the ice started to crack under the car. A tire got stuck and we were stuck there for a whole week with only chocolate bars and red wine. We had a great time, until the rescue teams stopped us from having “fun”.

My family is very close. They understand that I want to love, and be loved also. I casually mentioned that I met someone on the internet and they were very happy for me. They really want me to meet you. I am not sure about how this would work out. First and foremost, I must see more of you with less clothes. As you read earlier, my sister and I (and not in the way you might think .. it is all in good fun) do it regularly. She wants to see you also. She is my mentor and she helps me make decisions. You asked me if I was rude to woman … NO!! I am very fond of my sister, and I am a very caring man. I love my family, especially my sister. She is very dear to my heart and soul. I do not hurt anyone or animals.

In conclusion, please send more photos. I really care about seeing you in less, but more of.

I am also including a photo of what I think you and I would look like married. You look quite nice in the wedding dress.

Thanks,
Robert S. Crotum

P.S.
My good friends can call me Harry

This is our wedding photo

Once again another response that makes me believe that she is not reading my e-mails….

Hello my dear Robert!!
I am so glad to see your letter again,I think I am a lucky girl to meet such man and I will do my best to meet you in real life!
you know I can work in any city of your area because it is free choice and agency only helps me to get
only travel documents (work visa)and ticket, and I do hope that we will like each other and now I have the destination.
The agency will also suggest some places to work in. I do hope I have met my right man!you know I have told you before one
of my friend worked abroad last year and have met right man,now they live there and they are going to
marry. by the way now they are arranging the trip to Russia,(he wants to meet her parents and friends)
I think if I feel that you are my dream and you have the same feelings we could think about our future together.
if not I will just work and return back when the time to travel back. you know I am new here and I am afraid to make any mistake.
I have one great lack,I am very impatient sometimes I can act without thinking.
Sometimes I think that my dream is getting for real and it is so bad to be disappointed later.
I want you to know all small things about me because it shouldn’t be any misunderstandings between us.
I want you to know that I am not angel and sometimes I can show my character.And I don’t wait that you to be angel too, I just want to meet a kind man .
I am very kind and I can forgive almost all I can’t forgive if my man sleep with different woman, I don’t know many nessesary words in english.
I hope you can read between lines. A little more about myself!
my favorite activity is fitness. I wanted to be as fitness trainer but
I finished The Krasnoyarsk State Univercity, trainers faculty as fitness
trainer but I don’t work on my profession because there are no good fintess clubs in my city,
I used to sit at home and to do all housework,helping my mom. I would like to have good job,
I may work dancing teacher, or trainer of fitness,you know I have a certificate. I worked as a trainer a year ago .
and I would like to do it again .you know how many more younger girls want to get this job too!Alot of competition here. I want to tell you about things I like:
I like to make barbecue and I so much want to have my own home with fireplace.
usually I make very tasty ones and in principle I like to cook and it is not problem for me to cook something tasty and I don’t like to visit cafes and restaurants,
at first usually they can’t cook weel(maybe only here) and second too high price.
I like warm weather. and my great dream is to live somewhere on tropical island. Also I want to tell you about my dislikes:
I hate our long winters it seems to me they will never end. I hate lies and unfaithfulness.
I hate evil people and politicans I think they like to play wars, I hate any ars.
What I like in a man: faithfulness, honesty. He has to be open- minded and open-hearted, also easy-going. and much more important he is kind,kindness makes our world!
Are you kind and gentle man ?????
I think my man should be kind ,it is great feeling after love,only kind person may be happy, all rude people are unhappy.
or must be. A few questions yet, agency tells that I will have a room in nearest hotel near my future
work but if we like each other may be is it possible to live together?I think we will enjoy life together. do you have your car?animals? I
can’t drive and I do hope you give me a few lessons, to be fair I have so many plans .I will find out all travel details
about my flight this week. I will leave my town today in a two hours and i think I will be not able to write to you today or so.
When I am in St Petersburg I will send you short letter to let you know that I am all right and they tell that it takes about two days to
get all nesseary papers, please confirm your phone number and international airport, I want to be sure I have all your details and
Please don’t look at different girls. I am the best(joke). Well, I will close this letter I think I am bore today,and please feel
free to ask. See you soon!I can’t believe everything is for real. to be fair I am lost and my head is like any big station with a lot of voice!
KISS and LOVE Valeriya!

Received a bunch more photos. Mostly of her in a bikini… I’m sure your not interested.

OK, I’ve just about had it. Time to go way over board… Let’s see if she reads this one.

Dear Valeriya,

You have been so very honest with me but I have been somewhat dishonest with you.

To start I am married, I live in a part of the country and practice a religion that allows me more than one wife. At this time I am married to 8 different women, all of them are fine handsome ladies that have bared me many children. (As of this time I have 27 kids)

It is my religions belief that a woman can only enter the gates of heaven when she has served her man fully here on earth. A woman must listen and follow the instructions of her husband completely and without question. She must also take the name that is given to her from her husband. The names I have given my other eight wives are as follows:

1. Finger Hole Sally
2. Moaning Mandy
3. Jiffy Pop Kim
4. Tuna Fish Tina
5. Back Door Valerie
6. Crack Whore Debbie
7. Sandy the Bitch
8. Hooker-Bot 3000

Beings I already have a wife by the name of Valerie, I feel it best to give you a name that is something different. I have been thinking long and hard about this and have decided to call you, “Russian Tart”. What do you think of that name? Looking at your pictures you appear to be a tart and daddy likes that… oh yes he does. I know we will be good together and once you have learned your chores I am sure you will fit right in.

I have talked about you in great length to my other wives and they have taken to the idea of another family member sharing our home. Most of them accepted the idea with very little beating. The one holdout came around after only 6 days in the hole. That Hooker-Bot 3000 sure is a feisty one, but I guess that is what you get for marrying a 13 year old.

I must make clear to you what your duties around the house will be. To start you must get up every morning at 4:30 am and start making breakfast for me and all my male children. Then you must make sure that this food stays warm until I and the boys awake and come down to eat it. I normally get up around 11:30am to 1:59 pm. After that you and the other wives and female children are able to eat your share of the meal. After which it is time for you to fulfill your many duties around the house. Which include cleaning, washing, moving furniture, fencing autos, laundering money, filming Japanese bukkaki videos, picking my many scabs and so on. You will be given a list when you arrive.

For entertainment at night I normally watch you ladies undress and put on Suma wrestler costumes, then jump off the barn roof onto each other. Or anything else I may have a fancy for. Your in luck, we are starting a Female cream corn wrestling league here in town and you will be here in time for that. Plus every Sunday night we have the Church Jamboree and wife swap. How do you feel about different smells, you will experience the full gamut at one of these I assure you. Is there any orifice that you consider off limits? Please let me know before I take you to one of these.

Boy Howdy am I looking forward to having you get here. I have set aside a good amount of time for you and me to get to know one another better… If you know what I mean. (Time set aside 11.23 to 11.36 pm) This is very hard to do with eight wives and 27 kids… Oops make that 28, Crack Whore Debbie just dropped one.

I hope you like animals and the game, “Pull my Finger” both of which smell funny and end up getting you pregnant.

Well I must go and sharpen my knives, can’t wait to see you.

Love and kisses

Harry S. Crotum.

P.S.

I forgot to let you know that you will need an ID of sorts to be able to get into our little town. I hope you are not afraid of red hot branding irons…

Oh come on!!! You’re not even reading my e-mails!!! I knew it!!!!

My honey! 🙂 it is me,can you believe I am in St Petersburg.
I can’t believe ,it was wonderful flight and they gave red vine in plane, wow,I have never tried
such tasty one!!!!!
I went the bus up to the Subway from the airport .
In Subway long went, it was so is delightful
I was in travel agency today, but my documents are not ready yet,
it will be ready tomorrow.
I will go to travel agency again to get all info about my trip.
And of course, when I will get it – I will send it to you!
It is such great city and it takes a few hours to travel from one end to other.
I rented the flat for few days.
People said to me some nice places in St Petersburg while he was
Such a great city it is. I have no words to explain.
you can’t imagine how great St Petersburg is,to be fair I wouldn’t like to
live here,a lot of cars,people , voice and pollution.
Ugly traffic and people with crazy eyes.
When I get off plane in airport St Petersburg policeman asked about passport
and he looked at me like I am any enemy,
I think all people here are a little crazy at terrorism.
Life here in St Petersburg is expensive. I was going through some shops today
and it is much more expensive than in our town. Food and all the general things.
It is the same country but different prices, what a great change.
I think people living in St Petersburg are very cautious ,I think so.
But I think that I have done my choice and to be fair I don’t want to
live here,it is not the city of my dreams.
you know I am not coward I am not afraid I know it is my chance to meet
kind man .I do hope I am right.
and I think you are too kind to make any bad things I feel it.
Well,I will close this letter ,please write as soon as possible!see
you soon! KISS 🙂 Great kiss from St Petersburg!!!!! Valeriya!

Screw it! I’m just going to write anything now…

Are you even reading my e-mails to you?

Blue banana red feet hello ruff ruff kitty crack whore

Love and farts

Stinkers the clown

And once again she has responded to me without reading my e-mail to her… But at least FINALLY she has asked me for money. I was afraid that she was never going to get around to it. Whew!

Hello my dear Robert!
it is me again and I want you to know that you can’t imagine how happy I am.
I have a schedule of my flight.you can’t imagine how much crazy St Petersburg is. It is great fear to live here I think so!Our small town is
more friendly . well,about our business, I tasted my blood,such rule for foreign visitors wanting to visit your
country! Thanks God, I am in good health, all of my tests are all right,I only need some vitamins I think it
is the bad foods and long winters problem.I have to eat much more fruits and vegetables.The doctor said!
well,here is all info ,I do hope we will together in a few days! Info from agency!

INFORMATION MY FLIGHT FOR YOU !

Scandinavian Airlines
SK 737
Pulkovo (LED), St Petersburg, Russia
Terminal 2 14:25
Copenhagen (CPH), Copenhagen, Denmark
Terminal 3 14:30
Non-stop / M80 19h05min
United Airlines
UA 9395 OP
Copenhagen (CPH), Copenhagen, Denmark
Terminal 3 15:45
Seattle/Tacoma International (SEA), Seattle, Washington, USA 17:45
Non-stop / 343
Alaska Airlines
AS 119
Seattle/Tacoma International (SEA), Seattle, Washington, USA 19:55
Anchorage International (ANC), Anchorage, Alaska, USA
Terminal S 22:30
Non-stop / 73G

Price: USD 1090.00+

Honey, I am so glad to see that I am almost near my goal,and our meeting wait for us.
I think I will call you from airport and I will wait for you there so long as you need,I mean if you need any time to arrive in airport.
it is not problem to wait there because I know that it is the end of my trip and I have time to improve my condition(some parfume)after
long jorney.I want you to see me in good shape! I think everything will be all right.Rather I am sure everything will be all right!.
My Dear, they have told in travel office that I have to show tickets when I will visit embassy after tomorrow before my flight.
People from embassy must be sure that I am not going to stay illegally in your country and I have tickets with returning data.it is
very strong rule. I have some money but my flight from Krasnoyarsk to St Petersburg costed so much(about 500$)
because so many kilometrs from there to St Petersburg. I didn’t guess that tickets costs so much. and I have to book tickets till in less than 2 days ,
because of my interview. I have not written date of flight because I do not have all money to the ticket.
as soon as I will have all money and I will buy the ticket I shall write to you date of flight.
I will buy the ticket on this flight. May be you could borrow some money?
I am sure I will be able to return it back in a few weeks after my arriving I will earn some money and at
first to return all money to you.
I also have not written this date of the flight because I yet have not bought the ticket,
but if you will borrow to me money I will fly on this flight, in most nearest day,
this flight flies almost each day.
in Agency they have told me that you may send it by Western Union (or MoneyGram). It is pretty easy to use.
The guy from the agency explained to me how their system works. It is instant worldwide money transfer system.
All you need is my name and my surname to send me the money. Once you do this ,
I’ll be able to pickup the money in any local Western Unuion (or MoneyGram) office in St Petersburg. We need to do it pretty fast, because we have no time till my intervew,
if everything will be all right I will be on this flight!
I have about 500 US dollars yet and I think I need about 600 US dollars from your side with all travel needs and living
here till my flight!If everything will be all right between us I can stay with you longer than three months,maximum I can stay about 6 months for
first time! We should change only the date of my returning flight. Or I can return earlier if something is wrong!
Here is more info about Western Union (or MoneyGram). You find any local Western Union (or MoneyGram) agent, go there and send money to my name.
Western Union (or MoneyGram) will ask you for my full name and address in St Petersburg where I am staying at. Once you give them all the info they will initiate the transfer.
In just less than 10 minutes I will be able to pick the money up at any Western Union (or MoneyGram) agent here in St Petersburg.

You will send me transfer info and MTCN( money transfer control number )
I will get cash. So I will need your full name and your address + the control number of the transfer. (MTCN)
Kiss you many times ,I am tired today,you know it is hard enough to be in foreign city. So many different emotions .
Kiss you many times! Valeriya! see you soon!

Ah, silly me. Nearly forgot to give you my full name info and my address.

My address here (the flat i am renting)
Country : Russia, City : St Petersburg,
Address : Kazanskaya 15 – 6, post code (zip) 190000
Full Name Valeriya Gordiushina(right writting in English)

I am sorry to send so dry letter but it seems to me I am like any drunker I have lost my mind and my head works so badly,see you tomorrow. I am
sorry to make so many problems for you I only hope that you will be not disappoined to meet me.


This is her passport…. Must be real huh?


I decided to respond again with the assumption that it will not be read.

Dear Russian Girl that does not read my e-mails,

Beings you are not readingg what I have been sending you, I figure there is no real reason to use full and correct sentances or even chek my speling.

I have fudge in my pants,
My testies are blinking
You need to shave your back
I did your mother 6 times last night

From now on I’m calling to you Cow Tit Russain Girl that does not listen

Eat shit and die

Whit love

richard, or robert or what ever the fuck my made up name is today

I did not receive a response back from Valeriya for some time and started to get worried, so I fired off this last ditch effort email to try and save our relationship.

Dearest Valeriya

Where are you? I have been waiting at the Anchorage airport for you for 6 days. Did you make your flight? Did the Russian KGB arrest you and throw you in one of the many prostitute gulags there?

Please respond to me, for I have not eaten or slept since I heard from you last. I have lost nearly 27 pounds because of this. I am as skinny as a rail. Take a look at this picture of me to see.

Your love slave and tax attorney

Harry S. Crotum.

Sexy! but still I have not heard back form my sweet Valariya

One thought on “Curse of the Non-Listening Russian Whore

  1. Pingback: Curse of the Non-Listening Russian Whore. Ep III Revenge of the Sith « Hot Lard

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