blstern’s 14 Million Dollar Screw Up

OMG!!!! I have been just offered the chance to get 14 million dollars!!!!!

Subject: Read This

Mr. George Lambo,
ABSA Bank Limited,
Johannesburg, South Africa.

My Dear,

I am Mr. George Lambo, manager of bills/exchange at the foreign remittance department of ABSA Bank. In my department, we discovered an abandoned sum of US$14,700,000.00 (Fourteen Million, Seven Hundred Thousand United State Dollars only) in an account that belonged to one of our foreign customers who died along with his entire family, on November 1996, in a ghastly plane crash.

Since we got the information about his death, we have been expecting his next-of-kin to come over and claim his money because we can not release it unless somebody applied for it as next of kin or relation to the deceased asindicated in our banking guidelines.Unfortunately, nobody has come forward to claim this money.

It is based on this that some officials in my department and I have decided to establish a cordial business relationship with you contacting you. We want you to present yourself as the next of kin through your relation with the deceased, so that the funds can be remitted into your account. Moreover, we do not want the money to go into a government account as unclaimed bills. The banking law and guidelines here stipulates that any account abandoned or is dormant for a period of 10 years, is deemed closed and all money contained therein forfeited to the government treasury account.

Now, it is being speculated that the above sum will be transferred into the government account as an unclaimed fund on or before the middle of 2007, when nobody comes forward to lay claims. The reason for requesting you to present yourself as next ofkin, is occasioned by the fact thatthe deceased (customer) was a foreigner, and we have access to his detailed bio data which you will hold as a weapon to present yourself as the next of kin.

The mode of sharing after a successful transfer of the money into your account, shall be 70% to my colleagues and I, for the role you will be expected to play in this deal, we have agreed to give you 25% of the total sum and 5% for the expenses we are going to encounter by the two parties in the course of this transaction. Therefore, you are expected to reply this letter indicating your readiness and interest to participate in this business.

After receiving your reply, you will be communicated to with the exact steps to take. I expect your urgent response. I shall contact you for further discussion on this matter, to enable us conclude this transaction urgently without any delay or hitch.

Please treat this business proposal asstrictly confidential for securityreasons considering my official position here in ABSA Bank.

Do confirm your positive disposition towards this transaction by reaching me at glambo1@myway.com

Regards,
Mr. George Lambo

14 million Dollars? WOW!!!

Imagine all the anal ointment I could buy with that!

I had better respond…

Subject: I read it, now what?

Dear Mr. Glambo,

I’m not sure how this works. What will you need from me?

Regards,

Harry S. Crotum

Even though I call him Glambo (First screw up) rather than George Lambo, he still was kind enough to respond.

Subject: Hello

My Dear,

First I want to thank you very much for your prompt response to my e-mail to you. As a matter of fact, I’m assuring you that this transaction that we are about to go into is 100% legitimate and risk free, so there is nothing for you to worry about. We have in our possession all the necessary legal documents that we will forward to you as we proceed in this matter, which will guide you through this transaction.

As a result of urgency and time being of great essence in this transaction, I’ll appreciate if you can kindly forward to me your direct telephone and fax numbers, so that l contact you and explain to you more details regarding this transaction, Also to enable me fax to you the necessary documents that will make you understand exactly what this transaction is all about and where the funds are coming from, as well as the purpose of our claim.

Therefore, before we proceed i will want you to furnish me with the following informations:

(1)Your Full Names
(2)Your Age
(3)Your Occupation/Profession
(4)Your Residential address/Company if any
(5)Your Direct Telephone And fax Numbers.

As soon as i have this information from you, i will proceed to contact you within 24hours of receiving your information.
Furthermore, due to the confidentiality of this transaction I will appreciate if you can always reach me through this email address which is more confidential to me in this matter.

Thank you for your anticipated co-operation and understanding.

Await Your urgent response to this mail.

Best Regards,
Mr. George Lambo

My second mishap

Subject: You say Goodbye and I say Hello

Dear Mr. Glambo,

I’m afraid my child spilled chocolate milk all over my computer monitor and I was unable to read your e-mail. Hard to see writing through chocolate milk. Could you please send it again, I promise to keep Mimsy and her chocolate milk away from my PC.

If you could send me a preliminary e-mail saying you are about to send me an e-mail. I’ll make sure she goes outside to play with our dog, Bloodfang.

Thanks and looking forward to doing business with you

Harry S. Crotum

Wow, this Glambo fella is a really nice guy. Not only did he send it to me again but I’m now My Dear Harry and not just My Dear.

Subject: Request Resent

My Dear Harry,

First I want to thank you very much for your prompt response to my e-mail to you. As a matter of fact, I’m assuring you that this transaction that we are about to go into is 100% legitimate and risk free, so there is nothing for you to worry about. We have in our possession all the necessary legal documents that we will forward to you as we proceed in this matter, which will guide you through this transaction.

As a result of urgency and time being of great essence in this transaction, I’ll appreciate if you can kindly forward to me your direct telephone and fax numbers, so that l contact you and explain to you more details regarding this transaction, Also to enable me fax to you the necessary documents that will make you understand exactly what this transaction is all about and where the funds are coming from, as well as the purpose of our claim.

Therefore, before we proceed i will want you to furnish me with the following informations:

(1)Your Full Names
(2)Your Age
(3)Your Occupation/Profession
(4)Your Residential address/Company if any
(5)Your Direct Telephone And fax Numbers.

As soon as i have this information from you, i will proceed to contact you within 24hours of receiving your information.
Furthermore, due to the confidentiality of this transaction I will appreciate if you can always reach me through this email address which is more confidential to me in this matter.

Thank you for your anticipated co-operation and understanding.

Await Your urgent response to this mail.

Best Regards,
Mr. George Lambo

Gosh Darn my bad luck!!!

Subject: Resent request from the first resent mishap that has some how happened again.

Dear Glambo,

I am really really sorry about this. But my daughter Mimsy got to my computer again and deleted all my e-mails. Could you please send the information to me again. I promise to beat my child severly for this and hide all her medication until she blacks out from the pain. I swear on soul of my gold fish “Sparkles” it will not happen again.

Thank you

Harry S, Crotum

I guess I only get two screwups because he has not responded. Darn you Mimsy, I guess it is the hose for you again.

Or, it could be the fact that each email I sent saying how sorry I was for not being able to read his email… Had his e-mail attached. Maybe he caught on. hmmmmmmmm

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