Thank goodness for shiny things… Without them women would not have anything to think about.
But make sure they finish all your laundry and cooking before you let them play with their shiny thing. Otherwise they will not get any of their womanly duties finished before the big game comes on.
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I just kid
I know women are a much more complex instrument than something that would be only interested in shiny things…
They like to give oral sex too.
Remember the “Runaway Bride”? You know, it was that stupid bitch that ran out on her marriage because she didn’t think the gold leaf was correct on the invitations or was not ready to give anal to her groom or whatever the fuck her dumb ass excuse was. Then she said she was kidnapped an sexually assaulted by a group of Mexicans or black guys, only to find out it was all a lie or sexual fantasy of her’s.
Well it appears that the Groom she left at the alter has gotten remarried… To another woman
Runaway Bride’s Former Fiance Marries Another Woman
ATLANTA — John Mason, the man who was once engaged to runaway bride Jennifer Wilbanks, has gotten married — to another woman.
His father, Claude Mason, tells People magazine that John Mason married Shelley Martin in a quiet ceremony Saturday in Duluth. Claude Mason, who serves as an associate municipal judge and officiated the ceremony, says the family was very happy for John Mason. John Mason currently works as the general manager of a family medical facility in Duluth. His new bride, Martin, works in pharmaceutical sales. Claude Mason says the two met through Martin’s cousin, who was a high school classmate of John Mason’s. John Mason was thrust into the spotlight in 2005 when his then-fiance, Wilbanks, disappeared just days before their wedding. She turned up a few days later in New Mexico and initially claimed she had been kidnapped and sexually assaulted. She later recanted, saying she ran away because of personal issues, and pleaded no contest to telling authorities a phony story. Wilbanks and John Mason ended their engagement and filed lawsuits against each other, which were later dropped.John Mason’s Saturday wedding didn’t go off without a hitch — severe storms passed through the Atlanta area over the weekend.
Now the one thing I don’t understand is what he ever saw in the first bitch to begin with. I can remember looking at the pictures they had of her on CNN and thinking to myself, “Self… This bitch has some serious cocaine eyes“. You know… Those freaky ass buggy eyes that some people get when they are high or retarded. If your not sure take a look at this picture of the couple back in 2005.
Click on image for a better look
I could not imagine what he saw in this freak and how his dick could get hard when she looked at him and said, “Do me till my eyes go normal, you big stud”
I just hope his new bride has a somewhat normal look to her.
Here is a photo of the new couple, tell me if you have any idea what he sees in her.
I bet she has a really cool car.
Ahhh, true love… It (sniff) makes me want to cry.
I’ve come to the conclusion that our readers are much smarter than we are.
I realized this after viewing the blogs of the people who have commented on some of our posts. Don’t get me wrong, these comments are favorable and they seem to like what they read. But when I look at their blogs I can see the great amount of detail and thought that goes into their work.
There are two bloggers in particular I’m talking about; Laurie and aniche. Two people that have been trolling Hot Lard for a little while and have had some really nice things to say about us. This made me feel really good about myself and our little corner of the Internet we have created here. So I decided to check them out and see what they had to say….
That is when it hit me…. I’m fucking stupid!
These two have created blogs that display the true love they have for their art. And it shows with such things as the big words they use like…
Telephone
Truck
From
Indiana
As you read their posts you can tell that they took great time and real thought to create. If I can not come up with my entire post before I finish my morning/afternoon/evening crap, I lose interest and go back to doing what I was before…. Most of the time that would be watching barn yard porn or cheese fart contests with the retarded kid across the street.
Not to mention that I have to use tags like, “Midget Porn” and “Crack Whore” to reel in my pervs readers. Where they can use tags like… ummmm “Smart” and “Not Dumb” to get their readers.
What does it take to be able to create an intelligent thought provoking blog? Do you have to have a really great job like, cafeteria manager, or animal semen extractor? Does your education have to go beyond the 7th grade? Or better than the Scurvy Hills community college diploma I have. I don’t know, and to be honest, I have spent way to much time away from my Barn Yard Vixens #9 video to think about this any further.
So before I go, I’d like to say thank you to all the intelligent bloggers out there that gives us things to think about as we read. If it weren’t for you, people like me may get delusions of grandeur and think we could become Brain Surgeons… or Meter Maids. Thanks for grounding me you bastards. But there is a place for us stupid bloggers too. We take the simple and dumb it down.That way everybody, from the ditch digger to the scientist can understand what makes a really good fart joke.
In closing if you want to see a picture of the Cookie Monster telling Bert to “Fuck Off” please click here and enjoy our site.
If you want a thought provoking well written post that will give you information on the world around you… Click here and look at the picture of the Cookie Monster telling Bert to “Fuck off”. You are thinking way to much and could use a brake. And be happy that stupid people like us are around to give you a laugh.
I’m the Robot and I’m going to nail these two community college girls.
Try that at Harvard!!!
Mam, I’m afraid your husband died from what we commonly refer to as Stupidity.
It has been some time since I have replied to anyone offering me riches and wealth through my Gmail. It’s not that I have not been getting these emails, it’s just that I’ve been so darn busy with work. Like…………… Well there is……………….. I had to………………
OK, I’ve been busy hiding the bodies and masturbating myself blind.
Anywho, the staff at Hot Lard received an email from Pam White of the HD Publishing Group who is offering us…….. ummmmmmmmmm……………. She was either trying to sell us something or offer us a job. Beings I pretty much own everything I need and no job could improve on my position of a barnyard porn mogul. I felt it necessary to come out of retirement and fuck with Pam. Below you will see the email we received from Ms. White and my response.
Subject:
Great Synergy and Opportunities
Dear WordPress:
A strategic and comprehensive search for great affiliates with sites
that fit our niche, has brought us to you via your site at
http://www.wordpress.com/tag/background-check/.Since 1996, HD Publishing Group has been fortunate enough to have one
of the # 1 rated websites for search related inquiries on the web – Net
Detective. Because of our tremendous success and longevity, we’re
continually looking that that fresh new face to join with us as we
continue to bring our product to the thousands of new Internet users
who enter the market each day. That’s why we’ve chosen to contact you
directly and give you a brief overview of what our product can do to
bring your affiliate marketing business to the next level.* 69% commission from the 1st sale
* Long time trusted products
* On-time trusted payouts
* VIP commission schedules avaialble
* Custom landing and order pages
* Fresh Articles and Banner Creatives
* New Landing page templates monthly
* 120-Day cookies
* In-house Affiliate Manager
* Great Converting Search product updated monthly
All this adds up to continuous high conversions and maximum dollars in
your pocket!Join https://www.hdpublishinggroup.com/affiliate_signup.php HD
Publishing Group today and start earning the type of income you deserve.I’m looking forward to speaking with you soon.
Sincerely,
Pam White
HD Publishing Group
HD Publishing Group – Affiliate Signup, Affiliate Program Sign Up
pam@affiliatesuccess.net
Here is my response to Pam’s offer of putting maximum dollars in my pocket.
Subject: My Reply to your Great Surgery Opportunity
Dear Pam White,
I’m afraid that Mr. WordPress is out of the office. This is the week he goes to local Jr. high schools to talk to the kids about the evils of Internet publishing companies and rectal thermometers. He also uses this time to get his son a date to one of the many Sadie Hawkins dances the schools are having. Personally I think his son should be doing this himself. At the age of 37 he should know by now how to get a date with a 14 year old.
So at this time you will be dealing with me, Ervin Shlopnick. May I call you Peaches? I feel much better working with someone who I have given a name to. My secretary is called “Stupid Lisa” and my wife has been given the name “No Daddy No”. Peaches, I feel that you and I could make a great team and with your brains, resources, business knowledge and my dirty underpants collection. I think we could be ruling the Internet with an iron fist in no time.
I am very excited in learning what you have on at this moment, plus I’m some what interested in your offer. I do however have some questions.
120 days of cookies. Do I get to choose the type of cookie (chocolate chip, oatmeal, ect) or do you send me a different box every day?
Do I have to give room and board to the in house manager? Am I responsible for feeding him…. Or would it be a her? If it is a her, and she is smart, witty and works without pants? I’ll take care of all her needs personally.
Can the Net Detective help me find out if my girlfriend is cheating on me? She says she is just going to workout every day and that is why she comes home all sweaty. But that doesn’t explain the male ejaculate in her hair. I’d love to have the net detective to take some photos of her and show them to me while we eat the 120 day old cookies and double team the in house manager.
What does the “HD” of HD Publishing Group stand for? Is it:
Hum Dinger (That would be awesome)
Hump’em Dry
Hard Dingdong
Hands Dirty
Hardcore Downloads
Hate Date
Happy Drifter
Hole Diggers
Homo Domo
Heavy Drinkers
I’d also like to know a little bit about you personally. When is the last time you showered? Does your breath ever smell like old feet? Do you like putting live things in your pants?
Boy Howdy, I feel like we’ve known each other for years. So when can I come over to your house and eat some of your food? I’ll tell you all about Aunt May and her inner thigh boils. Can you make some food that has bananas in it? I really like bananas…. About as much as I like burying things in the woods at 3 am. But that is for another time and when we become lovers.
Looking forward to seeing you in my mothers orange jumpsuit.
Ervin Shlopnick
Assistant Associate Managing Director of Internal Affairs and Monkey Tricks.
Hot Lard Inc.
Will let you know what response we receive from good ole Pam.
To the girl that took this picture of herself in a seductive pose and then posted it on Tinypic.com so her boyfriend could look at it.
This guy would like to say, “Thank You”.
For last night he masturbated to it and came on your face on his computer screen.
Try running that image through your mind a few times.
Remember…
You were a kid once too and did stupid shit like this…
In twenty year’s time you will be able to look back on this and laugh…
Murder is a one way ticket to prison and they make you have butt sex there…
1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7. 8. 9. 10….. OK I’m better. Let’s get this mess…… JESUS H CHRIST, NOT MY PLASMA TV!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ummmmmmm…
Does there really need to be a sign for this?
Mr. Positive 07/01/2009
Posted: July 1, 2009 by Ervin Sholpnick in Business, Classic Comments, Howto, Humor, Mr. Positive, PSA, Public, Thoughts, You SuckTags: bitch, Blow Job, board of directors, counterpart, demotivate, demotivation, demotivational, Demotivational posters, motivate, motivational, motivational posters, Oral Sex, Positive, Stupid, stupid bitch, Swallow, Teenager, women in the work place