Why do I immediately think of the Twilight movies when I see this?
Posts Tagged ‘Midget porn’
Hot Lard Kodak Moment – Twilight
Posted: October 8, 2010 by Ervin Sholpnick in Humor, Kodak Moment, Movies, Photos, Thoughts, You SuckTags: Books, Crack Whore, drive in, Gay, Midget porn, Suck, Theater, Twilight saga, Twlight, Vampires
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My Thoughts by Ervin Shlopnick – Public Restrooms
Posted: October 7, 2010 by Ervin Sholpnick in Classic Comments, Food, Humor, life, PSA, Public, Rants, Thoughts, You SuckTags: anal sex, breed, breeding, Crack Whore, Fluffy Bunny, germs, insperation, Midget porn, poop, Public restrooms, Restroom, Suck my balls
I’ve been told that public restrooms are a breeding ground for germs.
That doesn’t seem right to me…
I believe that anyone should be allowed to breed in them.
O-PORN-O’s
Posted: September 30, 2010 by Ervin Sholpnick in Animals, Best Buy, Best Of, Business, Celebrities, Cool Stuff, Food, Hotties, Humor, Jokes, Misc, News, Photos, Pranks, Public, Sports, WalMart, WTF, You SuckTags: anal sex, Breakfast, Cereal, Crack Whore, Donkey, Football, Midget porn, Ochocinco, porn
Hey Kids, Uncle Ervin here.
With the news that the cereal brand “Ochocinco’s” is giving out free porn with every box. (See link… http://sports.espn.go.com/nfl/news/story?id=5632476) I decided that we here at Hot Lard should get into the morning nutrition business ourselves.
So I marched down to our Marketing & Advertising department and immediately walked up to the most senior person and whipped him to death to prove my dominance and then explained to the survivors my idea. They all agreed that it was brilliant.
So without further ado…
Just in time for Breakfast
It’s Ervin Shlopnick’s Barnyard O-PORN-O’s.
The healthy and nutritious cereal for kids that doesn’t forget about the Barnyard porn lover in all of us.
The cereal that offers good things like…. Ummmmmmmm…Oats? And………. Uh… wheat stuff…. I think there is like some vitamins…. Like…. C….B…..uh B69….M…. and Q
Plus fun and exciting things like, Donkey on girl insertion. Man on Chicken tongue kissing. Cow, Dog, Elephant, Platypus, Emu, Girl, Goldfish, and Dung Beetle group sex.
But don’t take my word for it…. Just listen to these testimonials.
Random Man on the Street: “When I am scoping out the local elementary school, I have a lot of downtime. So I fill that with O-PORN-O’s. It’s Porno-riffic”!
Random Woman on the Street: “O-PORN-O’s puts the “Rape” in Breakfast”.
Random Soccer fan on the Street: “It makes me feel better about all of the male-on-male oral sex I give”
So kids, get out there and get yourself some O-PORN-O’s right now….
Ask your mom…
Ask your Dad…
Ask the dead-beat your whore of a mother is sleeping with this week…
Mug your Grandma…
Just get some fucking money and buy this shit.
Mr Positive – 9/24/2010
Posted: September 24, 2010 by Ervin Sholpnick in Best Of, Books, Business, Classic Comments, Cool Stuff, Forum, Humor, Misc, Mr. Positive, PSATags: anal sex, Crack Whore, Cyclopes, Feathers, Fight, handy, Midget porn, Rocks, Runny Nose, Stuff
Mr Positive says… “Rocks are harder than feathers because rocks are made from a rock like substance, where feathers are made from stuff that can make you fly. If I had to kill a cyclopes who has a runny nose and no pants… I’d go with the rock as my weapon of choice…… But would keep some feathers handy in case I had to fall back, fly away and fight another day”.
Mr. Positive 04/20/2010
Posted: April 20, 2010 by Ervin Sholpnick in Best Of, Classic Comments, Howto, Humor, life, Mr. Positive, PSA, Rants, Thoughts, Tips & Tricks, You SuckTags: anal sex, baking, baking a cake, cake, Crack Whore, marathone, Midget porn, running, tired
Mr. Positive says, “Running a marathon is like baking a cake. No matter how tired you get.. there is cake at the end”.
Mr. Positive 03/29/2010
Posted: March 29, 2010 by Ervin Sholpnick in Business, Humor, Mr. Positive, Thoughts, Tips & Tricks, You SuckTags: anal sex, bow down, Crack Whore, Good job, Hello, humiliation, Midget porn, OOPS, pain, Positive, Worship, worship me
Mr. Positive says, “Someday the little people of this stinking planet will bow down and worship the ground I walk on. And if you displease me I will crush your bones under my shoe as you watch your loved ones suffer unimaginable pain and humiliation just to satisfy my blood lust for…. Hello…. Is this thing on???? Ummmmm… You’re doing a great job; keep up the good work”.
Mr. Positive 03/13/2010
Posted: March 13, 2010 by Ervin Sholpnick in Best Of, Humor, Mr. Positive, Thoughts, You SuckTags: anal sex, Crack Whore, forgot, Midget porn, Old people, Positive, Sorry, Thumbs up
Mr. Positive says, “The older I get, the mor
e I…. Sorry, what was I talking about”?
Christmas cards and wishes to make anyones heart sing with joy.
Posted: December 10, 2009 by Ervin Sholpnick in Best Of, Best Wishes, Christmas, Cool Stuff, Demotivator, Holidays, Hotties, Humor, life, Photos, Thoughts, WTF, You SuckTags: anal sex, Card, Cards, Christmas, Christmas cards, Crack Whore, demotivate, demotivation, demotivational, Demotivational posters, ditto, fire, Flight, Happy Holidays, Merry Christmas, Midget porn, miley cyrus, motivate, motivation, motivational, motivational posters, motivator, posters, Santa, Santa Clause
Please take this card as a token of our appreciation to you… Our wonderful readers… this Christmas holiday.
Yeah, I know, it is pretty much a piece of shit. I believe it took our art depart all of thirty seconds to slap the damn thing together and post it… I really hate those bastards and would like to see them all fired… or taste their own blood. But hey, what can one do? It’s hard to find an art department that will agree to wear full-body leather suits and ball-gags at work.
Beings this card sucks so much, I’ve decided to have the illegitimate children of our staff come up with their own sweet little Christmas cards for our readers. You can see them below.
Or if you like, you can view last years Christmas special here, http://hotlard.wordpress.com/2008/12/12/demotivational-posters-christmas-special/ because we are too cheep to do a new one this year.
Happy Christmas to you all…. Except you, yes you, you know who I’m talking about.
Ervin Shlopnick.
Managing Director of Smell My Finger and Tape Worm
Mr. Positive – Sharing Your Thanksgiving Meal
Posted: November 24, 2009 by Ervin Sholpnick in Classic Comments, Cool Stuff, Demotivator, Food, Holidays, Humor, life, Mr. Positive, PSA, Thoughts, You SuckTags: anal sex, charity, Crack Whore, helping hand, Homeless, Meal, Midget porn, Puke, Share, thanksgiving, throw up, Vomit
Mr. Positive says…
“After this years big Thanksgiving meal. Throw up on a homeless family. They could really use the food”.
Happy Thanksgiving… Now get out of the way or I’ll cut you bitch!!!
Posted: November 24, 2009 by Ervin Sholpnick in Demotivator, Holidays, Humor, life, PSA, You SuckTags: anal sex, Baby seal, Crack Whore, Family, Holiday, Holiday season, Knife, Meal, Midget porn, seal meat, thanksgiving, Turkey
On behalf of all of us at Hot lard…
And the three midgets who like to touch themselves that we keep locked up in the basement.
We’d like to wish you all a very happy Easter. You know it’s this time of year we should….
Huh????
What???
It’s what???
Thanksgiving????????
WHY THE FUCK DON’T YOU PEOPLE TELL ME THESE THINGS!?!?!?!?!?!?
God Dammit! That completely changes everything I need to do now!
I need to get a bathtub of whip cream for the Hooker wrestling tournament. I’ll bet there isn’t one single virgin in the office to sacrifice, and who the fuck is going to hand out the Thanksgiving colostomy bags-o-fun this year?!?!?!?!? And I suppose nobody has gone out a clubbed a baby seal for the meal!
Fuck!
FUCK!
Well anywho, Please enjoy this time you will have with your family. And only think about how nice it would be to kill them all. Taking action on those thoughts can get messy and is very hard to conceal…. So I’ve been told.
Happy Thanksgiving
