This one is dedicated to Merrill Lynch and Bank of America. After losing nearly 15 Billion dollars in 2008, Merrill handed out 3 Billion dollars in bonuses to their well deserving executives.
Then went to Uncle Sam and asked for Billions from the taxpayers to help them stay afloat.
And now Bank of Evil…errrrrrrrrr I mean Bank of America (Merrill Lynch’s new overlords) refuses to let us know who this bonus money went to.
Way to go Merrill Lynch & B of A!!!
I was browsing the bicycle forums this afternoon (yes, I was… LOL) and came across another reason to believe Wal-Mart is pure evil.
Turns out, a woman was unable to bring her bicycle inside (probably because most bums would love to steal her $600 bike any chance they got). Apparently, Wal-Evil doesn’t allow outside bikes inside their stores because they sell bikes (mind you, Huffy and Murray … hardly to be mistaken for a bike costing more than $50) and it would confuse loss prevention and potentially bring harm to shoppers.
The point the woman made was something I wish to have seen.
I kind of lost my train of thought at that point.
More Hot Lard stories about the wonderful world of Wal-Evil.
It’s not often that you can look at the face of evil and live. But here it is…
Yes folks, this is the true face of evil. Meet Mr. F. This distinguished gentleman has reserved himself a very special place in hell for his actions. What this “Father of the Year” candidate did was kidnap his 18 year old daughter in 1984, hold her prisoner, repeatedly raped her and father his own grand children with her for 24 years.
Let’s slow this down for a moment
I want to make sure you all understand the amount of time we are talking about here. I said 24 years… That’s not 24 days, or 24 week, not even 24 months. 24 FUCKING YEARS!!!!. Here is a list of things that have taken place in that period of time to help you understand the extremely long amount of time this girl was tortured by this demon.
In 1984…
Regan was president…
The Cold war was still very cold…
Microsoft was not a house hold name…
Gas was 80 cents a gallon…
The Key-Tar ruled the music world…
Made in Japan ruled the day
American cars sucked…
Since 1984…
Two Shuttles have blown up…
Microsoft now rules the world with an iron fist…
There have been 24 Super Bowl champions…
There have been 23 MLB champions…
Kiss has had like 16 reunion tours…
There has been 4 president… From three different families.
Made in Japan has been replaced with Made in China…
American cars still suck…
Ok, so now I think I have made myself clear. For 24 YEEEEEEEEEEEEARS Mr. F. (That is what the police are calling him) (I believe the “F” is for “Fucking my daughter and loving it”) has imprisoned and raped his own flesh and blood and fathered 7 of his own grandchildren. The story goes on to say that it is hard to get information from this man’s…. errrrrrr oops I mean this Hitler Youth’s daughter because she is somewhat disturbed.
YAH THINK!?!?!?!?!?
If you would like, please take a moment a read up on Satan’s right hand man here.
My God, what fucking thought process does this guy use to condone such an act for this period of time.. AND DOING IT TO YOUR OWN DAUGHTER!!!???!?!?!?
Mr. F: “Hmmmmmmm, well the garage has been cleaned out and I removed the leafs from the gutters, the garden has been watered and I have fed the dog… What should I do now? I guess I could watch some Soccer… Or I could always pop on down to the torture chamber and ram my penis into daughters anus for a while”.
All I have to say is that I’m glad this poor excuse of a human being will be getting a dose of his own medicine.
After his (hopefully short) trial, this abomination will be thrown in a damp, dark, cell, (Like the one he kept his daughter in). And will hopefully be treated much the same way as he treated his daughter. In other words I’m hoping his dance card will always be filled… I see that some of you still have a blank stair on your faces. Let me put this in a way you may understand. I’m hoping the other inmates (All of them) spend the next several years gang raping this piece of shit. I hope he is force to have some much (Forced) anal sex that his ass could be used as a blimp hanger. And he has to swallow so much “Man Goo” no amount of mouthwash will be able to remove the taste. (As I’m sure no amount of therapy will be able to remove the 24 years of horror this girl had to live.) Do you get me now?
In closing; enjoy your time in prison Mr. F. Because it will be nothing compared to what the devil has in store for you when you are invited to his love kingdom.
Here is the latest helping of our world famous de-motivational posters. After this I’m taking a break… Think I’ll go to the House of Dung.
Click on posters for a better look.
The father of Super Tard has been found!
This photo shows Super Tard Sr cruising for chicks behind the local Slurp N Save in Scurvy Hills Utah.
When asked about his famous son he said…
“Pull my finger and lick my balls”.
Good luck sir and keep up the good work!
We asked Super Tard to comment on the discovery of his father, To which he gave the following statement…
“I like bananas…. I go make poopy”.
He then flew off and urinated on some small children walking a poodle.
It has been some time since I have replied to anyone offering me riches and wealth through my Gmail. It’s not that I have not been getting these emails, it’s just that I’ve been so darn busy with work. Like…………… Well there is……………….. I had to………………
OK, I’ve been busy hiding the bodies and masturbating myself blind.
Anywho, the staff at Hot Lard received an email from Pam White of the HD Publishing Group who is offering us…….. ummmmmmmmmm……………. She was either trying to sell us something or offer us a job. Beings I pretty much own everything I need and no job could improve on my position of a barnyard porn mogul. I felt it necessary to come out of retirement and fuck with Pam. Below you will see the email we received from Ms. White and my response.
Subject:
Great Synergy and Opportunities
Dear WordPress:
A strategic and comprehensive search for great affiliates with sites
that fit our niche, has brought us to you via your site at
http://www.wordpress.com/tag/background-check/.Since 1996, HD Publishing Group has been fortunate enough to have one
of the # 1 rated websites for search related inquiries on the web – Net
Detective. Because of our tremendous success and longevity, we’re
continually looking that that fresh new face to join with us as we
continue to bring our product to the thousands of new Internet users
who enter the market each day. That’s why we’ve chosen to contact you
directly and give you a brief overview of what our product can do to
bring your affiliate marketing business to the next level.* 69% commission from the 1st sale
* Long time trusted products
* On-time trusted payouts
* VIP commission schedules avaialble
* Custom landing and order pages
* Fresh Articles and Banner Creatives
* New Landing page templates monthly
* 120-Day cookies
* In-house Affiliate Manager
* Great Converting Search product updated monthly
All this adds up to continuous high conversions and maximum dollars in
your pocket!Join https://www.hdpublishinggroup.com/affiliate_signup.php HD
Publishing Group today and start earning the type of income you deserve.I’m looking forward to speaking with you soon.
Sincerely,
Pam White
HD Publishing Group
HD Publishing Group – Affiliate Signup, Affiliate Program Sign Up
pam@affiliatesuccess.net
Here is my response to Pam’s offer of putting maximum dollars in my pocket.
Subject: My Reply to your Great Surgery Opportunity
Dear Pam White,
I’m afraid that Mr. WordPress is out of the office. This is the week he goes to local Jr. high schools to talk to the kids about the evils of Internet publishing companies and rectal thermometers. He also uses this time to get his son a date to one of the many Sadie Hawkins dances the schools are having. Personally I think his son should be doing this himself. At the age of 37 he should know by now how to get a date with a 14 year old.
So at this time you will be dealing with me, Ervin Shlopnick. May I call you Peaches? I feel much better working with someone who I have given a name to. My secretary is called “Stupid Lisa” and my wife has been given the name “No Daddy No”. Peaches, I feel that you and I could make a great team and with your brains, resources, business knowledge and my dirty underpants collection. I think we could be ruling the Internet with an iron fist in no time.
I am very excited in learning what you have on at this moment, plus I’m some what interested in your offer. I do however have some questions.
120 days of cookies. Do I get to choose the type of cookie (chocolate chip, oatmeal, ect) or do you send me a different box every day?
Do I have to give room and board to the in house manager? Am I responsible for feeding him…. Or would it be a her? If it is a her, and she is smart, witty and works without pants? I’ll take care of all her needs personally.
Can the Net Detective help me find out if my girlfriend is cheating on me? She says she is just going to workout every day and that is why she comes home all sweaty. But that doesn’t explain the male ejaculate in her hair. I’d love to have the net detective to take some photos of her and show them to me while we eat the 120 day old cookies and double team the in house manager.
What does the “HD” of HD Publishing Group stand for? Is it:
Hum Dinger (That would be awesome)
Hump’em Dry
Hard Dingdong
Hands Dirty
Hardcore Downloads
Hate Date
Happy Drifter
Hole Diggers
Homo Domo
Heavy Drinkers
I’d also like to know a little bit about you personally. When is the last time you showered? Does your breath ever smell like old feet? Do you like putting live things in your pants?
Boy Howdy, I feel like we’ve known each other for years. So when can I come over to your house and eat some of your food? I’ll tell you all about Aunt May and her inner thigh boils. Can you make some food that has bananas in it? I really like bananas…. About as much as I like burying things in the woods at 3 am. But that is for another time and when we become lovers.
Looking forward to seeing you in my mothers orange jumpsuit.
Ervin Shlopnick
Assistant Associate Managing Director of Internal Affairs and Monkey Tricks.
Hot Lard Inc.
Will let you know what response we receive from good ole Pam.
The fake blstern is apparently having trouble with his teeth and so his dentist sent him me an email. Of course I had to respond to it.
Hi Blstern:
Dr. Solomon cut you a package deal at the time because he thought he would be doing your implants and your fixed bridge. I don’t do implants so I felt it was fine to let him do that work. When I was looking at your X-Rays I realized the only really good teeth left in your mouth were those that I have done fixed bridges or crowns on a decade ago or so. As your friend of over a half century I want to be the one responsible for your fixed bridge in the front so that I will feel confident that they will bury you with your own teeth. This in no way denigrates Dr. Solomon’s bridgework. He hasn’t been in the office long enough for me to know for sure about the quality of his bridgework. I have seen his implants and I was very impressed. The only thing I do know for sure is that I do incomparable bridgework.
I personally have more work than I can handle. I am not looking for another case. It is only for your sake that I am proposing to do the bridge. I have not intervened in any other case even when he is starting cases on patients that I have been working on for over a decade. I have spoken to Dr. Solomon about this. If you are able to pay cash for some of your case I can work it out with him that I do your bridge because in this way he will be compensated for the special deal he cut for you.
Most importantly I want to do what you want to do. If paying some cash is an imposition please let me know. If you are OK with him doing your fixed bridge as well as the implant please let me know that as well and I will stand down. Your next visit relates to the implant only so you have time to make your decision. I just wanted to give you a heads-up on this dynamic. You can e-mail me or we can talk on December 4th at your next visit although sometimes it is hard for me to get free.
Love,
r
Did his dentist really finish his email with “LOVE”? Well I had better reply in kind.
Dearest Sweet R,
Thank you for the email, but I’m afraid that you may have misunderstood what I needed. I did ask for you to look at a cavity but not the one that you are thinking of. I have some very serious rectal warts that are just killing me and I need someone to get in there and destroy those little bastards. I understand that your schooling is in Dentistry, but there really should not be that much difference between the two. We are only talk a distance of three feet south of where you normally work. You should be able to use all the same lingo that you normally do, like:
Open wide
Spit
I need to get my finger in therePlus I’m sure my breath should be the same to what you are used to.
So what do you say, could you help out an old friend and fellow Skippy the Love Beaver club member?I’d also like to talk to you about worshiping the moon god of blood and silly string. We could do this while you are working on my butt.
So how are you and the family? How are the kids? How many are you up to now? I know of:
Clem
Juetter
Skirvy Joe
Billy Bob Mary Joe Clementine
Skeeter
Rufus
Bug Face
Squirmy
Poops Alot
Milk Man’s Kid
Number #10
Open Soars
GaryDid I miss any? Give them all my love and an extra pound of whale blubber for X-mas from me.
Well I must go now, I’m visiting the urinal cake museum today. And then I’m going to rout through garbage cans for our meal tonight. See yah then.
Love and kisses
Blstern
I hope he can help me with my butt warts.
I just like saying that… “B U T T W A R T S”.
I’d like to start this forum by talking about the illegal occupation of the sovereign nation of Iraq and the evil administration that has caused so much COCK BITE HORSE SHIT FUCK MY COW…… RIP A HOLE IN MY ASS AND CUM ON MY GRANDMOTHERS FACE WITH……….. HORSE SHIT, HORSE SHIT, FUCKING DIRTY ASS SHIT BURGER FUCK SKUNK HAPPY WHORE. MY SLUT WIFE… SLUT WIFE…. HAPPY COCK…. COCK…BIT MY COCK. PUSSY PUSSY ASS BITCH PUSSY FUCKER HOLE ASS COCK RIDER…. CAT FUCKER… SHEEP… I WANT SHEEP…. FUCK ALL THE SHEEP…CUM HUMPER SHIT EATING FIST FUCK WHORE BUTT MUNCHER…… GIVE ME HEAD WITCH… I LIKE LITTLE BOYS.
We here at Hot Lard would like to encourage our readers to state their point of view to this forum.
Thank you
I received a questionnaire for my 25th class reunion … asking things like, “What have you been doing?”, “Where do you live?” … blah-blah-blah.
Here are my responses to the questions they asked.
And yes, I did send it in.
25 year Springville class of 1983 reunion
Name: blstern (a.k.a blstern). The L stands for hard work and squirrel pelts.
Children: Are the small people we created to show us how annoying we were when we were that age.
Address/email: No thanks, I already have one of each.
Achievement: After inventing the Post-it note, I moved on to running the country of Ecuador from my tool shed, I pretty much split my time between creating an agricultural landscape for global economics, putting down rebel revolts, and playing scratch off tickets at the Slurp “N” Save. I also invented a cow that could lay eggs. But, it turned evil and massacred a small rural town in eastern Pennsylvania. I finally had to put it down with an LSD laced salt-lick. (Which I also invented)
Anything to share: Oh thank God you asked I have a list.
- Sometimes, itching can be fun.
- Having more than 10 toes is just showing off.
- Water buffaloes can’t live under water.
- Clown school is not for everyone.
- There should be a prison for poor table manners.
- Nothing says “I love you” like a bathtub full of pudding.
- Chugging cream corn and jogging do not mix.
- Belly rubs are good for puppies … but not for road construction crews.
- If it weren’t for the gallons of blood and glass shattering screams; I could watch Grizzly Bears interact with humans all day long.
- Guns don’t kill people. People with internal alien brain spores with guns kill people.
Axes don’t kill people. People with interns… You get the picture.- Big Gulps. Man now there’s a story.
- You can’t spell “Happiness” without “Pines”.
- Minimum Wage may be Gods way of saying, “This is as good as it gets for you”.
I have more.
Please fill out all information you wish. It will be in a small book for all who come to the reunion next summer 2008.
Please send back by April 15 th 2007 Federal TAX DAY!!!
Email information to
XXXXXXXXXXOr send to:
XXXXXXXXX
XXXXXXXXX
XXXX,Please add what you would like to do for our 25th reunion.
We are starting to meet to get the reunion on its way.
Email or call if you would like to help. XXXXXXX
Help with reunion: yes no (circle one)
Can’t wait to hear from everyone!!!!
Best Wishes,
D
As of this time I have not received any response to my life achievements and thoughts…. Must not be invited. I knew I should have gotten my GED!
