In the spirit of the 2008 Beijing Olympics Games… I ate a dog.
My neighbor has no clue where his poodle is. I guess I could tell him that “Snuggles” is resting in my lower intestine about right now.
Little did I know that so much effort went into this picture:
I thought I could come up with something, but unfortunately if you don’t live in the greater Los Angeles area, you will have no idea what I’m talking about. Of course, if you’re savvy-enough, you can jump on dot-com and look it up. LOL:
I’m not a racist; merely a humorist.
– Count of Flanders
After getting nearly a thousand hits in the first 24 hours for our first set of Demotivational posters. We decided to come right out with a volume #2.
So here you go…. You bunch of sick fucks.
Click on each poster for a better look
To see out other Demotivational posters CLICK HERE
Check out these and new demotivational posters at our new site Demotivational Minds
Awww, cute puppy
Due to the overwhelming response we received from the previous “Never make it on I Can Has Cheezburger” photos. We decided to treat all three of you with another set of photos that will never make it on their site.
Click on photo for a better look
Talking kitties and puppies are fun.
See our other photos here
What really surprises me about these e-mails is at the volume they fill my inbox. I get a lot of them, meaning that they must work. Or they put me on some sort of scammers mailing list. “Hey this guy responded so he must be a sucker. OK we haven’t gotten anything from him the first 50 attempts but I’m sure there is a scam out there he will fall for.”
All I can say is there has to be some truly retarded folk out there that will think to them selves. “Hmmmmmmm, this looks like it could be the real deal. Why I must know tens of people that have received millions of dollars right out of the blue. Plus I could use this money to replace all the cash I sent my future Russian bride…. I wounder why she hasn’t answered my e-mails lately?”
Also I don’t get the people that have to delete these e-mails as soon as they get them. “Oh no, don’t open that e-mail or it will empty your bank account and rape your dog.”
The way I look at it is, they are trying to fuck with me so why not fuck back a little?
Well any who, I really don’t give a rats ass what any you think so here is my latest venture into the world of Nigerian riches.
How are you today with your business? Hope fine.
Please we apologize for any delay it has taken in remitting your fund across to you, It was due to our verification and enquires excise towards the origin of the fund, We are now ready and mandated to take good care of the remittance to you.
Please be fully informed that your fund is now with Econominc Community of West African states (ECOWAS) Ghana sub-regional office because we realize that some group of persons held your fund unnecessarily because some officials are corrupt and they make life miserable for most foreigner like you by extorting illegal fund from them without no reason therefore the ECOWAS which is the highest authority organization in the West African states has taken the responsibility to remit your fund unconditionally.
Please kindly read carefull the account below and return answer to us immediately. Remember we have a mandate to complete our transaction with you in other to report back to Ecowas meeting which will be held in togo before 15th day of March 2007.
Please the process of the transaction is that we have written an application for foreign exchange allocation to the Ghana Ministry of Finance because they are the instruct the bank of Ghana for foreign exchange approval before we can send dollar equvilent to you.
The Ministry of Finance will approve a foreign exchange allocation and submit final approval to the Bank of Ghana who will now give a final remittance into your nominated account below, because your fund has to be paid in U.S.Dollars and it is only ministry of finance has right to recommend and gave go ahead order for such amount of money going outside Ghana
We have to come to understand that after some bank official failed to extort further payment from you, they decided to divert your fund to unknown account in Thailand . Below is the account provided to the Ghana Ministry of Finance from Ecowas meeting held in Togo last week to approve for an exchange allocation of your remittance, Please kindly reconfirm and cross-check if it is correct once again before the final approval for payment commence.
Bank’s name: T.M.B.Bank Public Company Limited.
Bank’s address: 3000 Phaholyothin Road,Chatuchak,
Bangkok 10900, Thailand.
Account’s name: Chaiyawat Kunatham
Account’s no: 001-7-75977-0
Telephone no; 662 617 9111
Fax no: 662 273 7121-7124
Swift code: TMBKTHBK
Please kindly reconfirm the below information without delay if the above is wrong.
1) Your full name and Postal Address to send original documents after transfer
2) Yours private Phone for easy and incase of urgent communication
3) prove of Identification ( e.g) Driver’s license. national ID Card Or International Passport.
4) Occupation and Age.
Kindly call me for more directive as soon as you recieve this email. My email is : firstname.lastname@example.org Or call me +233 244 527896
Mr Joseph Robert Mensah
Chairman,International Monitoring Unit Department
Tel:+233 244 527896
Well slap my momma and call me Shirley , I had better reply to this one right away. Beings I didn’t really read the e-mail I had better ask him to explain to me what he wants again. They really like to do that ya know.
I’m not sure what this is about. Could you please explain to me again what I have to do?
Harry S. Crotum
The very next day he reexplained what he wanted.
Dear Harry S. Crotum
Thanks for your reply, sorry it took a couple of days before replying, we were trying to verify some certain issues,
Yes we are prepared to wire your fund to your account and that is the reason why i asked you to reconfirm if the account in Thailand belong to you.
Please since you dont want the fund to wire to Thailand, because from the details of your reply, i understand that you dont know anything about the account but i am here to let you know that this US$3M has been approved to send to you but some group of your friend sent this account in thailand for us to send the money on your behalf and that is why we want to confirm if you are aware of the account or does the account belong to you ,
I advise you provide me with your account information so that we can wire your fund to your account directly if that is where you wish the money to be remitted.
There’s no fees to be paid to my office as i know because we have verified everything to be correct unless the wrong account information in Thailand which need to be changed in your favour.
Please try and call me as soon as you recieve this email and do not hestiate to send your account required information including your postal address in in your country to enable us commence transfer unconditionally.
Kindly call me for more directive as soon as you recieve this email. My number is : +233-207 461003
Mr Joseph Robert Mensah
Chairman,International Monitoring Unit Department
Tel: +233-207 461003
I guess I should let him know a little bit more about me and how much I appreciate this opportunity of wealth and riches.
Mr. Joseph Robert Mensah,
Thank you for your reply; I was starting to think this was some kind of fraud when I did not hear back from you. But after looking over your latest e-mail, it appears this must be the real deal. Boy could I use this money! You see I’m confined to a wheel chair and have not been able to find good work. So it is hard for me to afford the proper medical care that I need, this money will go a long way to helping me and my mother pay our bills.
As far as calling you; we have not been able to pay our phone bill so it was shut off. I don’t even have a computer in my home; I have to check my e-mail at the local coffee shop that offers free internet service. So I’m afraid that I will not be able to call you. Will that cause a problem?
I bank at the first Mormon bank of Utah, in Scrotum Hills, Utah, the account is under my mothers name, but I am allowed to deposit my disability checks into it so I’m sure you can use that.
So how long will this take? I could really use the money for a new wheel chair and colostomy bag.
Thanks you so much for finding me and giving this good news to me.
Harry S. Crotum
Now what kind a heartless bastard could take advantage of someone like this? I guess this heartless bastard could. The same day I got this response from Joseph.
Dear Harry S. Crotum
Thanks for your email update. Please dont worry about calling me because i can afford to call you and we can discuss to any lenght based on the fact that the government is paying the bill.
All i need is for you to provide me with the following
1. Full name
2. Postal address
3. Private phone and fax number
4. Your identity proof
5. Bank particulars where this money will be deposited
as soon as i recieve the above mentioned, i will call you to let you know our next proceddure
Thanks while looking forward to hearing from you
Mr.Joseph Robert Mensah
Well, I had better fill him in on my day…
Sorry it took so long for me to get back with you, I had to leave the coffee shop when my colostomy bag ruptured and started leaking waist products all over the place. The manager of the store was quite angry with me. (This is the third time this has happened). Unfortunately, this is the only place in my small town that offers free internet. There is a three cup limit per-hour and that stuff goes right through me. I forgot to empty my bag before I went there last night and it filled up pretty quick and ruptured. But don’t worry, that will not happen again. I went home last night and repaired it with Silly Putty and duct tape and I emptied it this morning behind the Cuddly Care Pre-School. So I can stay here all day if I need to.
Here is a list of the information you need.
1. Full Name – Well you already have that. Although I’m not 100% convinced that my last name is truly Crotum, you see I have never really met my father and my mother has… Well, let’s just say she has lots of male friends. She insists that the one night she was with Raphael Longbottom Crotum was the night I was conceived. Beings I wasn’t there I pretty much have to go off of her word.
2. Postal address – 1647 Brokeback Mountain Lane, Scrotum Hills Utah
3. Private phone and fax number – Once again I do not have a private phone at this time. But I can use my mothers work number, just let me know when you want to call and I’ll hang out at the office. The number is 1-800-926-8739 (1-800- WANT SEX) (This is not shown in the original e-mail). Just ask for Linda Lovelace Crotum.
4. Your identity proof – Well like my mother says, “A picture is worth a thousand words”. So I’m including a picture of me. (Please see attachment) This one was taken after I lost all the weight. Did you notice that the word “tit” is in “identity”… man I’m horny. I’m also including a picture of my mom.
5. Bank particulars where this money will be deposited – First off you really should have used a coma between the words “particulars” and “where” to indicate a pause before going on. I had to read that line four times before I got its meaning. As far as where you can send the money, why don’t you just cut me a cashier’s check and send it to my home address. That way I don’t have to ask my mother for her PIN number. She always gets so freaked out when I do. She is all like, “You’re going to buy that smutty gang bang porn again aren’t you” and I have to say, “No mom, I’m not” but that is really a lie because I am going to get some new gang bang porn, boy howdy do I love that gang bang porn. I guess I could sneak it from her room when she is asleep, or entertaining another male friend. Let me know if the cashier’s check will work and if it does not I’ll get you her PIN number.
Well thanks for the opportunity to get rich; I can’t wait to be able to have my own room to surf gang bang porn in it alone. They get a little jittery when I do that at the coffee shop.
Waiting to hear back from you
My Picture after losing 25 pounds.
So then I wait and I wait and I wait and I wait…
A month later, I get this little surprise in my inbox.
Dear, Harry S. Crotum
Sorry i traveled out of country for an official assisgnment. Please what is the situation now? Kindly update me immediately to enable us know what to do to transfer your fund without any further delay
Mr.Joseph Robert Mensah
I decided to start off easy with my reply to see if I could keep this going.
Dear Joe Joe
It has been such a long time, I figured you had given up on me and this whole deal. I’m not really sure what we need to do next.
Please fill me in on what information you need.
Harry S. Crotum
The next day I got this response.
Hello Harry S. Crotum
Thanks for your replied email today. I appreciate.
I really understand all that you was saying but delay will be very dangerious because your business friends / Partner has ordered US$3M to be sent to Thailand and that is why i wouldnt want to have any third party into this matter.
This amount was taken out of your inheritance to thailand but we stopped the movement because we know you and your family are very nice and hard working people.
Please i wouldnt want to have any thing doing with third party that you because right now we dont know who is behind this evil act.
All that i need emegency is US$150,00 ( One Hundred and Fifty U.S Dollars) to proceed to court tomorrow to secure a clearance that will empower the authority to stop the transaction to Thailand.
Kindly send it immediately through the western Union Money transfer (ONLY) in the following name.
Mr.John Ogadimma Nwanyanwu
Address: Block 34B Apartment 9A, Adenta Housing Estate, Accra Ghana.
Test Question: For
Please for your own benefit, make every effort to find a way to send this US$150,00 because it will secure your fund and we can send it to your own bank account in part of the world without you travelling after the court clearance is issued to us. so all that you will do is to send your real bank account so we can send the money in your account after we get the court clearance document which i will send a copy to you for your perusal.
Call me back if you agree with this directive so that i will know what to do tomorrow first business hour.
Mr.Joseph Robert Mensah
I have this problem of not being able to go more than two e-mails without giving this person shit. (I also got a little help from Butwheaty on this one)
How can these evil people steal monies that is not their own? Do they not understand this money is much-needed here more?!?!? I bet they don’t even really need this money. They are probably some big company that likes to see other people hurt and beg for their lives by holding sub-machine guns at their testicles. I could really use this money for important things; like a new wheel chair and colostomy bag. Plus other necessary things like, swimming pools, adult web site subscriptions and whipped cream. We must stop these people at all cost!!!!!
Who is this “John” person you want me to send this money to? I have been dealing with you and now you are asking me to send money to someone I do not know. Before I do this, I would like to get more information on this person. Information such as:
• MySpace page
• email address
• photo identification (preferably holding their groin … unusual, I agree … but, I need to know that this person is *actually* who he says he is)
• next of kin
• favorite color
• least-favorite color
• operating system preference (Microsoft Windows, MacOS X, Linux, BeOS, DOS, Linspire, etc)
I think the above would really set my mind at ease.
Also is there any way I could get your picture? I just feel more comfortable dealing with a face rather than just a faceless individual on the Internet. Now, if you are some sort of freak that does not have a face and your picture would give me bad dreams, please substitute it for a picture of a prettier family member. Do you have a sister? Do you have a mother? Either would work, but if you could incorporate both into a photograph, that would be stellar. I am not familiar with your world area, but where I am from … it is customary for mother and daughter (or multiple daughters, if there are more than one) to rub their mammary glands together in photographs.
Regarding your request for $150.00 US Dollars, do you require this amount in cash? I do have the money (I’m a United States of America citizen after all; the USA discontinued general usage of anything smaller than $100 USD bills, coins have been outlawed, or deemed illegal in my part of the country). However, I have a lot of things around the plantation that is worth $150.00 USD that I would rather use. What goods, or services, are traded in your country (besides drugs, AK47s, and severed skulls used for voodoo)? I have a dog I trained to give my mom her regular medical injections. I’m sure the cute dog is worth $150.00 USD and I would be more than happy to trade her for your country’s money ($3 Million USD). She keeps chewing my colostomy bag open, which can become really messy to clean. I’ve included a picture of her for you to look at.
Please get back to me as soon a possible with the information I need to complete our business
I love you dearly,
Picture of the dog I’m willing to trade for $3 Million.
Still waiting to hear where I need to send my dog.