Hot Lard Kodak Moment – All I want for Christmas…

Here you go little Billy…  The blow job machine you always wanted.

Sometimes you just need to write it down

If you want something, but don’t know how to ask for it…

Write it down.

Hot Lard Kodak Moment – 86th Street

Dear Mom,

These are the two cops we all had to blow to keep from going to jail on some trumped-up charges. Thanks to your tips, I believe I was their favorite. (Who says having a whore as a mother is a bad thing?)

Besides that New York is great and I plan to be home at the end of the Semester.

Love & cum soaked kisses

Mimsy

(Midget Porn) Hot Lard Mad Lib Volume #8 (Midget Porn)

Official Hot Lard 1000 Hit Post

It’s time for another Hot Lard mad lib. Where we take all of the search terms of damnation and lust you group of anal assassins have come up with to find our cult web site of enlightenment and truth. And make them into a cute story of puppies, fluffy bunnies and crack whores with large black dildos rammed up their anal regions. (Shiver)

But this time around I decided to mix things up a bit. Instead of another boring story you can read to your illegitimate children. I used them in the form of a drivers test. The Iowa drivers exam to be exact. Why Iowa you say? I figured they have been shielded long enough  from you freaks and should be brought into the fold to suffer right along with the rest of us.

Once again how this works is, the bold and sick words are the ones you anus grabbers loyal readers have come up with. So remember…. Don’t blame me,  because you fucking wrote this!

Enjoy

Midget Porn takes a drivers test

Iowa Drivers and anal puke Exam

Below are fat woman that you need to pound heavily to be able to receive your Iowa crack pipe for the purpose of operation gay midget porn on state and national carpet munchers and vanessa hudgens. A passing score of dickchop must be obtained to pass this bloodrayne porn. Failure to do so will result in gay rape and anal leakage. This is not an open shart test. So no hot midget women should be present during testing. If the mullet babe is caught cheating during test, they will be immediately gagged with large cock and will have to repeat the ass torture.

Please look over the demotivational posters carefully and choose the slutty catholic girls you believe to be the best bukkaki to each one. If you get stuck on a double D crack whore, simply move onto the next fat Russian hooker and come back to it if cum gargling allows. In the case of a girl on toilet or sudden doctor anal probe, please alert the Nigerian porn/prostitute of your situation so they may ass rape a nun with a bottle.

Good Luck

1. When approaching a 14yo pussy in the rain you should first.

A. Look at hot porn

B. Experience fat people ass sex

C. Explain the advantages of man on man midget porn

D. All of the above

2. If you reach a jamie lynn spears at the same time as a chester the molester you should.

A. Hide from the fat angry woman.

B. Spread “butt cum” on her face.

C. Share your santa clause porn sex with all.

D. All of the above

3. At what speed is it safe to anal finger a whore with your bad teeth?

A. 55mph

B. 65mph

C. At any speed the rectal smell is not affected.

D. All of the above.

4. When traveling with large amounts of Wisconsin mudflap anal it is best to check your fat preteens for.

A. underinflated double fudgey boobs

B. Large amounts of corn porn

C. Youtube animal porn in your rearview mirror

D. All of the Above

5. When snowing you should check your “redneck reindeer” and lard whores for which of the following.

A. Unruly gay vampires.

B. The occasional tard pussy

C. Over inflated man boobs

D. All of the above

6. When is it best to bust a nut while fat gay midgets puke on lorena bobbit.

A. Anytime gay ass rape is involved.

B. As soon as the anal probe is inserted.

C. Only upon seeing your sister naked.

D. All of the above

7. When passing a wang wang midget that is having a public blowjob party with nude diaper wearing redneck mullet retards and upskirt nuns who have large blue vein boobs, you should look for.

A. Ass raping fat ohio state fans

B. Gang initiation during vampire midget porn.

C. Out of control my little pony cum shots.

D. All of the above

8. If you cross a scary retard while they are looking at the fat boobs of puke covered teens you must immediately remove the coke bottle up her ass with which one of these.

A. A cum drinking barney doll.

B. A midget anal finder

C. Fat tards farting in their diapers.

D. All of the above

9. When faced with a head on child molester mustache you should.

A. Warn all passengers that anal hurts

B. Ask for forgiveness for fist fucking a retard

C. Shoot your wad on the closes cum whore you can find

D. All of the above

10. What type of Rainbow Bright porn would you use when ass hammering a dead cat and gay redneck with your anal smashing mad alligator of love?

A. It would have to be a anal loving coke bottle

B. Make sure the anal whore is in the correct position.

C. Ask the Brokeback Mountain Cowboys if they would like to lick the cheese off the head of a dick.

D. All of the abo…. You know, if you answered D to any of these questions you are one sick fuck!

This completes the Ass Master portion of the granny midget porn. Please remove the bloody dildo from your fat ass and take it up to the chinese fat ass slut. You will be instructed on football gay porn and usa slut cum puke for the funny midgets portion of the test. If you have any questions on fat people in swimsuits or celebrities in diapers you will need to refer them to the redneck crack whores of the mirror sniffing women porn division.

(Midget Porn) Hot Lard Mad Lib Volume #7 (Midget Porn)

Official Hot Lard 1000 Hit Post

Here it is 12:01 am Sunday morning…

I’ve had a few glasses of wine, because that is what white people like and it helps quiet the voices in my head. I decided that I needed to do something fun to take my mind off of the snakes and spiders…. errrrrrrrrr I mean the grind of everyday life. So what better to do than look at all the really neat-o reference words you group of granny panty sniffers have come up with to find our wholesome, well rounded, God fearing, educationally political correct web site…. Had I mentioned I have been drinking?

After getting over the shock and aw of your words of sin and lust. I decided to create another happy little Mad Lib with them, so you could all share in the nightmares I will be having.

Once again how this works is…

The BOLD typed abominations words are yours (and may God forgive you all), so as you read along and start to lose faith in all of humanity…. Remember…. Humanity could give a rats ass about what you think.

Did I mention I have been drinking?

The cursed and hilarious misadventures of Midget Porn

One day Midget Porn was enjoying some good Puke Porn with midget women with fat asses when he notice that nude freak women like fat tard anal leakage while hot midgets have anal sex with animals and fat ugly chicks perform gay rape on crack whores with hot egg farts and lard in their crack.

So the porn apple ass had to come out of hiding and hire chester the molester to anal fuck the big headed midgets while the fat drunk women would compare cum shots of the nude retards. After which they would enjoy cheerleader puke on meximullets then sink their bad teeth into some fat anal.

The monkey midget thought it was time that redneck pussy and sick bitch porno united with rainbow bright and create some peter griffin porn for the cum drinking babysitter so she could enjoy some video game anal rape with the double d crack whore of the cross eyed prostitute tribe.

It was then that the woman farting on toilet was taken from the nude catholic girls so she may perform midget on midget porn with gay clowns and underground whores fucking. She agreed to this because fat porn puke and shit,piss,sex were more important to her than all the hairy midgets and greasy farts in the kingdom.

Finally ugly midget fucks hot woman rode in on his hotties in diapers to save the day. First he freed the hot ass girls fucking from the mad bitch. He then told the evil fat thong to shut the fuck up and eat his shit with corn bits and hot dikes. The people cheered when nude freaks with dirty diapers had to experience anal pumping by the one eyed hookers and gay cowboys.

The lard sex End

Read our other Mad Libs here

Hot Lard Ranked 550,426

We’ve moved out of the 600,000′s

How Jamies Lynn Spears got Pregnant

Hollywood is a twisted sick place.

Hot Lard Recommends the Nintendo Wii

It’s great training for those skills you will need for dating… or getting a better grade…. or getting out of a ticket… or getting that job you want.

EDIT:

I just wanted everyone to know that some Nintendo Wii news fan site web site found us using their Google Adsense account and is now endorsing Hot Lard.

Fucking brilliant … click on the image for the full view.

Ervin Shlopnick’s email exchange with Pam White of HD Publishing Group

It has been some time since I have replied to anyone offering me riches and wealth through my Gmail. It’s not that I have not been getting these emails, it’s just that I’ve been so darn busy with work. Like……………  Well there is……………….. I had to………………

 OK, I’ve been busy hiding the bodies and masturbating myself blind.

 Anywho, the staff at Hot Lard received an email from Pam White of the HD Publishing Group who is offering us…….. ummmmmmmmmm……………. She was either trying to sell us something or offer us a job. Beings I pretty much own everything I need and no job could improve on my position of a barnyard porn mogul. I felt it necessary to come out of retirement and fuck with Pam.  Below you will see the email we received from Ms. White and my response.

Subject:

Great Synergy and Opportunities

Dear WordPress:

A strategic and comprehensive search for great affiliates with sites
that fit our niche, has brought us to you via your site at
http://www.wordpress.com/tag/background-check/.

Since 1996, HD Publishing Group has been fortunate enough to have one
of the # 1 rated websites for search related inquiries on the web – Net
Detective.  Because of our tremendous success and longevity, we’re
continually looking that that fresh new face to join with us as we
continue to bring our product to the thousands of new Internet users
who enter the market each day.   That’s why we’ve chosen to contact you
directly and give you a brief overview of what our product can do to
bring your affiliate marketing business to the next level.

* 69% commission from the 1st sale

* Long time trusted products

* On-time trusted payouts

* VIP commission schedules avaialble

* Custom landing and order pages

* Fresh Articles and Banner Creatives

* New Landing page templates monthly

* 120-Day cookies

* In-house Affiliate Manager

* Great Converting Search product updated monthly

All this adds up to continuous high conversions and maximum dollars in
your pocket!

Join https://www.hdpublishinggroup.com/affiliate_signup.php HD
Publishing Group today and start earning the type of income you deserve.

I’m looking forward to speaking with you soon.

Sincerely,
Pam White
HD Publishing Group
HD Publishing Group – Affiliate Signup, Affiliate Program Sign Up
pam@affiliatesuccess.net

Here is my response to Pam’s offer of putting maximum dollars in my pocket. 

Subject: My Reply to your Great Surgery Opportunity

Dear Pam White,

 I’m afraid that Mr. WordPress is out of the office. This is the week he goes to local Jr. high schools to talk to the kids about the evils of Internet publishing companies and rectal thermometers. He also uses this time to get his son a date to one of the many Sadie Hawkins dances the schools are having. Personally I think his son should be doing this himself. At the age of 37 he should know by now how to get a date with a 14 year old.   

So at this time you will be dealing with me, Ervin Shlopnick. May I call you Peaches? I feel much better working with someone who I have given a name to. My secretary is called “Stupid Lisa” and my wife has been given the name “No Daddy No”.  Peaches, I feel that you and I could make a great team and with your brains, resources, business knowledge and my dirty underpants collection. I think we could be ruling the Internet with an iron fist in no time.

I am very excited in learning what you have on at this moment, plus I’m some what interested in your offer. I do however have some questions.

120 days of cookies. Do I get to choose the type of cookie (chocolate chip, oatmeal, ect) or do you send me a different box every day?

Do I have to give room and board to the in house manager? Am I responsible for feeding him…. Or would it be a her? If it is a her, and she is smart, witty and works without pants? I’ll take care of all her needs personally. 

Can the Net Detective help me find out if my girlfriend is cheating on me? She says she is just going to workout every day and that is why she comes home all sweaty. But that doesn’t explain the male ejaculate in her hair. I’d love to have the net detective to take some photos of her and show them to me while we eat the 120 day old cookies and double team the in house manager.

What does the “HD” of HD Publishing Group stand for? Is it:

Hum Dinger (That would be awesome)

Hump’em Dry

Hard Dingdong

Hands Dirty

Hardcore Downloads

Hate Date

Happy Drifter

Hole Diggers

Homo Domo

Heavy Drinkers

I’d also like to know a little bit about you personally. When is the last time you showered?  Does your breath ever smell like old feet? Do you like putting live things in your pants?

Boy Howdy, I feel like we’ve known each other for years. So when can I come over to your house and eat some of your food? I’ll tell you all about Aunt May and her inner thigh boils. Can you make some food that has bananas in it? I really like bananas…. About as much as I like burying things in the woods at 3 am. But that is for another time and when we become lovers.

Looking forward to seeing you in my mothers orange jumpsuit.

Ervin Shlopnick

Assistant Associate Managing Director of Internal Affairs and Monkey Tricks.

Hot Lard Inc.  

Will let you know what response we receive from good ole Pam.

Hot Lard – Ranked 629,416

According to Technorati, Hot Lard is Ranked 629,416.

Boy Howdy, I can remember the days when we couldn’t crack 823,644.