I’d like to hear from you on what you think of Demotivational Minds. Mostly I’d like to know if you think the posters I have been coming up with are funny or not. So I’ve created a poll you can take to let me know. This will help me to decide if I should continue doing this or put the barrel of a gun in my mouth.
Enjoy
Go to Demotivational Minds to take this poll
Beings Hot Lard is turning 1, we thought it would be fun to look back at some of the things that have made us the forth most popular web site on the Internet. So we are going to count down the top ten posts we have had in this first year of our existence.
Number #10
(Midget Porn) Hot Lard Mad Lib Volume #3
Created: October 23, 2007
Number of hits: 3069
This is the third volume of the Mad Lib series and the second most popular of them all. We placed the (Midget Porn) moniker on the title to celebrate the “number one” used reference word to find our web site. This post is a testament to the fact that if you print the sick and demented words of the crazy fucks that troll the Internet; you will get them to cum… errrrrrrrr I mean “come” to your site. After each one of the Mad Lib posts I immediately followed it with a very long shower and a day and a half of crying. Plus my soul dies just a little bit more.
If you read “Comments – Bring em on Bitch Part #1” you would know that I visited an Anti American, Anti Free Thinking, web site and was not allowed to comment on it because…. Well because the site was run by a douche bag that does not allow any opinions other than his own warped views. I know that sounds pretty funny coming from a guy who writes about barnyard porn and fart jokes, but at least I let you comment about them. So my only option was to make a comment to his interview on the Pakistani Spectator.
I was trolling the Internet the other day and thought I would check out the Spectator to see if there were any new comments to my interview. There were none. So I decided to check out Muhammad’s insane rantings …errrrrrrrrrr I mean interview and see if he commented to what I had to say. And to my surprise he did!!!!!
After that I felt I needed to get a good dose of America Bashing, so I went to his web page….. Only to find that is had been removed. My natural compassion for other human beings kicked in, making me concerned about Muhammad’s welfare. So I went back to the Spectator (because it’s was my only means of communicating with Muhammad) And made a plea to him the let me know that he was safe and well.
Thankfully he was, I guess he was so busy with forcing his ideals on others and make young men grow a 6 inch beard that he could not keep up his web site any more.
I left one more comment to him to let him know that we will always be good friends. You can see it below.
Click on the screen shot to be taken to the site.
Oops, a little bit more was added just after creating this post.
Must have struck a nerve…. We have reached Defcon 3
Beings Hot Lard has become the most popular site on the internet and cable TV; I have received several requests for interviews. People want to know everything from the secret of my success to the size of my colostomy bag. Beings I’m a recluse I normal turn down these offers of letting the world into my private life. But that all changed when the Pakistani Spectator came a callin’.You don’t get much bigger than this, Larry King can kiss my ass I have an appointment with the PS. (That is what their interviewees call them) Below you will see the request I received from this distinguished news journal and the following replies and eventual interview.
Plus a big Surprise at the end!!!
The Request
Interview Request
Hello Dear and Respected,
I hope you are fine and carrying on the great work you have been doing for the Internet surfers. I am Ghazala Khan from The Pakistani Spectator (TPS), We at TPS throw a candid look on everything happening in and for Pakistan in the world. We are trying to contribute our humble share in the webosphere. Our aim is to foster peace, progress and harmony with passion.We at TPS are carrying out a new series of interviews with the notable passionate bloggers, writers, and webmasters. In that regard, we would like to interview you, if you don’t mind. Please send us your approval for your interview at my email address “ghazala.khi at gmail.com”, so that I could send you the Interview questions. We would be extremely grateful.
regards.
Ghazala Khan
The Pakistani Spectator
http://www.pakspectator.com
My Acceptance to their fine offer
Let the interviewing begin baby!!!
Ervin
The Interview Questions
Dear , thanks a lot for your consent. Here are the questions for the interview. Please also send us a brief bio of yourself, and url of your site. Please send the answers at your earliest convenience.
Here are the questions:
Would you please tell us something about you and your site?
Do you feel that you continue to grow in your writing the longer you write? Why is that important to you?
I’m wondering what some of your memorable experiences are with blogging?
What do you do in order to keep up your communication with other bloggers?
What do you think is the most exciting or most innovative use of technology in politics right now?
Do you think that these new technologies are effective in making people more responsive?
What do you think sets Your site apart from others?
If you could choose one characteristic you have that brought you success in life, what would it be?
What was the happiest and gloomiest moment of your life?
Do you think [the use of Twitter and other social networking tools by politicians] is bandwagon jumping or what?If you could pick a travel destination, anywhere in the world, with no worries about how it’s
paid for – what would your top 3 choices be?
What is your favorite book and why?
What’s the first thing you notice about a person (whether you know them or not)?
Is there anyone from your past that once told you you couldn’t write?
How bloggers can benefit from blogs financially?
Is it true that who has a successful blog has an awful lot of time on their hands?
What are your thoughts on corporate blogs and what do you think the biggest advantages and disadvantages are?
What role can bloggers of the world play to make this world more friendlier and less hostile?
Who are your top five favourite bloggers?
Is there one observation or column or post that has gotten the most powerful reaction from people?
What is your perception about Pakistan and its people?
Have you ever become stunned by the uniqueness of any blogger?
What is the most striking difference between a developed country and a developing country?
What is the future of blogging?You have also got a blogging life, how has it directly affected both your personal and professional life?
What are your future plans?
Any Message you want to give to the readers of The Pakistani Spectator?regards,
Ghazala Khan
The Pakistani Spectator
http://www.pakspectator.com
My truthful answers to their inquiries
Would you please tell us something about you and your site?
After making millions in Barn Yard porn, I grew tired of the same routine and decided to branch out. My first attempt at blogging was a site called, “Cat Hook-Up”. This site was dedicated to cat dating. It was there to help shy cats meet other cats in hopes that they may find a life mate. The problem I had with this site was that rampaging gay cats were trolling the site looking for single and confused kittens that they could pray upon. So I shut down the site and started and new one called, “My Grandmother is a Cheap Whore”. I soon found out that a lot of states have laws that prevented people from viewing the photos I provide of my grandmother and me. So I moved onto working on a site called, “Recycled Food”, but it turned out to be a real crappy site. So I then started a blog called, “Check out what I did to your sister”, I had to change my name and identity after that one. As of this date I’m still receiving death threats. Finally I created Hot Lard and most recently Demotivational Minds. They pretty much suck, but they are legal and I don’t get as much hate mail.
Do you feel that you continue to grow in your writing the longer you write? Why is that important to you?What I find growing the longer I write is the pain in my hands. There are times I will work on a sentence for 6 to 8 hours and my hands will cramp something fierce. Normally I can relieve this pain by beating my dog and sacrificing its severed head to “Gorlox” the evil spork god of the underworld. Then I get back to writing my children stories and feel just find.
I’m wondering what some of your memorable experiences are with blogging?There was this time in Thailand; I was with two teenage hookers, a crack addict, a rabbit with distemper, three unshaven midget wrestlers, four disco coke heads with a box of raisins, one illegal alien from Jupiter, a 11 toed foreign exchange student with turrets, a sticky mitten, 14 bags of walnuts, three colostomy bags , 44 sticks of dynamite, A cow that could do tricks, and an East German paranoid mute with bad breath…. I think we wrote a story about a fish.
What do you do in order to keep up your communication with other bloggers?Blackmail
What do you think is the most exciting or most innovative use of technology in politics right now?The anal intruder 3000.
Do you think that these new technologies are effective in making people more responsive?Have you ever had your anal intruded by a power tool running at 7500 RPM and 240 volts AC? You’d be pretty responsive to just about anything.
What do you think sets Your site apart from others?Each day I bake a fresh batch of chocolate chip cookies and lay them out on the home page for my visitors to eat. If you don’t like cookies I also offer teenage Russian hookers.
If you could choose one characteristic you have that brought you success in life, what would it be?I can blow bubbles with my anus.
What was the happiest and gloomiest moment of your life?My happiest moment was watching the creation of my first anus bubble. It was a majestic site, a grand bubble, brown in color. The gloomiest moment was 13 seconds later when that bubble popped just inches from my nose.
Do you think [the use of Twitter and other social networking tools by politicians] is bandwagon jumping or what?I was twittered once by my priest, he promised me a candy bar if I let him twitter me and the bastard never came through. I really miss that candy bar. I thought the church cleaned that up. If politicians are twittering young boys now, I think it should be stopped. Unless they come through with their candy promise.
If you could pick a travel destination, anywhere in the world, with no worries about how it’s paid for – what would your top 3 choices be?
Any place but Pakistan, talk about a real dump! I would rather have my balls cut off and fed to me than go to Pakistan and have to breathe one breath of their urine filled air.
What is your favorite book and why?“1001 Anal Intrusions” It’s just a story I can really get into.
What’s the first thing you notice about a person (whether you know them or not)?Whether that have boobs or not. I prefer the ones with boobs.
Is there anyone from your past that once told you couldn’t write?Yes, it was because I never learned how to read or write. I refuse to write about it.
How bloggers can benefit from blogs financially?Ask a good friend over for some drinks and dinner. When they are not looking place a knockout drug in there food and wait until they pass out. Then take pictures of them having sex with a Great Dane or Llama and threaten them that you are going to put them on your blog unless they pay you great sums of money. Or make them have sex with you, if you are a sicko and like that sort of thing.
Is it true that who has a successful blog has an awful lot of time on their hands?I have a lot of hair on my palms, so I must ne a very good blogger. I’m nearly blind too… Wonder what that means???
What are your thoughts on corporate blogs and what do you think the biggest advantages and disadvantages are?I think that some corporate blogs are necessary. Anything that has to do with anal wart cream and colostomy bags should be blogged.
What role can bloggers of the world play to make this world more friendlier and less hostile?Kill anyone who does not agree with you. I believe that would alleviate a lot of arguing.
Who are your top five favourite bloggers?Touch me there
Pull my Finger again
Animals need human loving too
Two girls’ one cup
Is there one observation or column or post that has gotten the most powerful reaction from people?
I would have to say it was my post on the true love I have for Soccer. I can not get enough of that sport. You can check it out here.
http://hotlard.wordpress.com/2008/03/09/demotivational-posters-volume-8-i-hate-soccer/
What is your perception about Pakistan and its people?You do really good sheep porn there.
Have you ever become stunned by the uniqueness of any blogger?Are you stunned yet?
What is the most striking difference between a developed country and a developing country?The smell of urine is everywhere in undeveloped countries. Sometimes I wish we could be more like that here.
What is the future of blogging?Fart jokes.
You have also got a blogging life, how has it directly affected both your personal and professional life?
I’m sleeping with a lot more pre-teens now.
What are your future plans?Take a dump and then watch barnyard porn. Probably beat off and fall asleep.
Any Message you want to give to the readers of The Pakistani Spectator?Remember to always brush your teeth (or in your case tooth) and wipe your ass. Make sure that you never buy rotten camel meat at the market. The boogie man is real and is defiantly out to get you. You can not carry 12 British nuns on your back. Cat poop will cure cancer. My left nut can speak Portuguese. And always do what your mother says… Unless she is a she-devil and has sex with a talking mule named Roberto.
God Bless Mexico!!!
Now here is the best part… They actually posted it!!!!!
Dear and respected Blstern, you might be stunned that I am so glad to inform your that we have published your fine interview. I hope that it benefits you, us and the whole of blogosphere. Would you please be kind enough to mention your interview at your blog for your readers?
We would also like to exchange a link with you in the blogroll please. If you approve, please let us know so that we could include your link in our blogroll.
If you would like to introduce us some bloggers, whom we should interview, then please let us know their emails or blog address.
Please stay in touch, and guide us in our blogging journey. We really need your consistent and continuous guidance and support.
Thanks a lot from the roots of heart.
best regards,
- Hide quoted text -
Ghazala Khan
The Pakistani Spectator
http://www.pakspectator.com
Here is a screen shot of the page.
Just click on the screen shot to be taken to the site.
I’m so happy that I can be a guiding light for other aspiring journalist.
On behalf of the entire Hot Lard staff, we would like to thank all 4 or our readers for getting us over 100,000 hits.
Hey kids!
It’s time for another happy happy joy joy Hot Lard Mad Lib. This is where we take all the search terms you snuggle muffins use to find our web site of rainbow kisses and ice cream sprinkle rain showers. So as you rascals read along, you may find a word you used to look for that picture of two retarded midgets trying to have sex with a turtle. Or that site that shows somebody’s grandmother riding a horse… Or should we say, the horse is riding her.
So remember my group of monkey humpers, you wrote this.
Enjoy
Midget Porn and the Herpes princess
In the evening, Midget Porn likes to show his children demotivational posters of gay rape and large volume ejaculation on retarded midgets before they go to sleep. His littlest girl, Fat Thong asked if he knew any gay pirate porn stories he could tell. Midget Porn did not know of any, but he did know a good black hairy porn story he would tell her.
Once upon a time…
There was a fat girl with no teeth who liked to puke piss on hot girls butt cracks to get them to eat shit and slurp cum from a gay mans ass with a straw. She did this because she was unhappy with the fat ass whore that was ruling the land. She was an evil crack whore that liked camaro mullets, fat humor, and gay rape.
The only hope to free the kingdom was the brave and noble, Super Tard and his trusty sidekick man boobs. Together these two could ass rape any drunk babysitter that tried to anal probe hot gay naked emo boys and naked retards with their molester moustache. But first they had to stop anal leakage from destroying the midgets fucking festival of the shit pants tribe of the piss fucker people.
So the two heroes’s jumped on their fat ass hotties and masturbated all the way to the forbidden land of red neck boobs to find volunteers for the “blow job” party of the lard ass clan. It was there they met prince Shut the fuck up and his anal girls of the bikini crack round table. They were asked if they would join Midget Porn and Man Boobs in their quest for rick astley hot ass and sex initiation into gangs. They agreed and so the fat woman sucks balls brigade was born!
They rode through all the villages to wipe out fat people in public and gay midget porn that had plagued them. Before long you could not find any overweight woman trying to get raped while drunk or pissed on by ugly fat people with anal bottles and rednecks who like anal. They made the evil doers puke cum on fat dudes in leotards, this way they would always have to show the mark of cum teeth justice.
The evil queen was not happy and fist fucked retarded swimsuit models with strawberry shortcake and bad teeth. The people cried out, “When will the girl without bra take her glass full of piss and face paint the fat nigerian hotties”? All hope appeared to be lost… Until can i has cheezburger showed up with fat american whore and butt sex to do battle with the queen for the right to anal rape Rainbow Bright.
The battle was long a brutal;
some much fat porn and batman sex was lost. But in the end the retard sniffing a dogs butt would prevail. And all the gay midgets cheered. The double D Chinese hooker had been saved and gay astronaut anal sex would once again rule the land.
The shit, fuck, piss, End
You can see our other mad libs here
Word around the campfire is that a couple of WordPress blogs have book deals in the works. I think this is excellent news, as it gives the Hot Lard staff a number to work with when the Knopf Publishing Group comes knocking on our door with a wheel barrel full of cash.
If When they come knocking, we will be ready for them. We’ve got a good start on the table of contents. What do you think so far?
4.3: Count of Flanders accepts agreement to model for the University of Pheonix for internet-based advertisementsAs you can see, there are some chapters needing additional material. Using my newfound ability to foresee the future, I predict all will be fully-realized.
I sit and wait…
It appears that the news is getting around. The ultra-mega site Celebrity News is featuring the story of Ervin Shlopnick’s bid to be the president of the United States of North and Central America. It is also reported that this well read site is throwing its considerable clout behind Mr. Shlopnick and supporting him in his bid for the white house. When asked for comment the publisher of Celebrity News had this to say, “Where’s my rubber sheep”!?!?!?
Click on photo for better look.
Here is the first official presidential support poster by someone other than Hot Lard… and the Skank Hole strip club and orphanage.
Click on poster for better look
If you too would like to support Ervin Shlopnick for President, please click here
To see updates on the campaign click here
Dear Alexa,
Thanks loads for the really great screen shot of the web page you are displaying. That should get ’em coming out of the fucking woodwork to come visit the site.
Regards,
Ervin (Shit in my hand) Shlopnick
Click on photo for a better look
I’ve come to the conclusion that our readers are much smarter than we are.
I realized this after viewing the blogs of the people who have commented on some of our posts. Don’t get me wrong, these comments are favorable and they seem to like what they read. But when I look at their blogs I can see the great amount of detail and thought that goes into their work.
There are two bloggers in particular I’m talking about; Laurie and aniche. Two people that have been trolling Hot Lard for a little while and have had some really nice things to say about us. This made me feel really good about myself and our little corner of the Internet we have created here. So I decided to check them out and see what they had to say….
That is when it hit me…. I’m fucking stupid!
These two have created blogs that display the true love they have for their art. And it shows with such things as the big words they use like…
Telephone
Truck
From
Indiana
As you read their posts you can tell that they took great time and real thought to create. If I can not come up with my entire post before I finish my morning/afternoon/evening crap, I lose interest and go back to doing what I was before…. Most of the time that would be watching barn yard porn or cheese fart contests with the retarded kid across the street.
Not to mention that I have to use tags like, “Midget Porn” and “Crack Whore” to reel in my pervs readers. Where they can use tags like… ummmm “Smart” and “Not Dumb” to get their readers.
What does it take to be able to create an intelligent thought provoking blog? Do you have to have a really great job like, cafeteria manager, or animal semen extractor? Does your education have to go beyond the 7th grade? Or better than the Scurvy Hills community college diploma I have. I don’t know, and to be honest, I have spent way to much time away from my Barn Yard Vixens #9 video to think about this any further.
So before I go, I’d like to say thank you to all the intelligent bloggers out there that gives us things to think about as we read. If it weren’t for you, people like me may get delusions of grandeur and think we could become Brain Surgeons… or Meter Maids. Thanks for grounding me you bastards. But there is a place for us stupid bloggers too. We take the simple and dumb it down.That way everybody, from the ditch digger to the scientist can understand what makes a really good fart joke.
In closing if you want to see a picture of the Cookie Monster telling Bert to “Fuck Off” please click here and enjoy our site.
If you want a thought provoking well written post that will give you information on the world around you… Click here and look at the picture of the Cookie Monster telling Bert to “Fuck off”. You are thinking way to much and could use a brake. And be happy that stupid people like us are around to give you a laugh.
I’m the Robot and I’m going to nail these two community college girls.
Try that at Harvard!!!
