Why do I immediately think of the Twilight movies when I see this?
Archive for the ‘You Suck’ Category
Hot Lard Kodak Moment – Twilight
Posted: October 8, 2010 by Ervin Sholpnick in Humor, Kodak Moment, Movies, Photos, Thoughts, You SuckTags: Books, Crack Whore, drive in, Gay, Midget porn, Suck, Theater, Twilight saga, Twlight, Vampires
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My Thoughts by Ervin Shlopnick – Public Restrooms
Posted: October 7, 2010 by Ervin Sholpnick in Classic Comments, Food, Humor, life, PSA, Public, Rants, Thoughts, You SuckTags: anal sex, breed, breeding, Crack Whore, Fluffy Bunny, germs, insperation, Midget porn, poop, Public restrooms, Restroom, Suck my balls
I’ve been told that public restrooms are a breeding ground for germs.
That doesn’t seem right to me…
I believe that anyone should be allowed to breed in them.
Demotivational Posters #40
Posted: October 6, 2010 by Ervin Sholpnick in Best Of, Cool Stuff, Demotivator, Humor, Photos, Thoughts, You SuckTags: bait, blind date, demote, demotivate, demotivational, Demotivational posters, fishing, motivate, motivational, motivational posters, poop, posters, retard, special
Ok, two things here….
First, it has been a very long time since I have created any demotivational posters, so I’m sure these suck like your whore of a wife. Of course your whore of a wife sucks pretty good… just ask your neighbors donkey. So we’ll just say that they suck like you…. Where you’d only do it if you were forced to and you’d probably be pretty bad at it.
Second, I’m not really sure if this is truly volume 40 of the poster series. But I’m being lazy and don’t really want to check the site the see what number the last one was, so I figured, “Fuck it” I’ll just say its number 40 and run with it. Besides, if I skipped a few volumes, later on I can use those numbers and say they are the “LOST VOLUMES” and charge a shit load of money for them.
Not to say that our live stock….errrrrrrrrrr I mean devoted readers are stupid and gullible. I just think that I’m that much more smarter than you and could get one over on yah.
Enjoy, you turds.
Ervin
O-PORN-O’s
Posted: September 30, 2010 by Ervin Sholpnick in Animals, Best Buy, Best Of, Business, Celebrities, Cool Stuff, Food, Hotties, Humor, Jokes, Misc, News, Photos, Pranks, Public, Sports, WalMart, WTF, You SuckTags: anal sex, Breakfast, Cereal, Crack Whore, Donkey, Football, Midget porn, Ochocinco, porn
Hey Kids, Uncle Ervin here.
With the news that the cereal brand “Ochocinco’s” is giving out free porn with every box. (See link… http://sports.espn.go.com/nfl/news/story?id=5632476) I decided that we here at Hot Lard should get into the morning nutrition business ourselves.
So I marched down to our Marketing & Advertising department and immediately walked up to the most senior person and whipped him to death to prove my dominance and then explained to the survivors my idea. They all agreed that it was brilliant.
So without further ado…
Just in time for Breakfast
It’s Ervin Shlopnick’s Barnyard O-PORN-O’s.
The healthy and nutritious cereal for kids that doesn’t forget about the Barnyard porn lover in all of us.
The cereal that offers good things like…. Ummmmmmmm…Oats? And………. Uh… wheat stuff…. I think there is like some vitamins…. Like…. C….B…..uh B69….M…. and Q
Plus fun and exciting things like, Donkey on girl insertion. Man on Chicken tongue kissing. Cow, Dog, Elephant, Platypus, Emu, Girl, Goldfish, and Dung Beetle group sex.
But don’t take my word for it…. Just listen to these testimonials.
Random Man on the Street: “When I am scoping out the local elementary school, I have a lot of downtime. So I fill that with O-PORN-O’s. It’s Porno-riffic”!
Random Woman on the Street: “O-PORN-O’s puts the “Rape” in Breakfast”.
Random Soccer fan on the Street: “It makes me feel better about all of the male-on-male oral sex I give”
So kids, get out there and get yourself some O-PORN-O’s right now….
Ask your mom…
Ask your Dad…
Ask the dead-beat your whore of a mother is sleeping with this week…
Mug your Grandma…
Just get some fucking money and buy this shit.
Mr. Positive 04/20/2010
Posted: April 20, 2010 by Ervin Sholpnick in Best Of, Classic Comments, Howto, Humor, life, Mr. Positive, PSA, Rants, Thoughts, Tips & Tricks, You SuckTags: anal sex, baking, baking a cake, cake, Crack Whore, marathone, Midget porn, running, tired
Mr. Positive says, “Running a marathon is like baking a cake. No matter how tired you get.. there is cake at the end”.
Mr. Positive 03/29/2010
Posted: March 29, 2010 by Ervin Sholpnick in Business, Humor, Mr. Positive, Thoughts, Tips & Tricks, You SuckTags: anal sex, bow down, Crack Whore, Good job, Hello, humiliation, Midget porn, OOPS, pain, Positive, Worship, worship me
Mr. Positive says, “Someday the little people of this stinking planet will bow down and worship the ground I walk on. And if you displease me I will crush your bones under my shoe as you watch your loved ones suffer unimaginable pain and humiliation just to satisfy my blood lust for…. Hello…. Is this thing on???? Ummmmm… You’re doing a great job; keep up the good work”.
Mr. Positive 03/13/2010
Posted: March 13, 2010 by Ervin Sholpnick in Best Of, Humor, Mr. Positive, Thoughts, You SuckTags: anal sex, Crack Whore, forgot, Midget porn, Old people, Positive, Sorry, Thumbs up
Mr. Positive says, “The older I get, the mor
e I…. Sorry, what was I talking about”?
Mr. Positive 01/31/2010
Posted: January 31, 2010 by Ervin Sholpnick in Classic Comments, Demotivator, Humor, Mr. Positive, Thoughts, Tips & Tricks, You SuckTags: Cheat, cheaters, demotivate, demotivational, fail, motivation, motivational, motivator, Positive
Mr. Positive says, “When all else f
ails, you can always cheat”.
Demotivational Posters – Running is Dumb
Posted: January 8, 2010 by Ervin Sholpnick in Demotivator, Humor, Photos, Rants, Thoughts, You SuckTags: demotivate, demotivated, demotivational, Demotivational posters, Dumb, jogging, Mexican Food, motivate, motivated, motivational, motivational posters, motivator, Poo, posters, running
Running sucks…
It’s just dumb! Why the fuck run when you can walk or drive and get where you are going and not be out of breath.
Here’s few reasons why running is so dumb.
Demotivational Poster – Nightmares
Posted: January 7, 2010 by Ervin Sholpnick in Animals, Demotivator, Humor, Photos, Thoughts, WTF, You SuckTags: demotivate, demotivational, Demotivational posters, motivate, motivational, motivational posters, motivator, nightmare, nightmares, posters
Sometimes I will see a photo and say to myself, “Self, this is a demotivational poster.” I knew the second that I looked at this picture I was going to be wetting my bed tonight from the nightmare that it would bring… Ok, I guess I pretty much wet the bed all the time for no apparent reason… other than I like the feeling…. And smell…. But that is a story for another time.
