We’re Away…

Click picture

Caption Contest

I must know what this is all about.  Anyone have any ideas?

Thanks.  And You’re Welcome for the scars I’ve planted in your brain.

The End of the Race Card

It’s official!  Now that Barack Obama will be the 44th President of the United States of America, people of all minority types will forever be banned from using the “race card” to explain why they:

• can’t get a job
• are oppressed in the workplace
• are discriminated against
• shoot a rival gang member
• joined a gang

Do you hear that?  Now that a black man can become the President of the United States of America, the next time I hear about the “black man” or “hispanic” or “jew” or “redneck” or “Polack” or “native american/indian” whining and bitching about being held back due to race, you deserve to die should move to France because you are a lazy piece of fucking shit who wants a handout from your government … namely, Barack Obama.  He will gladly take the money your neighbor brings home and redistribute it to you.

Want national healthcare?  Barack will make it happen, along Nancy Pelosi.  They’ll give you as much as you need from people with jobs and a decent income.

However, once you get on your feet (if you do decide to stop smoking crack) and get a job… welcome to the real world.  Now YOU’LL be paying into the system and supporting your fellow lazy-ass American (or immigrant) with your wages.  And guess what?  Maybe … just maybe you’ll wake up and stop supporting Socialism Liberals.  Maybe next time, you’ll vote for smaller government and more liberties.  And don’t debate me on this because you know I’m right.

Oh wait, I’m going off on a tangent.  My bad.

I guess maybe the race card issue isn’t dead… maybe since Barack Obama isn’t 100% black (both mom and dad are black), that won’t be good enough for 100% ethnic minorities, if and when the issue presents itself.

Hot Lard Kodak Moment – A Bigger Mouth is Better

I can’t read the writing in the green field. But I bet it says…

“Helps you to swallow big American penis”

Those Japanese think of everything!

Taking a Break

Hey Kids,

Mr Shlopnick has some things he needs to do that will pretty much take up all of his time for the next month or so.

So I am letting you all know that posts from myself will dwindle off quite a bit for a while. I’ll try to stop in now and then to let you all know how I am doing and make a crude fart joke or two.

Thanks,

Ervin

Demotivational Posters – Volume #26

I thought it would be nice to come up with another volume of demotivational posters before the weekend. I also think it would be nice if twin Japanese hookers would cover me in maple syrup and play “slip-n-slid” on face. Ah, but this is a family site so there will be none of that. Just some wholesome and spirit lifting posters for our readers to learn from.

Enjoy

Do You Trust your Doctor?

Demotivational Posters Volume #20

Official Hot Lard 2000 Hit Post

Prison is a hard place; it gives you plenty of time to think.
About …

The errors you have made in life.
What you need to do to change your situation.
What soda maker produces the best shanking can material?
Was dropping the soap that third time in the shower just showing off?
Did “Three Testical Charlie” the convicted serial rapist have something in his eye, or was we winking at me, signifying I would be his next butt sex victim.

Well enough about my social life. The one thing that prison did give me time to do was come up with a whole slew of new demotivational posters to share with all my friends on the outside. Enjoy these. I’m not sure when I’ll get my next conjugal visit.

Till then…

To view our other demotivational posters, click here

Demotivational Posters Volume #18

Official Hot Lard 3000 Hit Post

A funny thing happened on the way to Monday morning… Yours truly had himself a birthday.

On Friday evening I partied like I was 25…

On Saturday my body reminded me I was over 40…

Sunday, I was still being reminded I was over 40…

Monday, I am still over 40…

Damn, I had a lot of fun on Friday!

Well my friends, here are some new Demotivational posters to hold you over until I feel better… That should be sometime in July.

Damn, I had a lot of fun on Friday!

To see our other Demotivational posters CLICK HERE

Letters to Hot Lard – WTF is that photo?

Official Hot Lard 1000 Hit Post

Hey kids,

It’s time once again to dip into the Hot Lard mail bag and read a letter from one of our happy little readers.

Today’s letter comes from Austin, and it reads…

Subject: Very curious

Hello,

There is an image at http://hotlard.files.wordpress.com/2007/12/wtf2.jpg that has intrigued us to no end.
What the fuck is that?  Is the muppet-like character from a movie or what?  Any information on the topic would be greatly appreciated.

Thank you.

Austin

Hey there little Austin. Thanks for the letter, and here is your response.

Austin,

Thanks for the email. We always love to hear that someone is actually reading our stuff.

I found this photo in my mothers panty drawer, (Don’t ask what I was doing there). It was in a envelope marked, “Ervin’s real 12th birthday”. On the back of the photo there was writing saying, “He must never find out about this! Hail Satan! All praise Checkers, the squirrel overlord of the underworld”.

So I’m guessing it has something to do with gardening and the weed weasel.

Hope this helps

Ervin Shlopnick

Thanks again Austin for your very good question.  Keep those letters and cards coming kids!!!