With all this talk of corporate bail-outs and the letting go of celebrity endorsers; I wanted to take this moment to let all of our readers know that Hot Lard is going strong. We have not lowered ourselves to ask for a free handout from our government. Plus I’m happy to say that all of our celebrity endorsers will be staying with us. As a matter of a fact, here are a few of the new endorsements for Hot Lard you will be seeing in news papers and magazines in the next few months.
It has been confirmed that famed super hero and adult diaper model, Super Tard has been hired by GM to replace Tiger Woods as its new celebrity endorser. Super Tard is best known for his work with turkey insemination and explosive bowel movements. Last year Super Tard wowed the world when he showed he was brave enough to spend the night at Michael Jackson’s house alone, with no pants.
GM would not disclose the terms of the deal, but it is widely know that Super Tard is quit fond of rubber balls, a warm glass of spittle and shiny things.
A GM spokes person had this to say about the signing of Super Tard.
“Super Tard is a shining example of what’s good about this country and he reflects well on the quality of GM vehicles. We are excited to have Super Tard as a spokes person for GM and believe his disabilities and uncontrollable urges to grab other people’s private parts will speak volumes about the product and this company”.
When asked, this is what Super Tard had to say about his new position.
“I gotta go make poopy”.
Good Luck to GM and Super Tard on this new venture.
On behalf of the entire Hot Lard staff, we would like to thank all 4 or our readers for getting us over 100,000 hits.
The father of Super Tard has been found!
This photo shows Super Tard Sr cruising for chicks behind the local Slurp N Save in Scurvy Hills Utah.
When asked about his famous son he said…
“Pull my finger and lick my balls”.
Good luck sir and keep up the good work!
We asked Super Tard to comment on the discovery of his father, To which he gave the following statement…
“I like bananas…. I go make poopy”.
He then flew off and urinated on some small children walking a poodle.
Supertard has struck again:
It has waited an eternity with baited breath…..
Looking for the right moment…..
To show the world the symbol of true terror…
It’s time for a beloved super hero to face his greatest challenge….
No amount of training…
No amount of skill…
No amount of drool…
Can prepare him for the terror that lies ahead.
Hot Lard Studios is proud to present…
The battle begins Fall 2007
This time, the poo will fly… really it will fly… these guys have flying poo… and they like to thow it too. Like those stupid-ass spider monkeys you love to hit with bricks. God I hate those little fucking things!! But you will love this movie … even with all the spider monkey flying poo.
No one really knows the true origins of Super Tard.
Where he came from?
Who he is?
How long has he been here?
Does he wear Depends?
All we have are some snapshots and original art work that suggests that Super Tard has been around for some time and has done some pretty amazing things. Not to mention has taken part in historical events.
What I would like to do is display some of the archived information (photos/art work) that Hot Lard has gathered on Super Tard over the years. We are bringing them forward to you to show the true greatness of this handy-capable super hero.
Fall of the Berlin wall
In this photo you can see Super Tard flying past the wall as it is being brought down. Nobody really knows why Super Tard was flying around the East German side of the wall that day. But is has been rumored that he was there to either make East Germany surrender. Or he heard that East Germany had really good Italian food.
Bonnie & Clyde
This is believed to be the original of the famous photo taken of the two bank robbers. Super Tard had been working undercover for the FBI to help them get information on these two. At the time of this photo Super Tard had infiltrated the gang and was acting like a member. The photo was later altered to remove Super Tard from it to protect his identity. Also, one thing we have learned from this photo is that one of Super Tards super powers is the ability to appear in color no matter what type of photo it is. Amazing, truly amazing.
Kennedy Assassination
When the report of the assassination of the president was originally release; this photo was not included in it. It’s hard to see, but there appears to be a shadowy figure (Upper right) standing behind the wall on the grassy knoll. Some say Super Tard was there to warn the president of his impending doom. Others think he was cheering what he thought was a monster truck rally.
Moon Landing
History states that Neil Armstrong was first man on the moon. Bullshit! Super Tard was there waiting with a flaming bag of dog crap.
Mt St. Helen
It’s hard to see, but in the upper left hand corner of this photo you can see something… or someone flying out of the pyroclastic cloud just before the mountain blew.
Titanic
During the filming of the movie Titanic, it was thought by the producers that the movie did not have enough star power for the bloated budget. So Super Tard was asked to make a cameo appearance.
Racing
This is a shot of Super Tard winning the Indy 500.
Football
During his college days, Super Tard did play a little ball. He played special teams and was used mostly on the field goal blocking team. Due to his below average IQ Super Tard had to attend a school that was used to dealing with much less intelligent students. He went to the University of Texas.
Hanging with Celebrities
This is a picture of Super Tard lifting Paris Hilton over his head… Or he is punching her in the boob. Were not really sure… Whichever it is she is still a skank.
Another TV Spot
Here is Super Tard making his first appearance on the Simpson’s. He has made 763 other appearances.
Battle Photo
This is a dramatic photo of Super Tard doing battle with Evil Jimmy Hendrix. We were told that the battle raged on for days and the only thing that saved Super Tard was the fact he had to go make poopy and forgot what he was doing. So he laid down a took a nap. Evil Jimmy Hendrix got bored of waiting for him and left to parts unknown. But he is still out there and some day these two will have to meet again.
Apple Computers
It is widely believed that Super Tard was one of the original developers of the Apple computer. What you see here is what thought as the first logo design for the company. An angry and egocentric Steve Jobs could not live with Super Tard being better known than he was. So he took a loan from Bill Gates and bought out Super Tards share of the company. Soon after that his likeness was removed from the logo.
Revolutionary War
In 1996 while doing restoration work on this painting, a figure was discovered under the paint. It appears that the original painting had been altered for reasons unknown. Magnetic imaging x-rays were taken of the painting to see what the figure was. After doing so the government stepped in and halted all further work on the famous art work. This is believe to be one of the images taken.
Dawn of Time
This is possibly the oldest evidence of Super Tards existence. These cave drawing clearly depict Super Tard as, “King of the Dinosaurs”.
As of this time this is all the evidence we have on Super Tard. We here at Hot Lard will keep searching for the truth. If you have any information that could help us in this search, please let us know.
Don’t miss the Super Tard Movie and Bed Time story.
As the resident-doctor of Hot Lard, I’ve recently been asked numerous questions about Super Tard. The most frequent and disturbing has been how do you know he’s super?
For some reason no one asks if he is a tard.
I have observed Super Tard, and I can state that Super Tard is indeed super. I have never before in my 27 years of medical practice seen a tard snort Elmers glue faster, drool more, eat more worms, or repeat ae;lkascv quicker than Super Tard.
Folks, he is the real deal. He’s not just some normal run-of-the-mill I-picked-my-butt-and-ate-it tard. I urge everyone to take a few minutes and watch him in action … we urge you to point and laugh while he does great things, like poke dead cats and search for poop.
Dr. Tadjur
ADHD Certified (editor: crazy)
In this weeks exciting adventure. Super Tard types a letter…
oiq34290e23klsda SA MLK 21DA32890432KJ13I9999!@##@!$!@f
wef!@#$%!@%
dfvwq
=EDFRVMK,EAQ!!@##@#$@$@
p00p
Tune in next week as Super Tard discovers where poop comes from.
GO GO SUPER TAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARD!
We’re Away…
Posted: September 4, 2009 by Ervin Sholpnick in Animals, animations, Apple, Bedtime Story, Best Buy, Best Of, Best Wishes, BitTorrent, Blogroll, Books, Business, Caption Contest, Celebrities, cheezburger, Christmas, Classic Comments, Cool Stuff, Demotivator, DotD, Drinking, Email Scams, Ervin Shlopnick for President, Fan Mail, Food, Forum, FotD, Government, Halloween, Holidays, Hot Lard's Birthday, HotD, Hotties, Howto, Humor, Internet, Jokes, Kodak Moment, life, Links, Mad Lib, Mediacom, Microsoft, Misc, Movies, Mr. Negative, Mr. Positive, Music, News, Nintendo, Occult, Of The Year nominee, Owies, Photos, Poetry, Politics, Pranks, PSA, Public, Quick Movie, Rants, Religion, Research, reviews, Shaming, Social, SPAM, Sports, Super Tard, Tech Support, Thoughts, TinyPic, Tips & Tricks, TV, Uncategorized, Video, Video games, WalMart, Worst Of, WTF, Yahoo, You Suck, YouTubeTags: We're Away
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