We’re Away…

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Mr. Positive 07/16/2009

Mr. Positive says, “I think…. No wait, I believe…. Wait…. hmmmm I give up”.

My Thoughts by Ervin Shlopnick – Unfulfilled Dreams

I’ve decided to give up my life long dream of becoming a world famous “Port-O-Potty Spelunker”.

I’ll have to just settle with my current career of forcing young drug addicted teenage runaways into a life of barnyard porn.

Thank goodness for crack.

Hot Lard Kodak Moment – Impress Your Date

This reminds me of the love sonnet I wrote for my ex-girlfriend…

Since meeting you it is hard to deny

The feelings growing in me will never die

You are my morning, my evening, and my April rain

You’re my warm winters evening by the fire; when we are apart my heart pains

It’s alarming how my love for you is growing at such a fast pace

Whenever I see you, I want to crap on your face.

Hot Lard’s Top Ten Posts – #10

Beings Hot Lard is turning 1, we thought it would be fun to look back at some of the things that have made us the forth most popular web site on the Internet. So we are going to count down the top ten posts we have had in this first year of our existence.

Number #10

(Midget Porn) Hot Lard Mad Lib Volume #3

Created: October 23, 2007

Number of hits: 3069

This is the third volume of the Mad Lib series and the second most popular of them all. We placed the (Midget Porn) moniker on the title to celebrate the “number one” used reference word to find our web site. This post is a testament to the fact that if you print the sick and demented words of the crazy fucks that troll the Internet; you will get them to cum… errrrrrrrr I mean “come” to your site. After each one of the Mad Lib posts I immediately followed it with a very long shower and a day and a half of crying. Plus my soul dies just a little bit more.

See the rest of the top ten here

Kurt Cobain Wishes Hot Lard a Happy Birthday

Hey Hot Lard, Kurt Cobain here. I’d love to wish you a happy birthday and say what a great site you have there… But I’m dead.

Shot myself… Blew my head clean off. I’d like to say that thinking back that probably wasn’t a very good idea… But I blew my brains out, so I don’t do much thinking anymore.

*Awkward Silence*

Well, gotta go, the Devil wants to ass rape me again. Suicide sucks, but Hot Lard is great!!!

Happy Birthday

See our other B-day wishes here

Classic Comment of the Week – Shanking with my…

We are starting a new series of posts here at Hot Lard (HL to our friends…. if we had any) We are calling it Classic Comment of the Week. (or CCOTW)

We get some very funny comments from our readers and I feel it a real shame that they may not be getting shared with all of you. So whenever a really good comment comes in (starting now) we will post it and give you praise for the sick and  twisted person you are.

This weeks praise goes to gijew for his defense of our latest version of Demotivational posters. You see, it appears that someone by the name of Heath did not like our poster on “Exploration” and he called me a bad person. Thankfully the staff of HL stepped in and bitch slapped Heath up and down the street. But the real kick in the balls came from gijew.  He finished this guy off with no mercy whatsoever and for that we salute you!

You can take a look at the comments in the screen shot below, (The honored comment is number 6) or you can find them here

I just chose to do the shanking with my penis…. CLASSIC!!!!!

Keep em coming and we’ll post em.

Hot Lard has passed the 100K mark!

On behalf of the entire Hot Lard staff, we would like to thank all 4 or our readers for getting us over 100,000 hits.

(Midget Porn) Hot Lard Mad Lib Volume #6 (Midget Porn)

Official Hot Lard 2000 Hit Post

OK you freaks, it has been some time since we have done a Mad Lib. I was hoping that your search terms would get a little better. But they did not…

You are still the sick ass freaks we have grown to love and stalk. Once again how this works is…. The bold type words are the ones YOU pantie sniffers have used to find our little site here. So as you read along remember…. YOU FUCKING WROTE THIS, YOU SICK ASS BASTARDS.

Enjoy.

The continuing anal adventures of Midget Porn

One day Midget Porn was watching home made videos of ANAL LEAKAGE and whore sex when he realized that he had not had any youtube anal with hot fat girls while american retards scraped their rectal warts onto bitch girls with fat asses, who like large man boobs on their russian porn crack whores.

So he put on his girl mullet and set out with a group of nude freaks in search of free gay midget porn that could be used with fat retards that need fat sex girls to puke on naked retards in hopes that fat naked midgets would bring ugly fat women to swallow loads of Nigerian love cream.

Then from out of nowhere a group of marauding crazy midgets and their drunk whale girls started a savage anal attack in a no anal zone on the HOT ASSES of the Horney Russian retards. They used crack whores on the cookie monster so he would enjoy lesbian sniff farts with shit in a toilet bowl.

All the Large breasted women could do was to give up their fat crack whores to the Cloverfield monster and its many midgets fucking fat women. It was a sad time until the horse sex brigade rode in on their russian pussy and forced midget anal sex and sex puke on the marauders. Making them leave it to beaver with midgets and animals porn all the way back to the topless sister and her big pussy retard.

The puking on face End

My Thoughts by Ervin Shlopnick (Thanksgiving Meal)

As I set in my chair completely stuffed with turkey, ham, mashed potatoes, yams, stuffing, pumpkin pie and many more wonderful things that were set on the table. I started to think to myself; this meal that I just gorged myself with today may be more food than some people get to eat in a week. Why should I get to set here in a chair feeling miserable from all the food I ate, while others are out there are just trying to get by.  Not knowing where their next meal will come from, or if they will make it to the next day. Maybe I should do something for these people. Maybe I should get out of this chair, button up my pants and walk down to the nearest homeless shelter and see what I can do and who I can help. It is time that I give back to the less fortunate and for once help them to see how grand life really can be.

But first I need to take a major dump. You know the kind I’m talking about. One that will clog any normal sized toilet and kill any small animals or children that may be trapped in the room.  This will be an “A-1” first class Thanksgiving dump with all the trimming. When I’m done there will be no wall paper on the walls, the city pipes will burst and I may not have any bones left in my body. It will be decades before they will be able to use this restroom again.

After that I may have myself another “small” piece of pie… And maybe a little turkey, and ham, some stuffing with gravy….. Could do some yams and sweet potatoes along with some green beans and corn…. That turkey leg bone the dog is gnawing on looks pretty good too.  What’s this in my pocket? A check made out to “Starving Kids” in Cambodia????  When did I fill this out??? More importantly what the fuck was I thinking? I have my Skin-a-max bill to pay, can’t live without my soft core porn you know.

Ahhhhhhhhhhh, what a good day, maybe I’ll take a nap and then poop some more.