Plans for New Years Eve?

So, it’s about time to starting drinking.  If you haven’t stopped by the liquor store to pick up your stash, you had better run because the pickings are sure to be slim.

So, what’s everyone doing this year?

Are you going over to Uncle Ted’s house for a night of Pitch and watching Carson “Tool” Daly present Adam Lambert to a crowd of horny hetrosexuals in Times Square?

Or, are you going to the bar to try to score with similarly-desperate female by using the pickup line, “Hey, wanna hunt for bear?”.  Which, by the way, I’m told works quite well because chics don’t expect such a crazy line like that.

Or, are you going to be trying to do doing this?

I hope everyone reading has a safe, yet fun (shown above) New Years Eve!!

We’re Away…

Click picture

Hot Lard Kodak Moment – Hello Kitty!

It’s such a shame that what was probably a good idea on paper, failed miserably in real life.  Then again, it could just be because she’s ugly.

Hot Lard Kodak Moment – Piñata Edition

This deserves a caption contest, or something.  Post your ideas in the comments.

Classic Comment of the Week – Shanking with my…

We are starting a new series of posts here at Hot Lard (HL to our friends…. if we had any) We are calling it Classic Comment of the Week. (or CCOTW)

We get some very funny comments from our readers and I feel it a real shame that they may not be getting shared with all of you. So whenever a really good comment comes in (starting now) we will post it and give you praise for the sick and  twisted person you are.

This weeks praise goes to gijew for his defense of our latest version of Demotivational posters. You see, it appears that someone by the name of Heath did not like our poster on “Exploration” and he called me a bad person. Thankfully the staff of HL stepped in and bitch slapped Heath up and down the street. But the real kick in the balls came from gijew.  He finished this guy off with no mercy whatsoever and for that we salute you!

You can take a look at the comments in the screen shot below, (The honored comment is number 6) or you can find them here

I just chose to do the shanking with my penis…. CLASSIC!!!!!

Keep em coming and we’ll post em.

Hot Lard has passed the 100K mark!

On behalf of the entire Hot Lard staff, we would like to thank all 4 or our readers for getting us over 100,000 hits.

SPAM Email of the Day for 2008-Apr-14

Does this mean I will look good in pants like these?

Because seriously, this isn’t me … i just want to know if Dick Cheney can make me look good in pants very similar to these.  He won’t shoot me will he?  If he does, I might be inclined to do this:

Keystone rocks!

– Count of Flanders

The Grinch (Wal-Mart) Grows a Heart… ?

Envious of the Whos’ happiness, the Grinch makes plans to descend on the town and, by means of burglary, deprive them of their Christmas presents and decorations and thus “prevent Christmas from coming”. However, the Grinch learns in the end that despite it’s success in stealing all the Christmas presents and decorations from the Whos, Christmas comes just the same. Wal-Mart errrrr we mean the Grinch then realizes that Christmas is more than just gifts and presents. Wal-Mart’s heart grows three sizes larger, they returns all the presents and trimmings, and is warmly welcomed into the community of the Whos.

And all it took was for this giant company to take a distraught and shattered family all the way to the Supreme Court and millions of potential shoppers to cry out how evil they were, for them to realize, “Hey, the executives can live without that third espresso machine”.  Well done guys… Well done. (I can say guys because we all know there are no women in the decision making positions at Wal-Evil).

And they all lived happily ever after.

To see our first post on this click here

Has anyone noticed that Baseball Season has started?

In case you haven’t noticed (and my guess is that you haven’t), the Major League Baseball season has started … in Japan. WTF is up with that!?!?!?

Well anyway, I’d like to be the first to let baseball know that nobody fucking cares the season has started because the league sucks!  Hmmmmmmm, let me guess … the New York Yankees and the Boston Red Sox franchises are the favorites to spend the most money errrrrrrrrrrrrr … I mean, win the World Series.  Of course in baseball, those two phrases pretty-much mean the same thing.

Congratulations Baseball on another season where five revenue-generating teams are competing for the championship while the rest of the league break-in their really good players only to have them be bought by one of those five teams next year.

I guess all I can hope for is that THIS IS THE YEAR that one of your roided-up players will finally explode on national TV.  Or snap and take out the first two rows of fans with a meat clever. (If there are actually that many in the stands that is)

PLAY BALL!!!

One good thing about the start of baseball season… It means that Football season is only four months away.

My Thoughts by Count of Flanders – Fatherhood

I have high hopes for my daughter.

So far, things are going swell.  She’s a very smart 2 and a half year old little girl.  She knows her ABCs quite well.  She can distinguish between boys and girls.  She can point out animals in all her books.  She is very observant while in the car; recognizing landmarks when we past them.

I dream of the future; I think about preschool.  Pretty soon, I will need to clear off some space on the refrigerator to accommodate additional artwork.  I look forward to reading “real” stories and having her hang on my every word.

Not long after preschool books, she’ll be coming home from school to sit down with a good Judy Blume or Beverly Cleary book after her math, science, and reading homework.  She’ll begin asking asking questions about this-that-and-the-other thing.  Good stuff.

Jumping ahead … she’ll have friends over for sleepovers; she’ll join her friend’s house for a sleepovers.  SPORTS!  Oh my, I almost forgot … of course she’ll be active in any sport she’s interested in participating.  Her mom and I will support whatever activities blow her hair back.

If she wants to be a cheerleader in high school; great, it would be a good experience for her.  She’d learn the value of teamwork in either cheerleading or a sport.  I’ll get to put her boyfriend though hell … that will be funny.

Hopefully, she’ll attend college to better-prepare herself for the real world.  Hopefully, her mother and I have done a good enough job to prevent the following thing from happening:

I will kick the shit out of her.