I like Pie

I like pie

We’re Away…

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Hot Lard Kodak Moment – ZOINKS!

Golly, he must really love this song.

Hot Lard Kodak Moment – AC/DC New Album Cover

I thought these guys were dead…

Hot Lard’s Top Ten Posts – #1

Number #1

Video of Hillary Duff Flashing People at a party

Created: April 23, 2008

Hits: 24,313

Boobies, Tah Tahs, Sweater Cows, Fun Bags, Head Lights, Milk Jugs, Meat Pillows…

If you say you have some naked tits, people will come. And if you say you have the naked tits of a child star, they will beat down your door and rape your dog to see them. That is exactly what must have happened with our most popular post (By Far) here at Hot Lard. We mentioned that we had a video of Hillary Duff flashing someone with a video camera and the readers ate it up. They started to trickle in at first, but then that trickle turned into a constant pouring of horney little internet nerds trying to catch a glimpse of Miss Duff’s, “Whoopee Cushions”. The only problem is that they came to our site to find them.

Silly Rabbit, tits are not for kids.

See the rest of the top 10 here

Amy Winehouse Wishes Hot Lard a Happy Birthday

Ummmmmmm, yes… hmmmm let’s see…

I’ll take a bucket of chicken and a double beef and bean burrito with a large side of chips and…. Huh??? What???? I’m doing what???

WHAT THE FUCK IS A HOT LARD?!?!?!?

Fuck you I’m not coming out of the closet, the killer spiders are out there.

Well anyway happy Easter to all of my fans and… Wha…. It’s not… I’m supposed to do what?

WHAT THE FUCK IS A HOT LARD?!?!?!?

I don’t want to do a PSA…. Oh fuck it give me the script…

Hey kids, don’t do drugs………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….  Let them do you!!! HAHA HA H AH EEE HAH ERRRRRRRRR UGH HAW HAW ACK ACK …. Oh crap I just puked on myself again. Someone get me a towel…. Oh and get this fucking needle out of my arm!!!!

Huh…..?

WHAT THE FUCK IS A HOT LARD?!?!?!?

See our other B-day wishes here

Kurt Cobain Wishes Hot Lard a Happy Birthday

Hey Hot Lard, Kurt Cobain here. I’d love to wish you a happy birthday and say what a great site you have there… But I’m dead.

Shot myself… Blew my head clean off. I’d like to say that thinking back that probably wasn’t a very good idea… But I blew my brains out, so I don’t do much thinking anymore.

*Awkward Silence*

Well, gotta go, the Devil wants to ass rape me again. Suicide sucks, but Hot Lard is great!!!

Happy Birthday

See our other B-day wishes here

Hot Lard has passed the 100K mark!

On behalf of the entire Hot Lard staff, we would like to thank all 4 or our readers for getting us over 100,000 hits.

Video of Hillary Duff Flashing People at a Party

Official Hot Lard 60,000 + Hit Post

Below is the exclusive video showing Hillary Duff flashing someone with a video camera at a party.

“Warning” Full Frontal nudity.

The video is on a loop and will start any moment.

If the video does not automatically start in 30 to 60 seconds Click Here for another link.

Received another Imposter blstern email today – I’m invited to the opera

In case you don’t know the story let me fill you in. Back before I had my name legally change from blstern to Ervin Shlopnick; (For reasons of deportation and underage paternity suits) I would get a lot of emails for this other blstern in my Gmail account. At first I would just delete them, but then after a while I started to reply to them. 

 Reason?

I figured fuck it! This guy has a much better life than me, so why not fuck with his friends. It really doesn’t take much to set me off…. So it would be a good idea to never cut me off on an L.A. freeway. 

After the name change, these emails went away…. until now. Some guy wants me (The other blstern) to get all wet in the pants over some OPERA tickets he has. WTF OPERA!?!?!?!?

So I felt the need to reply to this one to let “J”know how excited I was about opera tickets.

 Enjoy. 

Subject: Tristan & Isolde

Blstern

A friend of mine has 2 tickets to “Tristan & Isolde” for Friday, March 14th. The location is Parterre Box #20, Seats 1 & 2. The ticket face value is $360/seat. I believe he will take less. Anyway, if you know anyone who might be interested, perhaps someone in the opera class, please let me know. By the way, I don’t get a commission. See you on the 21st. I will spread the word, next opera class feb 20th.

J

OH Boy the Opera!!! God I wish it was on Superbowl Sunday!!!!

Subject: Monster Trucks and big boobs

Dear JJ,

Bow Howdy that sure is exciting news; I love opera about as much as neutering my dog, Bloodfang.

However, I may have a small problem with the date. You see, I have some other events I’m going to on the days around this. On March 11th I’m attending the WWE Busty Brawl in Scurvy Hills. I have front row tickets for this one. I’m hoping to get my face slapped with female wrestler blood, sweat and mammaries.

 On the 12^th of March I’m going to the “No Orifice is off limits” hoe-down at old man Jenkins barn in Hooterville. It’s a rip-snortin goober-grabbing good time. I plan on finding my next wife there. Do you know if they have lowered the age for the state marrying laws yet? There is this 15 year old Korean girl I’ve had my eye on and was hoping to hook up with her at the dance.  

 Let’s not forget the, “Bring a bleeding body part” jamboree on the 13^th. I’ve been stalking this 98 year old retiree for some time. I think I can get her left leg without much of a fight at all.

 I was wondering if you wanted to go to the Monster Truck rally with me on the 15^th. Clem has tickets and he keeps asking about you. He keeps saying you have a real “perty mouth”. Not really sure what he means by that, but he has to run off to the bathroom every time he says it and when he comes back he is all sweaty and out of breath.

 We need to get together soon and go to the park. We can spit at the pigeons and nuns again like we did last time.

 Well I need to go and place small live animals in my pants for the next three hours. I really hope the ferret doesn’t bite this time. After that I’m starting my own religion; it will have balloons, blood and dragons. Oh and let’s not forget the virgin sacrifice…. You better not show up that night.

 See yah soon

 XXOO

 B

 

This is what I have so far, will update this post with any response.