Mr. Positive says, “Running a marathon is like baking a cake. No matter how tired you get.. there is cake at the end”.
Archive for the ‘life’ Category
Mr. Positive 04/20/2010
Posted: April 20, 2010 by Ervin Sholpnick in Best Of, Classic Comments, Howto, Humor, life, Mr. Positive, PSA, Rants, Thoughts, Tips & Tricks, You SuckTags: anal sex, baking, baking a cake, cake, Crack Whore, marathone, Midget porn, running, tired
Christmas cards and wishes to make anyones heart sing with joy.
Posted: December 10, 2009 by Ervin Sholpnick in Best Of, Best Wishes, Christmas, Cool Stuff, Demotivator, Holidays, Hotties, Humor, life, Photos, Thoughts, WTF, You SuckTags: anal sex, Card, Cards, Christmas, Christmas cards, Crack Whore, demotivate, demotivation, demotivational, Demotivational posters, ditto, fire, Flight, Happy Holidays, Merry Christmas, Midget porn, miley cyrus, motivate, motivation, motivational, motivational posters, motivator, posters, Santa, Santa Clause
Please take this card as a token of our appreciation to you… Our wonderful readers… this Christmas holiday.
Yeah, I know, it is pretty much a piece of shit. I believe it took our art depart all of thirty seconds to slap the damn thing together and post it… I really hate those bastards and would like to see them all fired… or taste their own blood. But hey, what can one do? It’s hard to find an art department that will agree to wear full-body leather suits and ball-gags at work.
Beings this card sucks so much, I’ve decided to have the illegitimate children of our staff come up with their own sweet little Christmas cards for our readers. You can see them below.
Or if you like, you can view last years Christmas special here, http://hotlard.wordpress.com/2008/12/12/demotivational-posters-christmas-special/ because we are too cheep to do a new one this year.
Happy Christmas to you all…. Except you, yes you, you know who I’m talking about.
Ervin Shlopnick.
Managing Director of Smell My Finger and Tape Worm
Mr. Positive – Sharing Your Thanksgiving Meal
Posted: November 24, 2009 by Ervin Sholpnick in Classic Comments, Cool Stuff, Demotivator, Food, Holidays, Humor, life, Mr. Positive, PSA, Thoughts, You SuckTags: anal sex, charity, Crack Whore, helping hand, Homeless, Meal, Midget porn, Puke, Share, thanksgiving, throw up, Vomit
Mr. Positive says…
“After this years big Thanksgiving meal. Throw up on a homeless family. They could really use the food”.
Happy Thanksgiving… Now get out of the way or I’ll cut you bitch!!!
Posted: November 24, 2009 by Ervin Sholpnick in Demotivator, Holidays, Humor, life, PSA, You SuckTags: anal sex, Baby seal, Crack Whore, Family, Holiday, Holiday season, Knife, Meal, Midget porn, seal meat, thanksgiving, Turkey
On behalf of all of us at Hot lard…
And the three midgets who like to touch themselves that we keep locked up in the basement.
We’d like to wish you all a very happy Easter. You know it’s this time of year we should….
Huh????
What???
It’s what???
Thanksgiving????????
WHY THE FUCK DON’T YOU PEOPLE TELL ME THESE THINGS!?!?!?!?!?!?
God Dammit! That completely changes everything I need to do now!
I need to get a bathtub of whip cream for the Hooker wrestling tournament. I’ll bet there isn’t one single virgin in the office to sacrifice, and who the fuck is going to hand out the Thanksgiving colostomy bags-o-fun this year?!?!?!?!? And I suppose nobody has gone out a clubbed a baby seal for the meal!
Fuck!
FUCK!
Well anywho, Please enjoy this time you will have with your family. And only think about how nice it would be to kill them all. Taking action on those thoughts can get messy and is very hard to conceal…. So I’ve been told.
Happy Thanksgiving
Rio gets the Olympics, Obama fails…Again!
Posted: October 2, 2009 by Ervin Sholpnick in Best Of, Celebrities, Government, Humor, life, News, Politics, Public, Sports, Worst Of, WTF, You SuckTags: anal sex, barak obama, Crack Whore, fail, IOC, Midget porn, obama, Olympics, oprah, president, Sports
So after spending millions of dollars of the tax payers money to fly his Commander and Chieflyness, her first lady likeness and the Oprah-nator to some third-world shit-hole so they could suck up to the IOC to get the Olympics (YAWN!) in Chicago…. It goes to Rio.
That was money well spent. We didn’t even finish in the top two spots!!! Hell, they could have sent me, a sex starved midget with genital warts, and a one legged Asian hooker with turrets and we could have gotten the same results for a lot less money.
On second thought, from what I know of the IOC, my group may have won the bid.
What was the deciding factor that lost is for us??? Oprah wouldn’t give the chairman of the IOC anal. Dammit Oprah… Take one for the team!!!!
Who the fuck forgot to bring the Pepperidge Farm Cookies, the Wesson oil, and child prostitute for the IOC board?!?!?!?!?!?
Ahhhhhhhhhh….. it’s OK, nobody in this country really gives a rats ass about the Olympics anyway… They’re about as gay as Soccer… About.
Iowa Hawkeye Demotivation
Posted: October 1, 2009 by Ervin Sholpnick in Best Of, Best Wishes, Demotivator, Humor, life, Photos, PSA, Sports, You SuckTags: Big Ten, College Football, Crack Whore, demotivate, demotivation, demotivational, Demotivational posters, Football, Iowa, Iowa Hawkeyes, Midget porn, motivate, motivational, motivational posters, motivator, National Championship, Penn State, posters
We are still in prison…errrrrrrrrrrrrr I mean on vacation.
But after the bitch slap the Iowa Hawkeyes laid on the Penn State …. Ummmm, they’re called the Silly Little Bitches aren’t they???
Well any-who, I had to create a couple of posters to mark this great victory.
GO HAWKS!
We’re Away…
Posted: September 4, 2009 by Ervin Sholpnick in Animals, animations, Apple, Bedtime Story, Best Buy, Best Of, Best Wishes, BitTorrent, Blogroll, Books, Business, Caption Contest, Celebrities, cheezburger, Christmas, Classic Comments, Cool Stuff, Demotivator, DotD, Drinking, Email Scams, Ervin Shlopnick for President, Fan Mail, Food, Forum, FotD, Government, Halloween, Holidays, Hot Lard's Birthday, HotD, Hotties, Howto, Humor, Internet, Jokes, Kodak Moment, life, Links, Mad Lib, Mediacom, Microsoft, Misc, Movies, Mr. Negative, Mr. Positive, Music, News, Nintendo, Occult, Of The Year nominee, Owies, Photos, Poetry, Politics, Pranks, PSA, Public, Quick Movie, Rants, Religion, Research, reviews, Shaming, Social, SPAM, Sports, Super Tard, Tech Support, Thoughts, TinyPic, Tips & Tricks, TV, Uncategorized, Video, Video games, WalMart, Worst Of, WTF, Yahoo, You Suck, YouTubeTags: We're Away
Click picture
Mr. Positive 07/18/2009
Posted: July 17, 2009 by Ervin Sholpnick in Business, Classic Comments, Demotivator, Howto, Humor, life, Mr. Positive, Politics, PSA, Public, Thoughts, Tips & Tricks, You SuckTags: A wise man, A wise man once said, Crack Whore, demotivate, Demotivating, demotivation, demotivational, Demotivational posters, Midget porn, Positive, Wise man, Wiseman
Mr. Positive says, ” A wise man once said… Never listen to anyone who starts a statement with… A wise man once said”.
Mr. Positive 07/17/2009
Posted: July 17, 2009 by Ervin Sholpnick in Business, Classic Comments, Demotivator, Howto, Humor, life, Mr. Positive, PSA, Public, Rants, Thoughts, Tips & TricksTags: Crack Whore, crap. demotivational, demotivation. demotivate, Demotivational posters, Dump, ethics, good work ethic, manger, massive dump, Midget porn, motivate, motivational, motivational posters, motivator, Positive
Mr. Positive says, “Remember, after making a statement, a good manger will always make time to listen to the response of their employees….. But before you say anything, I need to go take a massive dump”.
My Thoughts by Ervin Shlopnick – Public Restrooms
Posted: October 7, 2010 by Ervin Sholpnick in Classic Comments, Food, Humor, life, PSA, Public, Rants, Thoughts, You SuckTags: anal sex, breed, breeding, Crack Whore, Fluffy Bunny, germs, insperation, Midget porn, poop, Public restrooms, Restroom, Suck my balls
That doesn’t seem right to me…
I believe that anyone should be allowed to breed in them.