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HAPPY BIRTHDAY HOT LARD

On August 9th Hot Lard turns 1 year old.  We were so overwhelmed with the stuff we received from our fans, that I thought it would be good to just use this day to show everyone all the great cards we received.

Plus I’m going to get so drunk, there is no way I will be able to type anything. I plan on drinking so much, it will kill my DNA.

Before I display the cards we received, I’d like to reflect on some fond memories I have from this past year…

Midget Porn

Crack Whores

Barn Yard Porn

I hate Soccer

Wal-Mart is Evil

Whelp, that pretty much sums it up.

Happy Birthday Hot Lard

Enjoy,

Sniff…

Thanks everyone.

Hot Lard’s Top Ten Posts – #1

Number #1

Video of Hillary Duff Flashing People at a party

Created: April 23, 2008

Hits: 24,313

Boobies, Tah Tahs, Sweater Cows, Fun Bags, Head Lights, Milk Jugs, Meat Pillows…

If you say you have some naked tits, people will come. And if you say you have the naked tits of a child star, they will beat down your door and rape your dog to see them. That is exactly what must have happened with our most popular post (By Far) here at Hot Lard. We mentioned that we had a video of Hillary Duff flashing someone with a video camera and the readers ate it up. They started to trickle in at first, but then that trickle turned into a constant pouring of horney little internet nerds trying to catch a glimpse of Miss Duff’s, “Whoopee Cushions”. The only problem is that they came to our site to find them.

Silly Rabbit, tits are not for kids.

See the rest of the top 10 here

Hot Lard’s Top Ten Posts – #2

Number #2

Ervin Shlopnock – I like Beans

Created: August (?), 2007

Hits: 7,672

I have no idea why this is the number two post on HL. It’s not even a post; it is my Bio with a bunch of family photos stuck in. (Of whose family, I do not know).  The whole post is centered around one of those god-awful chain emails that you get from one of your tree hugger friends that thinks answering a bunch a boneheaded random questions will allow others to get a better perspective of ones inner workings. So my Bio is one of those questionnaires that were sent to me by my “Save the Spotted Owl” friend and the answers I sent back to him…. and his friends… and mother… and employees… and customers…and priest. You see I do a “Reply All” with my truthful answers whenever I get one of these. I don’t believe I have received one from him since.

See the rest of the top 10 here

Hot Lard’s Top Ten Posts – #3

Number #3

FotD x2 – American Apple Pie

Created: August 15, 2007

Hits: 5476

This post is very near and dear to my heart…

You see (sniff) it was created by a staff member that is no longer with us…… (Sniff)

Oh…Wait , No…. I don’t give a flying fuck about that guy. He dressed funny and always smelled like old cheese. What brings a tear to my eye is that this is the first post that utter those famous words that have made Hot Lard the site it is today…

“Midget Porn”

Yes, this post is the reason our reference log is full of search terms like “Hot Midget Anal” and “Gay Midgets”, Oh and lets not forget, “Midget Spew” and finally my favorite, “Hot Gay Midget Anal Spew Porn”.  Because of the writing of this post, we became the midget porn capital of the Internet. Or maybe it was just the picture of the two hot midget porn actresses…

See the rest of the top 10 here

Hot Lard’s Top Ten Posts – #4

Number #4

Hot Lard has the nude photo of Vanessa Hudgens

Created: Sept 7, 2007

Hits: 5245

We have two posts on Hot Lard that promises the reader the opportunity to see a young celebrity’s ripe, supple boobies. Both of which are on the top ten list, (What a big surprise) this is the first, the other is to come. This post was the first 1000 hit post we ever had at HL, which proves that young boobies make for good site traffic. Of course we didn’t give you the boobies right away, you sort of had to work your way through some very scary photos before you were aloud to view the boobies of this 18 year old. But isn’t making the trip half the fun?

See the rest of the top ten here

Hot Lard’s Top Ten Posts – #5

Number #5

Demotivational Posters Volume #1

Created: Feb 13, 2008

Hits: 4,900

Demotivational Posters Volume #1 set a few milestones for us here at Hot Lard. To begin with it was the first of the demotivational poster series and showed the staff that we actually did have a purpose in life. (Other than mooning the elderly) The second was that this was the first and only post that reached 1000 hits in less than 24 hours. I don’t know if we even had a 1000 hit day before this post.
I guess there is a third and fourth milestone that we don’t really talk about. This was the first post we showed a naked booby and real poo in. After that, we pretty much started to show everything and the site has gone downhill ever since.

See the rest of the top ten here

Ervin Shlopnick poses for the Hot Lard Birthday Card

Get yourselves some cake ladies…

(Midget Porn) and Crack Whore Wishes Hot Lard a Happy Birthday

Happy anal electrode Hot Lard,

We just wanted to ass rape a gay midget and give you a fat woman thong from our Russian whore collection. Tonight we would like to give you a public blowjob while Penis ramming the shit teeth of Hillary Duff, while lorena bobbit and Rainbow Bright explore anal leakage and fat porn with fat Nigerian sluts who like to drink sperm from a computer nerd who has anal warts and a slutty sister.

After going to church we thought we could anal rape hot lpga golfers with a sperm poster of brett favre as a viking. Then watch the nympho puke on Sarahc_1225, Finally I want to shoot my load on your mexi-mullet and finish the day off when god kills a kitten.

Yours always

Midget Porn and Crack Whore

See our other B-day wishes here

Hot Lard’s Top Ten Posts – !#$%@#% There always has to be one!

Number #10a

Demotivational Posters Volume #14

Created: April 13, 2008

Hits: 3102

I knew… I just fucking knew it!!!!!
Once I started this list I knew that a post would suddenly get popular and change the order of things. And sure enough it happened. Volume #14 of the demotivational poster series has taken in enough hits over the past two days to jump from number 11 to number 10 on our list. And I’m not talking by just one or two hits, it’s a lot. So now, to be fair to all that work here, I must add this one in as a 10a or honorable mention or THE ONE POST THAT FUCKED UP THE ENTIRE COUNTDOWN!!!!!

Well congratulation demotivational posters volume #14 you are now number 10a on the list. Hope you’re fucking happy…… Bitch!

Oh and Mad Lib volume #3, you’re now 11… You fucking loser. Get out of here number 11 you don’t belong. Go crying back to your momma you non-top-ten-anymore nobody.

See the rest of the top 10 here