Mr. Positive 12/29/2009

Mr. Positive says, “The holidays are a really good time to show your family and friends that you have better stuff than they do”.

Another Round of Christmas Cards

Christmas is a mere few days away, so we wanted to shove a couple more Christmas cards in your face.

If you’re Jewish, just imagine the words are different.

Happy Hanukkah and Merry Christmas!!

Christmas cards and wishes to make anyones heart sing with joy.

Please take this card as a token of our appreciation to you… Our wonderful readers… this Christmas holiday.

Yeah, I know, it is pretty much a piece of shit. I believe it took our art depart all of thirty seconds to slap the damn thing together and post it… I really hate those bastards and would like to see them all fired… or taste their own blood. But hey, what can one do? It’s hard to find an art department that will agree to wear full-body leather suits and ball-gags at work.

Beings this card sucks so much, I’ve decided to have the illegitimate children of our staff come up with their own sweet little Christmas cards for our readers. You can see them below.

Or if you like, you can view last years Christmas special here, http://hotlard.wordpress.com/2008/12/12/demotivational-posters-christmas-special/ because we are too cheep to do a new one this year.

Happy Christmas to you all…. Except you, yes you, you know who I’m talking about.

Ervin Shlopnick.

Managing Director of Smell My Finger and Tape Worm

We’re Away…

Click picture

A Realistic Lexus Christmas Commercial

Are you tired of watching those Lexus Christmas commercials every year. You know the ones, where they try to make it look like that average Joe-Blows like you and me can give a $50,000 car to our loved one on Christmas. Instead of the truth where some snotty bitch gets a new car  from her blood thirsty corporate husband?

Well here is what I think would be a realistic Lexus Christmas commercial.

Click on photo for a better look.

Hope Christmas was good for you

Hello all, and hope you got everything you wished for this Christmas.  I hope you got that new Hello Kitty bag you’ve always wanted:

Hot Lard Kodak Moment – What I Want for Xmas

This chic sure does have a certain talent that I would like to have for my Christmas present.

Then again, a penis-shaped puppet might explode out of her stomach and devour me on the spot.

Seasons Greetings… I Quit!!!

To all of our wonderful readers, I’d like to wish you all a very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year.

To my new boss that has told me I’m working on Christmas…. Fuck you ass wipe I quit.

Hot Lard Kodak Moment – All I want for Christmas…

Here you go little Billy…  The blow job machine you always wanted.

Demotivational Posters – Christmas Special

And we all got a piece of the runaway giirrrrrrrrrrrrl. HO HO  HO….

Oh, hello there, Ervin Shlopnick here. I and the staff were just singing a cheery holiday song. We love the holidays so much… Well, not as much as barnyard porn  mind you, but golly it sure as heck is a close second… Well maybe third after Japanese anime rape porn…. Oh and there is colostomy bag hand toss that we do love so… Let’s not forget about “Dump the senior citizen off in the ghetto”, golly that is always a hoot. Well any who… We do love the holidays with or without gravy baths with nuns who have lost their faith, and so we wanted to share a little of that joy with you, our readers.

I’d like to welcome you all to the Hot Lard / Demotivational Minds Christmas special. We have a lot a fun and exciting entertainment lined up for you this evening. We have midget hookers showing us how to do things with yeast. Retarded cowboys fighting a horny donkey. The Count of Flanders will be singing, “ Merry Christmas baby, now put the gun away I didn’t know it was your sister” and much much more.

To start off we would like to regale you with our Christmas Demotivational Posters. These posters are made with the spirit of the season in mind. I’m sure you will sit down by the fire with your children and look over these for hours. Or you may look at these while you are dumping your family’s bodies in the fire. Who really knows and who cares. Just so long as you don’t drag us into the long and grueling trial for your life.

From all of us here at Hot Lard…

Have a very Merry Christmas (That’s right you liberal ass-wipes, I said Christmas) and have a Happy New Year.

Fah La La La La… La La  La La….

Merry Christmas

New for 2009