Mr Positive – 9/24/2010

Mr Positive says… “Rocks are harder than feathers because rocks are made from a rock like substance, where feathers are made from stuff that can make you fly. If I had to kill a cyclopes who has a runny nose and no pants… I’d go with the rock as my weapon of choice…… But would keep some feathers handy in case I had to fall back, fly away and fight another day”.

We’re Away…

Click picture

Hot Lard PSA – Guns Don’t Kill People…

Fat kids who get teased a lot at school do.

Should I keep Demotivational Minds or Not – You Decide!

I’d like to hear from you on what you think of Demotivational Minds. Mostly I’d like to know if you think the posters I have been coming up with are funny or not. So I’ve created a poll you can take to let me know. This will help me to decide if I should continue doing this or put the barrel of a gun in my mouth.

Enjoy

Go to Demotivational Minds to take this poll

PORN… Sweet, Sweet porn… errrrrrr I mean it’s a bad thing!!!

Porn in some cases is so… Ummmm, we should not sexualize… mmmmmmm, I mean this sort of thing should be… Ooooooo, excuse me, I have to go to the bathroom.

Comments…. Bring em on Bitch

I am not in the business to bash other people’s blogs. Everyone has the right to their point of view and as long as they don’t kill anyone over it or make me have to watch soccer, I say scream your opinion from the tallest mountain so everyone can hear.

But you should be ready (and accepting) of other opinions to what you are saying. Others may not like what you have to say and react to a measure they see fit. And once again as long as that measure is not to kill anybody or have anything to do with soccer, they have every right to do so. Isn’t that correct Dixie Chicks?

So when someone bashes me or says I’m a poo poo head, I will give them their voice and let it be seen by all that want to look at it. Of course I do have the right to rip you a new one after you poo poo me. Hey it’s my blog so fuck you.

So when I discovered that Mohammad (the fun loving person who loves Hot Lard) had his own blog. I decided to give it a look and see what this person has on his mind. I found it to be chalk full of very happy, happy, joy, joy feelings of America, its history, and people.

I tried to comment to Mohammad on some of his points of view, but found that the open minded, free thinking, open to other opinions type of person he is…  Censors his comments and will not allow anything that questions his thoughts to come through.

So I did a little searching a found that he too has been interviewed by the Pakistani Spectator and they do not censor their comments. So I decided to drop a little comment on this blog to Mohammad in hopes that he will revisit the site and see it.

You can see my comment below.

My Interview with the Pakistani Spectator

Beings Hot Lard has become the most popular site on the internet and cable TV; I have received several requests for interviews. People want to know everything from the secret of my success to the size of my colostomy bag. Beings I’m a recluse I normal turn down these offers of letting the world into my private life. But that all changed when the Pakistani Spectator came a callin’.You don’t get much bigger than this, Larry King can kiss my ass I have an appointment with the PS. (That is what their interviewees call them) Below you will see the request I received from this distinguished news journal and the following replies and eventual interview.

Plus a big Surprise at the end!!!

The Request

Interview Request

Hello Dear and Respected,
I hope you are fine and carrying on the great work you have been doing for the Internet surfers. I am Ghazala Khan from The Pakistani Spectator (TPS), We at TPS throw a candid look on everything happening in and for Pakistan in the world. We are trying to contribute our humble share in the webosphere. Our aim is to foster peace, progress and harmony with passion.

We at TPS are carrying out a new series of interviews with the notable passionate bloggers, writers, and webmasters. In that regard, we would like to interview you, if you don’t mind. Please send us your approval for your interview at my email address “ghazala.khi at gmail.com”, so that I could send you the Interview questions. We would be extremely grateful.

regards.

Ghazala Khan
The Pakistani Spectator
http://www.pakspectator.com

My Acceptance to their fine offer

Let the interviewing begin baby!!!

Ervin

The Interview Questions

Dear , thanks a lot for your consent. Here are the questions for the interview. Please also send us a brief bio of yourself, and url of your site.  Please send the answers at your earliest convenience.

Here are the questions:
Would you please tell us something about you and your site?
Do you feel that you continue to grow in your writing the longer you write? Why is that important to you?
I’m wondering what some of your memorable experiences are with blogging?
What do you do in order to keep up your communication with other bloggers?
What do you think is the most exciting or most innovative use of technology in politics right now?
Do you think that these new technologies are effective in making people more responsive?
What do you think sets Your site apart from others?
If you could choose one characteristic you have that brought you success in life, what would it be?
What was the happiest and gloomiest moment of your life?
Do you think [the use of Twitter and other social networking tools by politicians] is bandwagon jumping or what?

If you could pick a travel destination, anywhere in the world, with no worries about how it’s
paid for – what would your top 3 choices be?
What is your favorite book and why?
What’s the first thing you notice about a person (whether you know them or not)?
Is there anyone from your past that once told you you couldn’t write?
How bloggers can benefit from blogs financially?
Is it true that who has a successful blog has an awful lot of time on their hands?
What are your thoughts on corporate blogs and what do you think the biggest advantages and disadvantages are?
What role can bloggers of the world play to make this world more friendlier and less hostile?
Who are your top five favourite bloggers?
Is there one observation or column or post that has gotten the most powerful reaction from people?
What is your perception about Pakistan and its people?
Have you ever become stunned by the uniqueness of any blogger?
What is the most striking difference between a developed country and a developing country?
What is the future of blogging?

You have also got a blogging life, how has it directly affected both your personal and professional life?
What are your future plans?
Any Message you want to give to the readers of The Pakistani Spectator?

regards,
Ghazala Khan
The Pakistani Spectator
http://www.pakspectator.com

My truthful answers to their inquiries

Would you please tell us something about you and your site?

After making millions in Barn Yard porn, I grew tired of the same routine and decided to branch out. My first attempt at blogging was a site called, “Cat Hook-Up”. This site was dedicated to cat dating. It was there to help shy cats meet other cats in hopes that they may find a life mate. The problem I had with this site was that rampaging gay cats were trolling the site looking for single and confused kittens that they could pray upon. So I shut down the site and started and new one called, “My Grandmother is a Cheap Whore”. I soon found out that a lot of states have laws that prevented people from viewing the photos I provide of my grandmother and me. So I moved onto working on a site called, “Recycled Food”, but it turned out to be a real crappy site. So I then started a blog called, “Check out what I did to your sister”, I had to change my name and identity after that one. As of this date I’m still receiving death threats. Finally I created Hot Lard and most recently Demotivational Minds. They pretty much suck, but they are legal and I don’t get as much hate mail.
Do you feel that you continue to grow in your writing the longer you write? Why is that important to you?

What I find growing the longer I write is the pain in my hands. There are times I will work on a sentence for 6 to 8 hours and my hands will cramp something fierce. Normally I can relieve this pain by beating my dog and sacrificing its severed head to “Gorlox” the evil spork god of the underworld. Then I get back to writing my children stories and feel just find.
I’m wondering what some of your memorable experiences are with blogging?

There was this time in Thailand; I was with two teenage hookers, a crack addict, a rabbit with distemper, three unshaven midget wrestlers, four disco coke heads with a box of raisins, one illegal alien from Jupiter, a 11 toed foreign exchange student with turrets, a sticky mitten, 14 bags of walnuts, three colostomy bags , 44 sticks of dynamite, A cow that could do tricks, and an East German paranoid mute with bad breath…. I think we wrote a story about a fish.
What do you do in order to keep up your communication with other bloggers?

Blackmail
What do you think is the most exciting or most innovative use of technology in politics right now?

The anal intruder 3000.
Do you think that these new technologies are effective in making people more responsive?

Have you ever had your anal intruded by a power tool running at 7500 RPM and 240 volts AC? You’d be pretty responsive to just about anything.
What do you think sets Your site apart from others?

Each day I bake a fresh batch of chocolate chip cookies and lay them out on the home page for my visitors to eat. If you don’t like cookies I also offer teenage Russian hookers.
If you could choose one characteristic you have that brought you success in life, what would it be?

I can blow bubbles with my anus.
What was the happiest and gloomiest moment of your life?

My happiest moment was watching the creation of my first anus bubble. It was a majestic site, a grand bubble, brown in color. The gloomiest moment was 13 seconds later when that bubble popped just inches from my nose.
Do you think [the use of Twitter and other social networking tools by politicians] is bandwagon jumping or what?

I was twittered once by my priest, he promised me a candy bar if I let him twitter me and the bastard never came through. I really miss that candy bar. I thought the church cleaned that up. If politicians are twittering young boys now, I think it should be stopped. Unless they come through with their candy promise.

If you could pick a travel destination, anywhere in the world, with no worries about how it’s paid for – what would your top 3 choices be?

Any place but Pakistan, talk about a real dump! I would rather have my balls cut off and fed to me than go to Pakistan and have to breathe one breath of their urine filled air.
What is your favorite book and why?

“1001 Anal Intrusions” It’s just a story I can really get into.
What’s the first thing you notice about a person (whether you know them or not)?

Whether that have boobs or not. I prefer the ones with boobs.
Is there anyone from your past that once told you couldn’t write?

Yes, it was because I never learned how to read or write. I refuse to write about it.
How bloggers can benefit from blogs financially?

Ask a good friend over for some drinks and dinner. When they are not looking place a knockout drug in there food and wait until they pass out. Then take pictures of them having sex with a Great Dane or Llama and threaten them that you are going to put them on your blog unless they pay you great sums of money. Or make them have sex with you, if you are a sicko and like that sort of thing.
Is it true that who has a successful blog has an awful lot of time on their hands?

I have a lot of hair on my palms, so I must ne a very good blogger. I’m nearly blind too… Wonder what that means???
What are your thoughts on corporate blogs and what do you think the biggest advantages and disadvantages are?

I think that some corporate blogs are necessary. Anything that has to do with anal wart cream and colostomy bags should be blogged.
What role can bloggers of the world play to make this world more friendlier and less hostile?

Kill anyone who does not agree with you. I believe that would alleviate a lot of arguing.
Who are your top five favourite bloggers?

Touch me there

Pull my Finger again

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eBGIQ7ZuuiU

Animals need human loving too

Two girls’ one cup

Is there one observation or column or post that has gotten the most powerful reaction from people?

I would have to say it was my post on the true love I have for Soccer. I can not get enough of that sport. You can check it out here.

http://hotlard.wordpress.com/2008/03/09/demotivational-posters-volume-8-i-hate-soccer/
What is your perception about Pakistan and its people?

You do really good sheep porn there.
Have you ever become stunned by the uniqueness of any blogger?

Are you stunned yet?
What is the most striking difference between a developed country and a developing country?

The smell of urine is everywhere in undeveloped countries. Sometimes I wish we could be more like that here.
What is the future of blogging?

Fart jokes.

You have also got a blogging life, how has it directly affected both your personal and professional life?

I’m sleeping with a lot more pre-teens now.
What are your future plans?

Take a dump and then watch barnyard porn. Probably beat off and fall asleep.
Any Message you want to give to the readers of The Pakistani Spectator?

Remember to always brush your teeth (or in your case tooth) and wipe your ass. Make sure that you never buy rotten camel meat at the market. The boogie man is real and is defiantly out to get you. You can not carry 12 British nuns on your back. Cat poop will cure cancer. My left nut can speak Portuguese. And always do what your mother says… Unless she is a she-devil and has sex with a talking mule named Roberto.

God Bless Mexico!!!

Now here is the best part… They actually posted it!!!!!

Dear and respected Blstern, you might be stunned that I am so glad to inform your that we have published your fine interview. I hope that it benefits you, us and the whole of blogosphere. Would you please be kind enough to mention your interview at your blog for your readers?

We would also like to exchange a link with you in the blogroll please. If you approve, please let us know so that we  could include your link in our blogroll.

If you would like to introduce us some bloggers, whom we should interview, then please let us know their emails or blog address.

Please stay in touch, and guide us in our blogging journey. We really need your consistent and continuous guidance and support.

Thanks a lot from the roots of heart.

best regards,

- Hide quoted text -

Ghazala Khan
The Pakistani Spectator
http://www.pakspectator.com

Here is a screen shot of the page.

Just click on the screen shot to be taken to the site.

I’m so happy that I can be a guiding light for other aspiring journalist.

Hot Lard has passed the 100K mark!

On behalf of the entire Hot Lard staff, we would like to thank all 4 or our readers for getting us over 100,000 hits.

Hot Lards Foray into Yahoo Answers Part #10 (Best Answer)

Finally someone on Yahoo Answers gets it. Dr. Sholpnick finally gets rewarded for all his hard work.

Three thumbs down and still a best answer.

See our other forays here

blstern’s Rant on Inspirational Emails

Now and then…

Wait, What I mean to say is that, way to many times I get these moronic emails from my tree hugger friends that believe you can change your life by reading and living-by a bunch of fluff statements that other people write and then SPAM out to the rest of the world in hopes that someone may find one that makes sense.

I happen to find them all useless and get pissed when I find them in my in-box. So what I have started to do is returning these emails back to my “Friends” with comments to each one of the sayings. Not only do I return it to the “Friend” that sent it to me, but I send it to everyone else they sent it to. This would include, parents, girlfriend, boyfriend, girlfriends/boyfriends mother, Doctors, Boss, Priest and so on.

Below you will see an email that was sent to me titled “I Believe”. Below each statement in RED is my rebuttal. At the bottom in Blue I added a few of my own.

Enjoy

Beliefs to Live By

I believe — that we don’t have to change friends if we understand that friends change.

Of course if that friend happens to be a really beautiful woman with really big hooters. Hypnotizing her to do all sorts of slutty things is still legal I believe.

I believe — that no matter how good a friend is, they’re going to hurt you every once in a while and you must forgive them for that.

Or become really good with computers, then you could clean their accounts out electronically and post child porn on their hard-drive and alert the authorities. That’ll show them!!!

I believe — that true friendship continues to grow, even over the longest distance. Same goes for true love.

RRRRRRRight! Just remember pal, yours may be bigger but his is closer and that is JUST what she is thinking right now!!!

I believe — that you can do something in an instant that will give you heartache for life.

Double bean and beef Burrito?

I believe — that it’s taking me a long time to become the person I want to be.

I believe it’s a total of 12 steps.

I believe — that you should always leave loved ones with loving words. It may be the last time you see them.

Uuuuuummmmmm, like…… “Hey pal, see yah later….. Unless you’re dead”

I believe — that you can keep going long after you can’t.

All my prior girlfriends said the exact same thing to me…hmmmmm

I believe — that we are responsible for what we do, no matter how we feel.

Unless you’re feeling really Really REALLY drunk; I mean…Come On! I wouldn’t have taken home half of those skanks if I didn’t have some serious beer goggles on.

I believe — that either you control your attitude or it controls you.

Along with the men in the black helicopters.

I believe — that regardless of how hot and steamy a relationship is at first, the passion fades and there had better be something else to take its place.

Like MONEY!

I believe — that heroes are the people who do what has to be done when it needs to be done, regardless of the consequences.

Unless there is something really good on TV, then you’re excused.

I believe — that money is a lousy way of keeping score.

Yah!!! Use property.

I believe — that my best friend and I can do anything or nothing and have the best time.

Wow that’s great! As soon as I get me one of these “Friends” I’ll try that. Who am I kidding I’ll just hit them over the head with a shovel and take their stuff….. Again.

I believe — that sometimes the people you expect to kick you when you’re down will be the ones to help you get back up.

Only to kick you back down again!!!

I believe — that sometimes when I’m angry I have the right to be angry, but that doesn’t give me the right to be cruel.

So I’ll go for the “Kill Shot” right away.

I believe — that just because someone doesn’t love you the way you want them to doesn’t mean they don’t love you with all they have.

That’s what porn videos are for…to teach them!!!

I believe — that maturity has more to do with what types of experiences you’ve had and what you’ve learned from them and less to do with how many birthdays you’ve celebrated.

Hmmmmmm, how wise. I guess there is all that jail time and prison rape I could refer to.

I believe — that it isn’t always enough to be forgiven by others. Sometimes you have to learn to forgive yourself.

Screw the others!

I believe — that no matter how bad your heart is broken, the world doesn’t stop for your grief.

But it will stop when you’re at the top of a clock tower shooting at the crowd below!!!

I believe — that our background and circumstances may have influenced who we are, but we are responsible for who we become.

I like to eat worms…

I believe — that just because two people argue, it doesn’t mean they don’t love each other. And just because they don’t argue, it doesn’t mean they do.

And if they hop on one foot doesn’t mean they don’t eat cream corn on holidays and if they drive a yellow car does not mean they like extra cheese on their pizza. WTF?!?!?

I believe — that you shouldn’t be so eager to find out a secret. It could change your life forever.

I keep telling my girlfriends, “Don’t check police records” “Don’t do a background check on me” But they keep doing it and… Where did I put my shovel?

I believe — that two people can look at the same thing and see something totally different.

Like Porn. I see the art of love making… My wife sees a dirty movie of illicit sex acts that no respectable woman or mother would do. And that’s ok with me………………… As long as she does that thing we saw in scene three with the hamster and jumper cables.

I believe — that your life can be changed in a matter of hours by people who don’t even know you.

Yah, it’s called the IRS.

I believe — that even when you think you have no more to give, when a friend cries out to you, you will find the strength to help.

Your self to their stuff while their down!!!!

I believe — that credentials on the wall do not make you a decent human being.

But it sure does help the ole’ paycheck.

 

I believe — that if you’re not my friend you’re my enemy…. And if you’re my enemy, the voices in my head tell me to kill you.

I believe — that if two people argue, it’s usually a drug deal gone bad.

I believe — that if you pull my finger, I’ll fart.

I believe — friends that share drugs, should also share women.

I believe — I’ll have another beer, thanks.

I’m not getting as many these emails now for some reason