Archive for the ‘Fan Mail’ Category
Tags: 500K, Crack Whore, Donkey, Donkey show, economics, Go away, midget pron, must stop, porn, Stop
Over the past few months I have seriously contemplated closing down Hot Lard as a cost saving measure to keep me from having to layoff anyone from my barnyard porn corporation. But every time I do, there seems to be a reason to keep her open; so we work the donkey a little harder that month and seem to get the money to keep Hot Lard running.
But now that the site has crossed the 400K mark in hits, it has occurred to me that this site is only going to keep growing and the cost to keep it running will also grow with it., We have figured that at our current rate of growth, we will be killing off 2.3 donkeys per month from total exhaustion by the end of the year. And well hung and constantly horney donkeys that don’t get strung out on horse tranquilizers are not easy to come by.
So in these tough economic times we here at Hot Lard had to make a few tough decisions, and one of them has to do with how to keep Hot Lard open for business. I believe I have come up with a good solution that will keep everyone happy. What I am purposing is that as long as our readers don’t log onto the site and keep growing our hits, we can stay open. So I have drawn a line in the sand, once Hot Lard reaches 500K hits we will have to closer her down. So if you want to keep this site open… Don’t come here. I’m asking you our readers to help us keep this great site under 500k hits, so we can keep it going. That way we can still deliverer the same great entertainment and news worthy information you are used to getting from us. That is as long as you don’t come here to read it.
So what do you say loyal Hot Lard fans? Can we all work together and keep Hot Lard under 500K hits?. Let’s do it for the Site, Let’s do it for the jobs we will save. Let’s do it for the poor donkeys. Let’s all vow to not come to the site anymore so it can stay open.
I thank you, the staff thanks you and Rex the wonder donkey thanks you.
Managing Director of shit that doesn’t make sense.
We have a whole lot of really great stuff we will be posting in the near future.
Hope to not see you
Tags: anal sex, butt rape, fudge packer, Gay, gay porn, Hershey Highway, new look, Penis, porn, twink
I’d like to thank the Countofflanders for the new header photo…
I’m not really sure what he was going for with it.
But my guess is he is trying to lure in the gay porn crowd.
If it gives us more hits on the site, I’m all for it.
PENIS!!!! GET YOUR HOT STEAMING PENIS HERE!!!!
Tags: advertising, Bond, Celebrity endorsement, Dark Side, endorsement, Evil Dead, Favorite Site, michael jackson, Midget porn, Playboy, Santa
With all this talk of corporate bail-outs and the letting go of celebrity endorsers; I wanted to take this moment to let all of our readers know that Hot Lard is going strong. We have not lowered ourselves to ask for a free handout from our government. Plus I’m happy to say that all of our celebrity endorsers will be staying with us. As a matter of a fact, here are a few of the new endorsements for Hot Lard you will be seeing in news papers and magazines in the next few months.
Tags: advice, Clowns, comments, Decor, Email, expert advice, Home, Midget porn, Modern Design, naked clowns, NAMBLA, opinion
I know I said I was done… and I am. I mean it!!
But we received an email from a fan that I just could not let go unanswered. So this is now my final post for Hot Lard… It is… Really… I mean it… I’m done after this… STOP LOOKING AT ME THAT WAY!!!!
Letter from a fan:
I’d appreciate if you can give me some feedback on our site: www.regencyshop.com and our item hanging bubble chair.
I realize that you are home decor-modern design connoisseur I’d like to hear your opinion/feedback on our products. Also, it’d be swell if you can place our link on your blog.
I always knew this site was about modern design and now here is my chance to prove it.
My name is Ervin Shlopnick, I’m the managing director, of things that need management and direction for Hot Lard Inc. I’d like to say thank you for your email; home décor & modern design are two of the most important things in my life. Right after cow tipping, colostomy bags, rubber pants, adult diapers, septic tank skinny dipping, and fart lighting contests.
I checked out your site and I do have a few comments for you. First you need some naked clowns. Nothing says buy my crap better than a naked clown staring you in the face. That is how we sold over 2 million units of our product, “Why I Like to Touch Mommy Down There, Lubricant”. Next, you could use a blood splatter back ground and maybe a woman screaming.
As far as your products, I’m not really seeing anything I could use for my 16 monkeys. Do you have a monkey section on your site that I did not find? How easily can one clean feces from your products. Those darn monkey sure do love throwing their feces around. I guess it is partially my fault; I’m usually the one who starts the feces fight with them. Also do you have any chairs that would prevent your victim.. errr I mean “date” from escaping before you have finished? Other than that I think you stuff is pretty much crap.
Thanks again for the email, I’ll be posting your link right between the barn yard porn and NAMBLA ads.
Regards and sweet, sweet kisses
I wonder what Sean has to think of my “Win Win” ideas. But You’ll never know, because this is my last post. (BUH WAH HA HA HA)
Tags: anal sex, Britney Spears, Crack Whore, demotivational, fans, Fuck You, Good job, Midget porn, motivation, readers, Support, you're great
Tags: anal sex, Birthday, Birthday card, Britney Spears, Crack Whore, happy birthday, Midget porn, Naked, porn, sniff, Soccer Sucks, tits
On August 9th Hot Lard turns 1 year old. We were so overwhelmed with the stuff we received from our fans, that I thought it would be good to just use this day to show everyone all the great cards we received.
Plus I’m going to get so drunk, there is no way I will be able to type anything. I plan on drinking so much, it will kill my DNA.
Before I display the cards we received, I’d like to reflect on some fond memories I have from this past year…
Barn Yard Porn
I hate Soccer
Wal-Mart is Evil
Whelp, that pretty much sums it up.
Happy Birthday Hot Lard
Tags: anal sex, Britney Spears, fans, Honkey, Politics, WTF, you said what?
Demotivational Minds has reached a new milestone. We have received our first “Reader Submitted Demotivational Poster”. Which means that there is actually someone out there that is reading this crap we put on the Internet… And has gotten so pissed off by the amuature nature of it that they have decided to ask us to post something that is actually funny?
Thank you Kristina for your politically correct poster, I’m sure once people start to get it, the hate mail will start pouring in. But it’s OK, we like to read.
To actually see the poster you will have to click here
Tags: Amy Winehouse, Birthday, Britney Spears, Crack, Crack Whore, dope, Junkie, Puke, wack
I’ll take a bucket of chicken and a double beef and bean burrito with a large side of chips and…. Huh??? What???? I’m doing what???
WHAT THE FUCK IS A HOT LARD?!?!?!?
Fuck you I’m not coming out of the closet, the killer spiders are out there.
Well anyway happy Easter to all of my fans and… Wha…. It’s not… I’m supposed to do what?
WHAT THE FUCK IS A HOT LARD?!?!?!?
I don’t want to do a PSA…. Oh fuck it give me the script…
Hey kids, don’t do drugs…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………. Let them do you!!! HAHA HA H AH EEE HAH ERRRRRRRRR UGH HAW HAW ACK ACK …. Oh crap I just puked on myself again. Someone get me a towel…. Oh and get this fucking needle out of my arm!!!!
WHAT THE FUCK IS A HOT LARD?!?!?!?
Tags: Birthday, Blood, Celebration, happy birthday, Midget porn, scientology, three cheers, tom cruise, Virgin, Xenu
Hot Lard is turning 1 year old on August 9th. And in celebration of the greatness that is us. We will be displaying some of the birthday greetings we have received from our richer (more important) readers.
Happy Birthday Hot Lard!
At night, after I lock Katie in the cellar, I and Xenu like to drink the blood of a virgin, sacrifice a psychologist and read all the words of wisdom you offer on good ole Hot Lard. Next to my cult…. Errrrrr I mean religion Hot Lard is the most influential part of my life. If you catered to the rich a little more like Scientology did, you could be the most influential.