Ervin Shlopnock – I like Beans
Official Hot Lard 10,000 + Hit Post
Before your read the profile of this great man. We would like to let you know that Ervin Shlopnick is running for President!!! Please take moment and look at his platform before you cast your vote this November.
I was given this questionnaire some time back. It was designed to help people to get to know me better. I figured it would be good to use here also.
Welcome to the Summer 2005 edition of getting to know your friends.
What you are supposed to do is copy (not forward) this entire email and
paste it into a new one. Change all the answers so they apply to you and
then send this to a whole bunch of people, including the person who sent it
to you.
1. What time did you get up this morning? 3:00 AM… Buried the body and went back to bed.
2. Diamonds or pearls? Lucky Charms!
3. What was the last film you saw at the cinema? Double D Cheerleader Nymphos from Mars
4. What’s your favorite TV show? Double D Cheerleader Nymphos from Mars the series
5. What did you have for breakfast? Nobody…
6. What’s your favorite cuisine? Do you mean the type of cat?
7. What foods do you dislike? Anything that doesn’t scream first.
8. What is your favorite chip flavor? AMD
9. What’s your favorite CD at the moment? Microsoft ManOwar. These guys ROCK!!!
10. What kind of car do you drive? I ride a HOG! The Chick Magnet V-Twin
11. Favorite sandwich? Stuff surrounded by bread
12. What characteristics do you despise? Liberals!!!!
13. Favorite item of clothing? A pair of Bert and Ernie boxer shorts that I ripped a hole in on the fourth of July 1998 while doing the limbo with the Curplaski twins.
14. If you could go anywhere in the world on vacation? Detroit
15. What color is your bathroom? ???… Some spots are yellow…. Some are Brown.
16. Favorite brand of clothing? Garanimals
17. Where would you retire to? Prison
18. Favorite time of the day? Morning…. I get to act out what the voices told me to do all night
19. What was your most memorable birthday? 9 Months… Whew hope I don’t have to go thorough that ever again.
20. Where were you born? Some Manger….
21. Favorite sport to watch? Double D Cheerleader Nymphos from Mars
22. Who do you least expect to send this back to you? Luscious… Lord and master of the Squirrel under world
23. Person you expect to send it back first? How many of these questions are there?……. 68?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?! I was not prepared for a test today.
24. What fabric detergent do you use? Lye
25. Were you named after anyone? Inmate 678954253
26. Do you wish on stars? No… I wish on Blood Slugs, that way when it doesn’t happen I can step on them… Then I go watch Double D Cheerleader Nymphs from Mars and feel much better.
27. When did you last cry? 4 questions ago when I realized I have 40 more of these stupid questions to answer!!!
28. Do you like your handwriting? It’z bees mkay I’s gess.
29. What is your most embarrassing CD? Barbara Streisand Live, I can’t believe you spent $600.00 for these tickets “SUCKER” tour.
30. If you were another person, would YOU be friends with you? Hell, every personality I have loves me… Well except Zim, but he doesn’t count.
31. Are you a daredevil? Just the other day, I made a turn without using my blinker. I’m a rebel baby!
32. Have you ever told a secret you swore not to tell? Yes I have… and the authorities should be there soon.
33. Do looks matter? I wouldn’t be responding if you were ugly. Geesh!
34. How do you release anger? See Question #1
35. Where is your second home? Ridgefield Home for the Mentally Special
37. What class in high school do you think was totally useless? Math, English, Art, Gym, Study Hall, Home Ec,…. But Typing was Great! Boy Howdy Did I love Typing.
38. Do you use sarcasm a lot? You look nice
39. Favorite movies? Double D Cheerleader Nymphos from Mars, Double D Cheerleader Nymphos from Mercury, Double D Cheerleader Nymphos from Venus, Double D Cheerleader Nymphos from Pittsburg, Bengi
40. What are your nicknames? Hold on let me check the newspaper……. This week I’m the Night Crawler.
41. Would you bungee jump? Only if I could have a double beef and bean burrito first….. Oh and you have to stand directly below me.
42. Do you untie your shoes when you take them off? I guess the real question is, why I don’t tie them when I put them on.
43. Do you think that you are strong? Do you think you are pretty? I guess we are both wrong!
44. What’s your favorite ice cream flavor? Flesh
45. What are your favorite colors? Blood…errrrrrrr I mean blue… No wait it is blood.
46. What is your least favorite thing about yourself? My talking foot.
47. Who do you miss the most? I really missed my pet cat “Rickets”. Oh yes he had mange and coughed up some of the most frightening things. But that cat sure could dance. I had him stuffed and mounted….. I used bologna to stuff him with. He smells pretty bad now. I guess I miss him not smelling like rotting meat the most. Would you like to come over to my house?
48. Do you want everyone you sent this to send it back? Would that mean that they are my friend? Golly gee I’d really like one of those.
49. What color pants are you wearing? Pants… Hmmmmmm that would have been a good idea.
50. What are you listening to right now? Screams, Screams and more Screams. Are you sure you don’t want to come to my house?
51. Last thing you ate? Nobody..
52. Last person you talked to on the phone? The last thing I ate.
53. What is the first thing you notice about the opposite sex? The speed in which they run away.
54. Favorite Drink? Hemlock .
55. Do you wear contacts? Yes… But not where you think.
56. Favorite Day of the Year? National Potato Day
57. Scary Movies or Happy Endings? Happy Endings. Texas Chainsaw Massacre has the best!
58. Summer or winter? Fall
59. Hugs OR Kisses? Depends…. Do I have to brush my teeth?
60. What Is Your Favorite Dessert? Nobody
61. What Book(s) Are You Reading? See Spot Run. Run Spot Run. You better run you son of a bitc………………………….
62. What’s On Your Mouse Pad? My mouse.
63. What Did You Watch Last night on TV? Double D Cheerleader Nymphos from Mars
64. Favorite Smells? Cheese Farts
65. Rolling Stones or Beatles? I have both in my bed.
66. What’s the furthest you’ve been from home? I once went left….
67. What is your full name? Ricardo Montigo Franklin Bridges Conrad Happy Squirmy Fudgey Lone Bear Smith Jones Jr.
68. When is your birthday? When I was born.. Geesh!
#57 is best answered by saying, do we get to skip the massage?
Umm…. I don’t know what to say… .Except that SOMEBODY needs some dental work!
Son, are you off your Ridalin again????
Go Hot Lard! Hot Lard rules! HL=Hot Lard= Sexy!
HAhahaha…I haven’t laughed so hard in quite a while…..thank you so much ….so when do we eat nobody?
OK, I’ve read a few posts….read the “about the author” and I have come to only one conclusion: I am now officially a Hot Lard fan. This shit is laugh out loud funny.
You people are just brilliant.
Best
Laurie Kendrick
ummmmm WOW
Thanks!
I love you !!!
You are one sick puppy!
Now I know, now I know, now I know how to fill in those annoying questionnaires!!!!
Do you like my new song?
GREAT STUFF ERVIN, BUT I WAS WONDERING IF “NOBODY IS COMING HOME” …
[...] Ervin Shlopnock – I like Beans [...]
wow, thats really
really
really
unfunny
and predictable and grating
your soo unfunny.
congratulations.
Thanks for coming. Stop back real soon.
really quite stupid..
its sad what we find funny nowadays, this saw twisted shit is not funny come on ppl!
Betta Rental Cars????? (the link from his name)
It’s sad what some Christians are pushing these days.
Hey anj,
I have a joke for you.
There are these two priests having anal sex with an 8 year old boy…
What’s that, you’ve heard this one????
OOOOOOOooohhhhhhh, you’re saying you have lived it.
I get yah.
what’s going on here? All of a sudden Ervin is public enemy number 1.
There is that little thing about being wanted in 16 states and 4 countries.
But Geesh! Give a guy a break will yah!
Hilarious I don’t think I’ve come across another site with so much raw and original humor keep up the good work.
[...] Ervin Shlopnock – I like Beans [...]
I love your site. Keep it up !
“Some of the best camel toe can be found in Iraq.”
Just exactly what is camel toe? I know what you’re gonna say: If ya have ta ask…
…oh, and the election, that went ta some other guy. Just so you know.
Dude, it’s time you came up with another questionnaire. Plus, most of you awesome images have been removed by Tinypic.
Damn you Tinypic!!!!!
Damn you Tinypic!!!!!; Damn you Tinypic!!!!!;;
glad to be one of many visitors on this awful website : D.