Hot Lard Kodak Moment – AC/DC New Album Cover

I thought these guys were dead…

Friday Demotivator – 8/29/2008

I’m doing the Friday Demotivator and day early. I’m not felling well and if I don’t do it now, it may not happen at all this week. And I would have to cry myself to sleep at night knowing I had let all of you down.

Enjoy,

A Hot Lard Political Moment by Ervin Shlopnick

As a life long Republican, I’d like to take this moment and say that George Bush is an idiot. The man could not find his ass with both hands, a flash light and 20 boy hungry priests on shore leave.  The last 8 years have been a tail of miscues, mistakes and greed. I may be a Republican, but when something is fucked up I’ll say it’s fucked up… And folks this country is fucked up thanks to the Bush Administration.

Now before you Democrats get on your high horse and say, “We told you so”. I would like to remind you all of recent history.  Listening to Bill Clinton’s speech last night he tried to draw a picture of a Utopian existence for the eight years he was in-charge of the country. He spoke of the peace and prosperity the country experience during his tenure. But let’s look at that peace and prosperity a little bit closer.

First the peace, well he is right we did have peace… He also had the chance to take out Osama Bin Laden and did not do it. Clinton literally had the worlds most wanted terrorist in the cross-hairs and did not pull the trigger. If he had, we may never have known the horror of 9/11.

Now onto the prosperity; the country sure was prosperous, there is no arguing with that. So prosperous that a little company called “Enron” was able to manipulate the power grid of California causing rolling blackouts. I lived in So Cal at that time and I can tell you first hand that losing your power on a 115 degree day, sucks!!  Oh and let’s not forget the CEOs’ of several major companies that were cooking the books to make their company look a lot more profitable that what they really were. Now most of those people are in jail or on the beach in some Non-Extradition country laughing there ass off. While “Joe- Employee” is working at the local Slurp N Save selling gas, scratch off tickets and beef jerk sticks because their life savings was spent on hookers and golden toilets.

Yes folks all this may have come to light during the Bush administration. But it was all taking place during Clinton’s.

So before we all decide we want to go back to the “Good Ole days”, let’s remember that they weren’t really that good. They only looked that way on paper.

Oh and one last thing, this elitist talk about John McCain and his seven houses… Didn’t the Democrats have a candidate four years back that was married into one of the richest families in the country? How many houses did they have?

I’m not telling you how to vote, hell vote Voo-Doo party for all I care. But don’t vote for a facade past that ended up tearing apart the future of many, many people.

Well that’s it, that’s all I have to say. Vote for who you want or what you want. As Far as me, I’m voting for my cat. She has it made!!! Doesn’t do shit, gets three meals a day and someone to clean her shit up after her. Now that is one smart cookie!

3:27 am Demotivational Poster

Thanks to my hay fever, I’m too stuffed up to sleep or think straight, so I decided to surf the net. And that’s how I came up with this really shitty demotivational poster.

A Big Tease

Shhhh, don’t tell anyone, but I’m gonna go down on you…
And you’re gonna love it…
But it’s only going to be long enough to let you start enjoying it…
Then I’m gonna come back up again and fuck you, big time…

Lots of love,
Fuel Prices

American Oil Money Will Buy You Happiness

Here are some quality photos of how your money gets spent every time you go to fill up your tank.

Do you think Americans might get a discount on some property?  These photos are from Dubai.

And if that wasn’t enough, get a load of this photo of the soon-to-be world’s tallest building.

How would you like to go to work and see the rotation of the Earth as these guys?

Caption Contest – Smell my finger

What I’m looking for is something other than the normal line I use on my kids, “Does this smell like ass to you”?. The really sad thing is, normally it does.

Atari 2600 Games

One of the many horrors of my summer weekends is the “Garage Sale”. This is where my wife forces me to go look at the crap that other people don’t want, but we might. Normally I’d rather spend the weekend being a prison bitch, than have to watch my wife fight off some 78 year old Mexican woman for a used towel with Elvis on it.

This weekend was no different, until I made a great discovery. Now, some of you children may not remember the Atari 2600 game console, but to an old fart like me, it was a piece of heaven. So imagine my surprise when I found a 2600 console and a shit-load of games being given away by some dumb-ass. So I beat down a 6 year old boy and his grandmother to get me this treasure of the 80’s and brought it home. I was amazed at the good condition of the console and its games. And the titles were unbelievable; just take a look at some of the fun games I will be playing…

Bran Muffins

The couple were 85 years old and had been married for sixty years.  Though they were far from rich, they managed to get by because they watched their pennies.

Though not young, they were both in very good health, largely due to the wife’s insistence on healthy foods and exercise for the last decade.
One day, their good health didn’t help when they went on a rare vacation and their plane crashed, sending them off to Heaven.

They reached the pearly gates, and St. Peter escorted them inside.  He took them to a beautiful mansion, furnished in gold and fine silks, with a fully stocked kitchen and a waterfall in the master bath.  A maid could be seen hanging their favorite clothes in the closet.
They gasped in astonishment when he said, ‘Welcome to Heaven.  This will be your home now.’

The old man asked Peter how much all this was going to cost.  ’Why, nothing,’ Peter replied, ‘remember, this is your reward in Heaven.’
The old man looked out the window and right there he saw a championship golf course, finer and more beautiful than any ever built on Earth.
‘What are the greens fees?,’ grumbled the old man.
‘This is heaven,’ St. Peter replied.  ’You can play for free, every day.’

Next they went to the clubhouse and saw the lavish buffet lunch, with every imaginable cuisine laid out before them, from seafood to steaks to exotic deserts, free flowing beverages.
‘Don’t even ask,’ said St. Peter to the man.  This is Heaven, it is all free for you to enjoy.’
The old man looked around and glanced nervously at his wife.
‘Well, where are the low fat and low cholesterol foods and the decaffeinated tea?,’ he asked.
That’s the best part,’ St. Peter replied.  ’You can eat and drink as much as you like of whatever you like and you will never get fat or sick.
This is Heaven!’

The old man pushed, ‘No gym to work out at?’
‘Not unless you want to,’ was the answer.
‘No testing my sugar or blood pressure or…’
‘Never again.  All you do here is enjoy yourself.’

The old man glared at his wife and said, ‘You and your f….ing bran muffins.  We could have been here ten years ago!’

Reader Submitted Demotivational Poster Volume #2

Kristina has submitted another spirit lifting poster for all to view. This time she wanted to show her secular side. I can see that Kristina and I will have something to talk about at Sunday school this week. Thanks for the poster Sister Kristina, say “Hi” to Beelzebub for me.

Enjoy,

To see this poster you must go to our sister site Demotivational Minds